Category Archives: Motivation

Healthy Living, Motivation

A Fitting Return to Business Travel

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DSC00789.ARW

Our typical, non corporate look…

One little detail that never even registered with me when I said yes to going back to work a few months ago is that I’d also return to business travel. And that’s where I have been these last few weeks, instead of writing.

I realized how unprepared I was, mentally and literally, one Tuesday morning when I needed to drive to the corporate office, about an hour and a half away.

As I was scrambling to find everything I needed that morning, frustration mounted. Not because of worry that it wasn’t going to be a great meeting. It wasn’t that I was nervous about seeing former industry colleagues again, who are now my co-workers. It wasn’t that I was scrambling to print a few schedules and spreadsheets I thought I’d need.  And it wasn’t because I had no idea where my briefcase was anymore, of even if people still used briefcases, who knows?

It was that I couldn’t find a thing to wear!

As a stay at home, living the country life, mom

in the middle of mud season

in a town where gravel and dirt driveways are the norm

and pets can be found in every corner of my house

there’s no need to impress on a daily basis.

or ever, really…

That morning I found myself staring blank-faced at the closet, with only 15 minutes to get dressed and go before I’d end up late for the meeting. Staring back at me from my half of the closet was a sea of outdated, wrong-sized, wrong-seasoned clothing from my pre-stay-at-home days.

With no options, I turn to look at my every-day clothes, I see an overstuffed top bin of crumpled, half falling out, shirts.

As I look at the lower bin, jeans and more jeans and more jeans. Some cute, but not exactly appropriate.

Ok, let’s not worry about pants just yet, I think as I rummage through the messy shirt bin.

Here’s a black shirt, oh, that one has a big stain on the front.

Oh, here’s another one, this one has a pin-hole moth bite in the middle of the belly!

How about one with frayed sleeves?

Or maybe the one with the holes in both elbows!

I ran downstairs in despair, and vent my woes to my husband, who was at the kitchen table working at home that day, so he could handle the child shuttling while I was gone. He thankfully doesn’t try to solve my problem, but tells me he’s positive I’d look just great in anything I find!

He’s not truthful all the time, but his predicable compliments and enthusiasm make me feel better at least.

I run back upstairs, and a few minutes later am dressed and triumphant because I found the answer…the shirt with the elbow holes, I can put a sweater over that one! And thanks to my friend Cathy’s Cabi party a few months ago, I find a new skirt that’s cute (and has no stains or holes or frays yet!) and boots, and I’m finally relieved to get out of the house almost on time…

It takes me a few minutes to decompress once in the car, but when I do,  my mind wanders as I try to assess my handling of this go-back-to-work transition over the last few months.

Here I have been worried about balancing my time, my health, family and other priorities.

All the tough topics.

Really I should have been addressing more immediate concerns, like wardrobe!

And looking halfway decent.

And professional.

Sadly, how you look and how you feel affects your confidence. Mine was at an all-time low.

As I rounded the exit onto the NY Thruway, still a little irked at the rough start to my morning, I’m thinking, today’s just a day trip, next week, I’m away for three days.  It’ll involve air travel. Navigating airports. Staying at a hotel. And eating out. I have to make sure I’m better prepared.

I then started creating a mental checklist on what I need to do, bring, and plan before my flight.

So I never have to repeat that nothing-to-wear experience ever again, to-do item number 1 of course was:

Must go shopping for something to wear!

But after that, can you guess what came to mind next?

I’m sure you can, I’m so predictable. It was:

What workout am I going to do when I’m gone?

How am I going to stay active, when I’m on a plane and in meetings all day?

How can I keep the meals relatively healthy, even though I’ll have to eat out for 3 days straight.

I visualized my itinerary and started calculating how much time I’d have in the mornings and how much time I might have between flights, and what I’d pack in my carry on bag to eat.

And that’s when my lack-of-confidence started to fade.

When I think about past experiences with work and travel, I remember:

Way-too-early flights.

Sitting on an airplane and feeling horrible because I can’t move around all day.

Snacking and meals at the airport and airline boxed lunches. Starbucks multiple times a day, for a grande latte or cappuccino, and gigantic sandwiches or muffins. Maybe something sweet in the afternoons…

Big dinners out at restaurants. Always wine. Often dessert.

There was never time for exercise.

And then once home, I’d be mad at myself because I was just a victim of the inevitable world of business travel, that wrecks havoc on nutrition, sleep and activity level.

I’d spend the next few weeks “dieting”, trying to undo the mess.

Certainly my opt-out-of-work, stay-at-home mom years have not done much for my fashion-sense, but over the last few years I have learned something. I do know how to balance my fit and health needs in an uncompromising way, and am more prepared than ever, to apply what I know now, to business travel.

And with this new-found confidence that I did learn something useful over the last few years, here’s how I planned and managed my goals on this first extended business trip:

  1. Choose ideal flight times: When I first looked at flights, it looked like the only ones were at 6 a.m. or ones that arrived late at night. I kept checking, and finally found one that left mid-day. Perfect timing to ensure a good workout in the morning, before a day of sitting on my rear during the long drive to the airport and the long flight.
  2. Maximize activity at the airport: One of my pet-peeves is having too much to carry while I’m at the airport, so I always check my suitcase. Armed with just a purse and briefcase, I’m not hunkered down with too much luggage and I can keep moving during the downtime, while waiting to board. I take laps from one end of the gate terminal to the other, and choose to walk rather than take the moving walkways. Before this trip, even more fun, I bought a new gadget: a fitbit flex, an activity tracker that motivated me to keep walking, accumulating activity and competing with myself throughout the day for more movement.
  3. Bring your own food to the airport and make smart choices: At the start of the trip, it’s a little easier, because you are coming from home vs. on the return flight or trip home. But don’t leave it to chance that you’ll find something healthy. I became used to bringing our own food on flights because of my son’s food allergy. Basically, you have to, because 99% of the food at airport restaurants aren’t safe for him. I’m sure you never noticed unless you have a food allergy too but all the restaurants have signs on their walls basically saying “allergic? Eat at your own risk!”. But I do find this practice of bringing food has helped me eat healthier too. If you put fruit, a healthy sandwich, your own crackers or snacks in your carry on bag, you won’t over-eat, or have to spend a lot of money. And if you can’t resist that trip to Starbucks? Although I love them, I don’t need a latte, I would have regular coffee with cream at home, and that’s what I’ll get when I’m out too.
  4. Know your hotel exercise options ahead of time, and plan. I checked the hotel website prior to leaving and saw there were some nice walking paths around the hotel. There was also a gym open 24-hours, and I have quite a few 20-30 minute workout DVD’s I could bring from home that I could play on my laptop, and do not need any equipment. I had all the options, woke up early and decided that morning what I’d do. I’m not much of a gym person, so a room workout plus a walk, to get a little fresh air, plus taking the stairs rather than the elevator, gave me a great start to a full day of sitting on my rear at meetings. My flight the next day was super-early the next morning, I couldn’t get out of that one, but did manage a lot of airport walking (and many, many steps my fitbit tells me) and a more formal workout once I was home.
  5. Avoid big meals early in the day: As much as I love Eggs Benedict at a hotel restaurant for breakfast, I opt for yogurt and granola or something filling but light instead. Big meals early in the day, or mid-day aren’t so great for attention span, and it’s important to stay alert for the rest of the meeting. So I say no to the cookies and brownies brought out at the meeting as well, because they’ll typically cause that 3pm sugar crash.
  6. Splurge when it’s worth it: When I bring my own food, choose to eat light during the day, have a short workout in the morning, and get some additional activity throughout the afternoon, just walking and making use of any down time, that means when I do sit down to a business dinner that night, I don’t worry about what I eat. Bring on the wine. And the dessert! Contrary to road food, a nice dinner, to me, is well worth a splurge after being active and deliberate with my food choices earlier in the day. The planning really helped this time, as I had one of the best meals of my life at a restaurant called Flagstaff House in Boulder one night.

And now? Back from my trip, I have no regrets.

There will be no diet.

No complaining that I feel out of shape.

I still have a lot of work to do on the wardrobe, since my outdoorsy-mom style doesn’t cut it.  I know now,  it’s finally time to take all those old suits that have been hanging in my closet for the last 5 years to the consignment shop.

And start investing in new, appropriate clothes for my new role.

But thanks to stepping away from the business world, I have been able to pre-plan the travel part of the equation like a pro, while also staying true to newly-developed personal goals, ones I never even knew to set prior to staying home.

 

Have you had unexpected issues with work/personal transitions like this? What are some of your tips for healthy business or personal travel? Would love to hear your thoughts and comments!

 

Motivation, Uncategorized

Mourning the end of a Chapter

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Last week, I was driving along VT Route 30 towards my house, like I do multiple times every day.

One would think I was engrossed in whatever informative topic was on Vermont Edition that day, as loud voices were blaring through the stereo speakers. I’d bet you could hear it clearly from outside the car.

The sound reached my ears; but not one detail seemed to register.

Instead my mind was preoccupied with a jumble of incoherent thoughts. When at one point, out of nowhere, I snapped. Tears welled up in my eyes, and streamed down my cheeks, as they are now while I write this post, remembering the exact moment in the car when the meaning of those jumbled thoughts finally came to light.

the road to realization...

the road to realization…

I had started to reminisce in my mind about my current life, like it was already gone.

Why I did this?

It all stemmed from a decision made a few weeks ago.

A decision I thought was an easy, no-brainer, positive decision, because it is something I’m excited about, and ready for:

To go back to work part-time.

But what struck me while I was driving just then is that:

One very important chapter in my life ended: The stay-at-home mom years

And another chapter has just begun…

I thought I was a strong person; this weird feeling I couldn’t seem to shake last week took me by surprise because my whole life has been all about change. I have moved multiple times, held many jobs. Met so many different people. I thought I was the queen of coping strategies. Always just fine in the end.

But what’s clear to me now?

Transitions are hard for all of us, at any age.

I don’t recall ever thinking about my life as a book. And each major change, a chapter.

But that day in the car, thoughts moved from the excitement of starting a new challenge, to the fact that this chunk of time I had home with my son, fully dedicated to him, is now over.

And I’m a bit in mourning.

These past few years were certainly not perfect.  It was hard actually. There are so many good things about being there for your kids all the time. But for someone like me, who had always been career-minded, in control, and aware of my strengths, parenting full-time has this sneaky way of zapping any level of confidence you ever thought you had.

Strangely enough, while I never thought about my own life in chapters,  I have always looked at my mother’s life this way, and that has given me hope throughout my stay-at-home years, because she has gone through many reinventions. I have watched her morph before my eyes from a stay-at-home mom, to a student going back to get her MBA, and then to a computer sales-woman in the early 80s, selling beastly-large systems in a mostly male-dominated industry. She owned a retail business when we lived in the Newport RI area, and then became a whiz in the technology field in Silicon Valley. And just last month, she retired, and who knows what the next chapter will bring for her, no doubt there will be more.

Whenever I felt down about my worth, or productivity, or satisfaction at this stage of my life, as a woman, home with her child, reflecting back on my mom’s evolution through the years taught me:

Life today is not what it’ll be forever.

There’s still a long way to go.

Perhaps finally having the ability to visualize these chapters for myself is a sign of aging long enough to see when life patterns emerge, and also, visualize them in hindsight.

I started writing last year, because I love communicating with all of you on challenging topics, and this has been an amazing creative outlet, and has also helped combat the lack-of-positive feedback I sometimes feel when parenting, or managing the household. Making the commitment to write has also been instrumental in gearing me up for schedules and deadlines again, because I knew the day would come soon, where I would want to baby-step back into a career.

And so when I was offered this new opportunity, one I know will allow me to use some now-dormant talents but on a part-time schedule, I barely hesitated to sign that contract. I am ready to get those brain muscles working again, restore confidence I once had, but most importantly, make these positive changes without abandoning the much more balanced life I have now, or my hands-on parenting style in the process.

Is that too much to ask? I’m not sure…

This decision to return to work part-time will be a good one in the long run. It’s just a little bittersweet.

I have to think more about prioritizing everything that’s important; this will be the hardest part.

I’m scared as I think about my life now, and how it has evolved over the last few years. I hardly recognize the old me, the full-time career mom. I was so out-of-balance then, only concerned with my son and work. Today, my world has expanded. Along with family obligations and career aspirations, I have hobbies, I have likes and dislikes, and non-work issues that are so important to me.

I now also know it’s essential to look after myself; a priority that wasn’t even on my radar back then.

Regressing back is not an option.

As a perfectionist, with the desire to be great at everything I do. I worry, with one more priority in the mix:

What if I can never be great at anything…will I need to settle for just being good?

I want to be a great, present mom. One who is patient, and actively participates in activities.

a recent selfie of my buddy and me...

a recent selfie of my buddy and me…

I want to be a committed spouse, who is not just one/half of a parenting tag-team, we need to be supportive to each other as individuals, and as a couple.

I need to continue taking care of myself. You better believe I won’t be slacking off with exercise, or eating well.

I love to write, think about health, and motivate others. Will I still have the time?

and now…

I have to figure out how to do great in my new job.

Sounds like I’ll need to make some amendments to those goals I set earlier this year,  take inventory as I go, and decide what stays, what might go, and where I need to manage my time more efficiently.

Those watercolor classes I took last month were so fun, but I’ll have to hold off for now.

Perhaps I won’t learn Spanish this year.

Maybe my blog posts will be shorter and less frequent. I hope not, but it’s an option.

What about volunteering at the school? That’s so important too.

Will have to see how it all goes…

I was talking to my friend Tienne at Silverleaf Journal about this new challenge a few weeks ago, when she alerted me to the fact that I’m going to be living the dream of most women.

Really? I had no idea.

According to a Pew Research poll, most working mothers today wish they could work part-time.

But sadly, 74%  of moms who work outside the home hold full-time jobs instead; only 26%  are able to get their wish and work part-time, because the opportunities are just not there for them.

So I will consider myself lucky.

While I may still be in mourning over the abrupt end of the most significant chapter of my life so far.

And deep in thought about the changes I need to make.

I’m hopeful I can make it all work.

I’ll still strive to be great at whatever I choose to focus on; not just good.

As I turn the page and begin this next new chapter…

How do you handle your work life balance? Do you work full-time, part-time?

Or are you at home, but seeking something more? What options do you think are ideal?

Here is some additional research on work/life/mom balance I found useful, you might too:

http://www.workingmother.com/research-institute/what-moms-choose-working-mother-report

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/

http://cognoscenti.wbur.org/2013/04/02/lean-in-carey-goldberg

Healthy Living, Motivation

School Vacation Routine for Parents

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WP_20140220_038-001I went about planning this vacation all wrong.

I assumed just because it was my son’s school vacation, it was mine too.

We originally planned to meet my mother in Arizona during February break, but I had a talk with Brett a few weeks ago, when I would have had to purchase the tickets, and he said he’d rather stay home.

Winter airline travel is no picnic, and it’s expensive. I also know how much Brett likes to be home, and treasures days he does not have to rush out the door, so I said I didn’t mind. We can stay home and relax.

I had visions of day trips to nearby museums. Enjoying time outside in the snow…

But our story most likely resembles yours. It has snowed almost every day and temperatures until yesterday have been frigid. The roads have been a slippery mess and driving has been unsafe.

Nearby museums require at least an hour drive, more like two, on small windy roads.

So we have been house-bound for most of the week. And while my tolerance for enduring cold is decent, Brett’s, no matter how beautiful the snow, isn’t as robust.

If I could include a soundtrack to our most picture-perfect outdoor activities, you would hear:

ahh, the happy photo...but then...see below:

the happy photo, but then:

“Mom, my snowshoe keeps falling off”

“Mom, I put my hand in the river and now my glove is too wet”

“Mom, when do you think you want to go inside?”

He does try. But as a parent, it helps when you are both excited about an activity, not always having to force it. My patience for playing the part of the cheer-leader for our party-of-two, is wearing thin.

So while having to make the best of Plan B each day this week, at least the evenings have been fun. Like so many others, as soon as the child hits the sheets, the husband and I have been greedily binge-watching Season 2 of

it fell off again??!

it fell off again??! Can we go inside?

House of Cards.

Sometimes we’ll watch two, sometimes 3 each night.

I can stay up late, right? I don’t have to get up early, it’s vacation week!

Just like everything else I planned during this vacation so far, it sounded good in theory, but in reality?

Not what I envisioned.

Brett’s internal clock is about as accurate as the atomic clock, as he has been waking up before 7 each morning, as if for school, and because it’s abnormal for me not to be up before him, he heads straight up to our room looking for us.

This is great for my husband, because he should be up by now anyway, getting ready for work.

But me? I need a little more sleep.

I have been cranky and uninspired. And taking it out on Brett.

It took me until Thursday morning of this week, to finally remember a rule I set for myself last year, and adhere to every school day. But I forgot, I need to stick with the rule on vacation days too.

Whenever I see topics in the news about school vacations, it’s always about the big issues. Like: what do parents do with kids over vacation when they have to go to work? Or about how expensive it is to actually travel during vacation. You also hear about how kids are off routine on vacations, and then have a tough time transitioning when it’s time to go back. Sometimes there are debates about whether we should have so many school vacations at all.

But what isn’t often covered?  I’ll break the silence as so many parents are hesitant to admit they are struggling.

When kids are on vacation, how does this affect us?

The parents.

Not just with scrambling the work/daycare/camp logistics, but how do we, as parents, stay sane when our routine is compromised?

Yes, we all know we need basic requirements, like food, air, clothing, electricity, shower, etc.

But there are other important needs we all have too.  Here’s what I know about myself as I start each day:

I need time to myself.

I need a strong cup of Peet’s coffee or two.

I like to read the news and do a little writing to wake up my brain.

If someone interrupts me, or tries to ask me questions before I’m suitably ready to receive outside input: I’m impatient. I snap at them. I’m defensive.

If I start the day like this, usually my motivation and creativity that day are compromised.

So, that rule I mentioned earlier, the one I set for myself on regular school days?

It’s that I force myself to wake up at 6 am, before everyone else. I have this time to myself, to think, to write, to wake up, before waking Brett at 6:40.

When he sees me? Shiny, happy, mom.

This vacation week? I should have known better than to think I could stay up late and sleep in. It just doesn’t happen, and that’s why I haven’t really been at my best.

I have a few other non-morning, non-parental requirements that will cause me angst, and you won’t want to be around me if they are compromised including:

45 minutes to an hour of exercise

Time to talk with my husband (or at least watch a mindless show or two with him), uninterrupted each night

15-20 minutes of reading time.

And that’s it, I don’t ask for much. But at least have these needs identified, and am telling the world.

We spend so much time pleasing friends and kids and spouses, and learning what makes them tick.

But it’s so important to stop and take time to identify what you need.

What makes you happy?

What makes you irritable, or stressed?

How can you organize your day so you have the best chance of having a good one?

And remember, once you identify them, try not to take a vacation from them, unless you want to learn once again, like I did, how necessary they really are.

Last night, my husband was bummed because I declined one night of House of Cards and went to bed early. This morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and had my coffee in peace.

And managed to get a few words written.

And was happy to see Brett when he woke up early.

This post is a little shorter than most, but you’ll have to forgive me,

I’ll adhere to my routine for the rest of the week, but my kid is still on February break, and it’s not snowing.

We may actually make it out of the house today…

.

I hope if your kids are on break this week or next, this will be a reminder to you to look out for yourself.

Do you have other suggestions on how to stay sane while home with kids on vacation? Or if not with kids, how you deal with lack of routine on vacations and breaks in general?

Healthy Living, Motivation

My Year in Writing: 7 Lessons Learned

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winterriver

A year ago this week, on a snowy morning, similar to today, I nervously hit the “publish” button for the first time and shared my first blog post.

I had been writing for a few years, but my readers were a select, extremely supportive group of like-minded folks who were into talking about health. That to me was safe; everyone was always encouraging.

But opening up to people I do know? What would that be like? You have to think:

What do I want people to know about me?

How personal should I get?

What if people hate my writing?

Or disagree with me?

Or think I’m weird because the subjects I bring up like health, exercise, foods, parenting and self-image, are often unsettling.

Or what if they just don’t care at all?

But last year I was on this goal-oriented kick. I wanted to do something more challenging. And scary. My father died a few years ago, and I missed hearing his ever-reasonable advice. And so thinking about the one phrase he used to throw at me all my life, I decided writing and sharing my ideas, struggles and insecurities with friends, neighbors and family members, would be character-building. And I should just do it.

So here I am, a year later, wondering:

how the heck do you even measure character?

I’ll elaborate instead on what I think I have learned from the year, and we’ll circle back to that later…

Learning #1: Writing identifies concerns; keeps them top of mind. Sharing holds me accountable.

Are you the kind of person who loves a good challenge? Who tackles big problems head-on?

My husband is a bit like that. He’ll buy every book or relentlessly search the web until he finds answers and then develops a plan of attack.

Unfortunately, that’s not me. I’m an avoider of problems. If I identify one, I’ll think about it for a few minutes and then promptly put it out of my mind for another day. And often that day never comes.

But when you write it down, it’s different.

My biggest concerns seem to be ones that have no answer. They involve a constant balance. Thinking and re-thinking. And the recipe for success isn’t always apparent. Sometimes you think you find an answer, and then it changes on you.

How do I stay healthy over time? What if I’m bored with exercise and don’t want to do it. What if my kid is driving me nuts?What about adding back a career, how will I do this without losing myself in the process? How do I not gain weight on vacation when I want to eat everything in sight? How can I be there for my child when he needs me? How can I be happy with myself, and how I look, as I age?

See? All tough questions. But if I look back on a post where I made public resolutions. Or if my sister-in-law calls and asks about my latest fitness slump. Or if my friend stops me in the school parking lot and mentions she’s going through the same issue about too much sugar and too little activity with kids, and let’s talk. It all helps keep me on plan, and holds me accountable.

Learning #2: My motivation for fitness appears to be seasonal.

I make room for formal exercise each day, but there’s a big difference between being excited about it, and just going through the motions. As I look back throughout the past year, I can see a trend vividly in my writing. Every spring and fall, because I’d rather be outside, doing what I love best: hiking, taking photos, foraging for mushrooms, hanging around in the river and just enjoying the scenery, I start to resent strength training.

I did some research on exercise and seasonality and learned that athletes have on-seasons and off-seasons, as well as different expectations about their fitness level during each season: they have an in-training weight, and an off-season weight. And this varies sometimes by 5-15 lbs!

My take-away? I need to think like an athlete and just go with the rhythm of what I want do each season, and not worry that I’ll be losing a little strength. Going outside gives me a mental break, and that’s important And, like an athlete, I’ll just pick it up the tougher workouts again during an official training time.

I wouldn’t have identified this issue at all if I hadn’t written about it.  I know this will be tough, to adopt a new mindset, but am grateful I was able to at least identify the problem and work to resolve it as I think about the upcoming spring season. Alleviating the angst will be welcome!

Learning #3: Parenting challenges often intersect with my own, and help me grow as a result.  

I was hesitant to write about parenting concerns because I thought they were off-topic. But what I realize now is that we can’t be one-dimensional. No man or woman is. We can’t just think about work. Or health. Or our kids, in silos.

They all intersect and our needs are stronger at different times of the year, to deal with the challenges of all of them. I have found often when I work out parenting-issues I end up drawing conclusions on my own concerns in the process.

For example:

When I was struck by Brett’s sugar problem in school, it made me re-think my own foods and the activity I get throughout the day. His peanut allergy keeps us reading labels and although is a terrible problem to have, it has helped us choose healthier foods in the process. Brett’s inability to sit still and his solution, helped me find one of my own when I realized I had been sitting too much.

I could go on and on about this one! We adults, we are just big kids, and have similar concerns. It took writing about them to see this more clearly.

Learning #4: I have inspired my family. Maybe some friends too…

I’m sure a few of you have tried to have conversations with a spouse or other family member about eating well. Or starting to exercise. But nobody will ever make the effort until they determine it’s a priority for themselves.

I know this to be the case because I was like this. And I have attempted to encourage others who are not remotely interested. I have since learned my lesson and will not even discuss health topics unless they bring it up first.

Instead, I have been leading by example, building a fitness habit and thinking critically about every food that makes it into our kitchen. It has taken awhile, but my husband is fully on-board. I think his positive-health check and encouragement from his doctor a few weeks ago really helped too. It’s almost like a race now, he’s started the year in full force: making time to workout most days, even if he only has a few minutes. The biggest surprise has been his pro-active research on super-foods, and introducing them into our kitchen.

Using what I have learned in Spark, by John Ratey,  and Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, I have been talking to my son about the importance of moving and exercise and spending time outside. These conversations, and reinforcement on the same subject in his health class in school is helping him pro-actively seek movement when he needs it and he is having fewer focus problems in school.

As for friends, I hope the topics discussed here have helped inspire you in some way too!

Learning #5: Personal stories are best, and sharing gets easier over time

As a writer, I’m a reader, and a consumer of many different types of media, from news, articles, other blogs, magazines and books.

There are way too many articles I click open, and the message falls flat. As a reader, I’m not engaged. Someone is speaking at me, giving advice, but they aren’t actually with me. They don’t seem to get it.

I hope whatever I write is something others can relate to, and have found the more personal my stories are, the more personal and amazing the discussions surrounding the topic. 

Once another blogger friend mentioned she gets lots of comments like “great post!” or “nice!”. While any feedback is great, I am so thankful I’m generally blown away by some of the responses, details and sharing I get from readers, and thank each and everyone of you for adding to the discussion. As much as I like telling stories, I love hearing yours too, and your experiences, solutions and the open dialog can help all of us.

Now, I don’t hesitate as much before I press that publish button. I have learned, you never know who your writing will touch, so you might as well just say it!

Learning #6: The community I have met through writing has been essential.

I had no idea when I started writing how many amazing people I would meet.

And that these people, some in other countries, some who I have never met in person, but talk at length to about similar concerns, have been essential to my life.

I learned a few years ago health is a touchy subject. Most people don’t like to talk about it, so I would keep concerns to myself. Finding a community of awesome folks like Maggie and Marlene, and Chris and Tina, Jess and Lara, and Carolyn, Angie and Tienne, oh my this is getting long, but I could go on and on and on….

They have all been essential to my thought-process, and a pleasure to know.

I’m excited in year 2 to build more of a community and add to the experience.

Learning #7: Good Health is an enabler.

Health is not something I want to think about all day long.

One of my biggest challenges with exercise has been determining that point where I can get the most, best overall fitness in the least amount of time.

And of course I want to eat well, but not too much. And we all love foods that aren’t great for us. Where do splurges fit in?

As much as people like to think staying healthy is intuitive, I don’t think it is. As we get older, our bodies do slow down. We need to adjust what we eat and how much activity we get. That in itself is easier said than done, bench-marking what we need appears to be a moving target!

Good mental health helps too. How can I be a good parent if I’m not happy with myself? If I am not participating in activities I enjoy? Or setting new goals or challenges for myself?

For once, I am not avoiding the hard topics that have no answer.

I’m writing about them. And keeping them top of mind.

And hope to set up a good system so I don’t have to think about it so much, and I can move on to just living life.

I have said many times to myself when I need a pep talk:

Good health is not a given; it’s a choice. And my choice.

Good health will enable me to fulfill all my other goals and dreams.

In my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Yes, I’m planning to get there, and to be independent like many of the other awesome women in my family.

After all that, what do you think, did writing help me build a little character this year?

So wish my dad was still here to live it with me, as he was one of my biggest health inspirations.

Perhaps I can’t measure it accurately, but I do think he’d say yes.

Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. What do you do to keep health top of mind? If you don’t write, do you have a creative outlet that helps you stay focused?  

Thanks again for your year of support,  reading and sharing!

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

What do you see?

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it's not about perfect hair and smile, it's about where I have been

I moved to Vermont when I was 26.

At that time, all decisions were motivated by work, and this was my 3rd career and location move in 5 years.

My mother remarked a few times she thought I was smart to experience what it’s like to make my own decisions, to be on my own and independent as an adult. She and my father were married towards the end of college, as was the trend at the time for women. She went straight from her parents house, to college, to living with my father and having children soon-after.  My parents had a successful marriage and she was happy, but she did acknowledge to me more than once, she wished she, as a woman, had that opportunity to live as a young adult on her own.

To experience her career on her own.

To date as an adult.

That actually cracked me up at the time, my mom date? But I now get what she was saying 100%.  What I experienced during those years, on all levels, was invaluable and had I not learned what I did then about life, love, coping, independence,  I think my subsequent choices would have been bad.

Really bad.

I eventually made my life in Vermont more permanent.  I moved again within the state about 4 years later, changed jobs, and lived with my then-boyfriend, now husband. One day around this time, during a quick stop to a clothing store I bumped into a former co-worker, a grandmotherly woman, with long gray hair piled loosely in a bun and big round glasses worn down towards the tip of her nose. I met this woman in my first few weeks at the office, and we had a nice rapport, but we hadn’t seen each other since. Peering down through her glasses, she looked at me for a little longer than what you would expect to be polite, and eventually remarked:

“You look the same. But something’s changed. Your face has a new maturity about you now.

It looks great on you.”

I just smiled; not really sure how to respond.

Do you all know that change?

The time when you cease being that carefree, happy-go-lucky young adult with no responsibilities, and then become the one with many?  I was certainly unaware I possessed this new-found maturity as it happened, but as I think back, she was right.  I recognize the same changes in a few of my younger friends who are going through it now.

And I’m wondering today, a decade or so later, if yet another new level of maturity is taking shape.

Because when I look in the mirror, I’m tempted to do a double-take, something seems different.

A few days ago I read a blog post by Nicola Joyce, a fitness writer, who shared with readers  a video she created for the What I see project.  This project, founded by Edwina Dunn, in the U.K., sets out to explore how women globally answer this question:

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Are they reading my mind?

It’s not often a message appears exactly when you need it; I’m glad this one did.

This is a simple question.  But one most of us are never asked.

And probably have no idea how to put our internal thoughts into words, although we take glances in that mirror a few times each day.

I have not shared my story with the project yet, but I am fascinated by the question and have become enchanted with the stories of others who have submitted responses to the project. Some women respond based on how they look. And some respond based on who they are as person, and all they have accomplished. Some seem truthful and searching; their stories poignant. Some sound like they are saying what they want others to hear, but whether they are being honest, or just showing bravado, we’ll never know.

And, what would I say?

Would I be superficial and talk about my flaws, and all the parts of me I wish were different?

Or would I be one of the women who looks deeper, beneath the surface of the once-sparkling blue eyes, the ones with dark circles etched with what seems like permanent black lines. Am I one who thinks about the character of me as a person, and what I really, truly have experienced over the years and have to offer?

When I’m standing in front of that mirror, I certainly want to see the character within me. The independent, career-minded one who moved to Vermont way back when, and surrounded herself with loving people, built a safe and beautiful home and family. I want to see the woman who is a caring, supportive, loving mom and wife. The one who has made good solid choices.  The one who is a good friend. A survivor of many challenges. And I want to see the woman who knows she has needs too, and makes sure those needs do not get swept aside.

But sadly, in reality, I do not usually see her.

Instead, I see the here and now, and give myself a hard time.

What’s happening with my hair today?

Do these jeans look tight?

Maybe I’m not exercising enough.

Maybe I need to get some cover-up to gloss over these dark circles…

I’m the one who ignores the fact that aging does happen after awhile. And even if it happens gracefully, I assume this reality doesn’t apply to me, so what I see reflecting back never lives up to this high expectation.

It’s funny.

The subject of character.

When I was a kid, my father’s most often used saying to my brothers and me was “it’s character building”. Whether it was the result of doing our chores, paying for our car insurance or doing our homework, whatever we had to endure, that we didn’t like, built character.

We grumbled and rolled our eyes whenever we heard it.

He would laugh.

And as usual, with time, we all knew he was right.

I know I have that character he helped me build; I just need to see it for myself. To recognize it. To put value on it.

I used to like the fact I wasn’t the spitting image of either of my parents. My eyes and skin color resemble my mothers side of the family; my disposition and height from my father. But my look was truly my own. The perfect mix.

Just the other day, I was getting a haircut. With hair wet and slicked back, sitting in front of the mirror at the salon, I looked at myself, realizing for the first time I’m seeing more and more of my fathers face looking back at me.

He’s no longer here, so that’s a little eerie. I wonder if the last time he saw me, he thought that too?

Sometimes it takes me awhile to develop a new habit and act on it, even if I know it’s the right thing to do. Like knowing who I am isn’t just about what I physically see in that mirror. It’s the sum of all I have learned and achieved. The ever-expanding accumulation of maturity that grows within me, and on my face, as I weave in and out of different chapters of my life.

Maybe this is the difference I’m starting to see now.

The new-found resemblance to my father; now a gentle reminder to me each day.

No quick glances.

Take a better look, and appreciate more deeply the person staring back in the mirror each day.

And as my former co-worker said way back when, the maturity probably does look great on me…

How would you respond to this question?  An interesting question for men too, who are even less often asked about their true feelings. 

I’d love to hear your stories. 

And please check out the What I see website and view some of the videos and perhaps submit your story…you may get lost in them like I did.

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Tradeoffs

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Many people think they have to give up foods they love, or feel guilt after the fact when they indulge, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s all a matter of balancing the good with the bad. I have heard a few percentages quoted in the media, if you eat well somewhere between 85-90% of the time, then the other 10-15% of the time, you can live it up.

Although I’m not sure where I fall with percentages, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this philosophy. I’m one of those people who love different tastes, appreciate a good chef and the creativity of fusing unexpected flavors together. And of course, love the bottle of red and desserts that go with it. A few months ago, I wrote For the Love of Foods , with the message you can still achieve your health goals, but also live it up with food when the time is right.

This ideal has worked well over the last few years, but I have to come clean about one new problem that keeps cropping up after I have one of these dessert-wine-heavy meal evenings.

One I keep silencing every time I think about it, because I don’t want it to be true.

On these nights, I have insomnia.

And it’s awful. I go to sleep easily, and then wake at 2 am, like clockwork, and am not able to go back to sleep. I have searched the web, and it’s well-documented that alcohol can cause insomnia. But after a few months of testing, just wine, wine + dessert, only dessert, etc,  I have noted the problem isn’t really the wine by itself, as much as it’s the sugar in the dessert–or the combination of both.

This appears to be my new reality, and I’m faced with this tradeoff every few weeks:

Live to eat whatever I want for one fun evening?

Or not sleep, and suffer the next day by being tired and irritable.

But I love wine…I love dessert…I deserve it, really….help!

But I can’t tell you how awful I feel at 2 am watching the clock for hours and hours waiting for morning.

What to do, what to do…

When I know I want to write about a topic at some point, I create a draft with a title and a few descriptive words, just so I don’t forget about the topic.

Then promptly forget about it.

This idea, Tradeoffs, has been sitting in my drafts folder for a  long, long time, but after reading this post by Caitlin Kelly, at Broadside: I’m not where I expected to be, and subsequent discussion, I thought it was a good time to pull it out once again.

The stakes aren’t monumental if I make the wrong choice once in a while when I go out to dinner, I’ll just be uncomfortable and tired and need to make up for it somehow.

But there are other tradeoffs, either conscious decisions, or ones we haven’t realized we even made, that shape our lives.  And we question ourselves repeatedly over the conscious ones, wondering  if we have made the right choice.

Career/Family

My big life tradeoff, the one I keep questioning over and over in my mind, is my decision to jump out of my successful corporate career and stay home with my son full-time.

When I was working full-time and traveling, and generally frazzled and without sleep all the time, I remember glaring at those lucky stay at home moms, who could actually hire a babysitter so they could go out to lunch with “the girls”. I remember seeing them when I was out to lunch with my co-workers. Must be nice I thought. They have all the time in the world to play during their day.  But what I realized very quickly is that the mom stuff is actually really, really hard. These women do need to do lunch with the girlfriends, as often as they can!

Work problems taxed my mental capacity, sometimes stress was so great I would wake in the middle of the night all-consumed by issues with clients or with co-workers, or just overwhelmed by the projects I had due the next day.

Mom-stuff zaps me of all physical energy and at the end of each day, I’d love to curl up under a rock and fall asleep and just not speak to anyone….

But each day those brain-muscles are a bit underutilized. I kind of wish I had some of those more interesting work-like-puzzles to unfold.

Other trade-offs with this decision? Money is a big one. The ability to fix up the house isn’t really an option anymore. And that’s ok generally, until the washing machine and the dishwasher break at the same time, or when the toilet springs a leak…eventually this stuff has to be fixed. And I remember the days when I had a big paycheck, I used to collect orchids! Really, who does that? I think every orchid was probably $20-$50, and my beautiful collection slowly died out after my son was born and I wasn’t able to keep up with them.

I think about all the money I spent on that now, and on $500 suits, and other little throw-away luxuries I indulged in when I was working, and think, wow, I do wish I saved some of that for now!

The travel tradeoff, I think about this often. When I worked full time, I traveled so much for work, I never wanted to travel for personal reasons. But I could afford it. Now? I’m dying to get out of town. Would love to visit my mom and my brothers and sister-in-laws, and my niece and nephews. And I have plenty of time now. But the budget isn’t there.

Nope….it’s never easy.

But my son knows I’m here for him every day. I have the time to work on his challenges. I know what he’s eating. I know he has a good mix of what’s important in his day; nature, exercise, healthy foods, time together to read a book, build legos, catch frogs. He gets a good nights sleep and as much as he likes activities, with me around, he has more flexibility to be home when he needs to recharge.

He often is bummed when his dad is out of town on a work trip, and doesn’t have as much time for him. But we explain the tradeoffs his Dad is making now, so he and I can spend our days together. We explain to him this isn’t always the norm with kids who may have to go to daycare or after-school activities and not see their parents but for an hour or so a day. We explain Dad enables us to do what we do, keep our family happy and clothed and warm and cozy each night in our cute little house. It may not be the most up-to-date, a la HGTV, but it’s our home, and we are comfortable and safe…

My husband and I do find this family set-up very funny. We never expected we would be a traditional, Dad works; Mom stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids kind of family. But hey, it seems right now. And I suppose we will re-evaluate these decisions and make adjustments as we go.

I think I made the right choice. For my son, and for my family. Time will tell for me personally.

Health

When I think about day-to-day tradeoffs I make, most of them are account of my biggest obsession: health.

In that first year home after I stopped working, I was disorganized and overly-focused on my son, I didn’t bother worrying about myself. I thought just being outside with him meant I was getting enough activity for the day.

I didn’t have a lot of energy.  I couldn’t get a handle on my weight. And my back started to bug me all the time.

My son had the down time he needed, but I did not prioritize myself. Nothing in my day took into account any of my needs.

The tradeoff:

Child has attentive Mom 100% of the time.

But, Mom is sick, unhealthy, unhappy and impatient

This to me?

Not quite acceptable. I did some research, figured out how much to eat. I learned how to like exercise (something I thought I hated initially, read about that here) and then made time for formal activity every day. No more leaving it to chance anymore. I also learned to take time for myself when I need it. If I’m impatient and burnt out? I give myself a time-out.

Making changes isn’t easy, but I’m a lot happier. And I now feel great. Have no back problems. And as long as I have a good cup of coffee in the morning am mostly patient.

And you are asking, what are the Tradeoffs?

Sometimes I don’t feel like exercising. Sometimes I’d rather do something else.

Sometimes if it’s a super-busy day, I have to wake up early to get that workout in and that’s tough. I miss out on some sleep (again!)

Sometimes when he was younger I had to stick my kid in front of a video to make it happen.

Sometimes I’d rather do take out and not cook our meals

Sometimes I’d like to eat a gigantic bowl of tortilla chips and salsa all day every day without a care in the world about how this is going to affect me long term…

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to think so hard about this stuff, because it is hard!

But it’s life…if you want to be healthy long-term, you can’t ignore it and hope what you read in the news about the need for eating well and staying fit do not apply to you.

At 20, you can get away with it.

At 35+? Not an option.

Just like my wine and sugar issues never bothered me before a few months ago, there are new realities that come into play all the time, and we have to figure out the best way to address it.

And there are even more tradeoffs:

My house is oftentimes messier than I’d like. My husband, a few months ago mentioned I should entitle one of my blog posts “A fitness buff’s dirty little secret”, to address the fact he found a zillion dust bunnies under the bed when he happened to look for something under there. Thanks hon.

Part of being healthy of course is foods. I cook a lot, and every night after dinner I am still stunned at my ability to use every dish in the house and am getting tired of dealing with the mess.

One little issue that has come to mind in the last few years is that my health focus has been so all-consuming I haven’t had much time to think about anything else, namely what I want to eventually do for a career.

From what I have been reading, every problem in life these days: lower stress levels, lower anxiety, better focus and attention, overall energy levels, fewer colds and sickness; better diet and improved fitness levels, along with some time outside are exactly what we all need.

And what most people do not get.

Nope, I don’t see too many downsides to this tradeoff.

But I do need to come clean on one other very little tradeoff:

This summer, if I want to write, my son plays Minecraft for way, way, way too long…

Mom, brain-exercised

Son, brain-frazzled…

But now it’s time to take it outside and we’ll both be ok for the rest of the day…

 

What are some of the tradeoffs you have made? Are you happy with them? Still trying to decide?

Big or Little day to day tradeoffs…

Would love to hear your stories and discuss. How are you handling them?

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Two Wheels on the Road…

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SONY DSCI have had “buy Brett a bike” on my to-do list for months, and it has been the one item on there I have been reluctant to cross off.

He had one of those balance-type bikes, purchased by my mother a few years ago, where he could just scoot along and lift his feet and put them down as needed, and that was sufficient for a few years.

But he didn’t have pedals.

Or have a need to learn any skills to help him stay upright for any length of time.

You see we have a long, steep gravel driveway, with a scary hairpin turn in it. And we don’t have neighbors or neighboring kids for him to feel the need to keep up with and make him want to learn. Instead we have a river and trees behind us. We do cool things in our yard most other kids don’t do, right?

We fish.

We catch bugs and frogs.

We walk and stomp around in the river.

We skip rocks…. who needs a bike?

So my husband and I, as parents, slacked off and let it slide.

When we were in Montana last month, Brett met a new friend at the ranch named Asa and even though there were only gravel roads, Asa had this new bike he was extremely proud of, with big tires that worked just great on the dirt and gravel road. And it would have been nice if Brett could have joined him instead of having to just walk alongside him.

Asa is 9, and had great skill on his bike. Brett, at 8 1/2?

Note to self: when we get home, buy this kid a bike!

He needs to learn. Every kid needs to at some point, don’t they?

brett bike-001

Testing out the new bike at Grandma’s house with a paved road.

I finally did cross that chore off the list last week, on a trip to Rochester to visit my mother in law, where we found ourselves walking in front of a Dick’s Sporting Goods, with no excuse like: “I’m too tired” or “We don’t have time”.

I haven’t really thought much about riding on a personal level over the years.

I guess I liked riding my bike when I was a kid. I did grow up in suburbia, and had friends who rode around with us in the neighborhood. I have memories of riding with my brothers, chasing the ice cream truck.  I have one memory of falling and losing a tooth, and running home alongside my bike, blood gushing from my leg, but excited my fall would mean I would get a visit from the tooth fairy that night.

As an adult, not by design; maybe just by default, I have pursued outside activities involving my own feet, not wheels.

But when I do think about the sport, I think about my Dad.

When I was a kid, my father was always gone on Sunday. This was his day to take an epic bike ride with his friends.

I have always admired him for taking this time to do something he loved. Instead of being like one of the millions of Dads out there who had no hobbies, and just work work worked, and did what their wives told them to do, my Dad took that time for himself. He would stretch for a long time, maybe an hour,  and then head out. I’m sure he got a lot of flak from my mom because of this, since she had to stay home with 3 obnoxious kids by herself all day.

But he knew he needed this time for himself.

And he was able to stay in great shape this way and clear his head.

My parents moved to the bay area, south of San Francisco, in the mid-90s and on one of my first visits to see their new home and new town, my father drove me around to see some of his favorite bicycle routes. He would often go along these super windy roads, and along the bay. On many visits, we went up Kings Mountain Road, in Woodside CA, to go to the restaurant at the top. The first time he took me up there, as I complained I needed a Dramamine and felt sick from the curvy drive, my father told me this was one of the roads he would frequently ride on his bike.

What? You really ride your bike on this road?!

I remember saying “Dad, this road is going to be the end of you if you keep riding it…”

He just laughed. And continued riding along these roads he loved for years. And still, on Sundays.

But then 2 years ago, while at home in Vermont on Memorial Day weekend, I was just sitting down to a glass of wine after a long day in the garden when my mother called, hysterical.

My father was in the hospital.

He had an accident on his Sunday bike ride. She didn’t know much else.

It wasn’t on scary Kings Mountain road. It was another one.

We never learned what happened exactly, as there were no witnesses, but my brothers and I were told to get out to California immediately. The next day, I walked into Stanford Medical Center and found my father in a coma with traumatic brain injury. He died about a week later.

He was only 67.

I have been told, well, he died doing something he loved. And that’s true.

I try not to blame bicycling.

Just as I have tried not to blame Memorial Day weekend over these past 2 years. Because honestly, I have always loved Memorial Day weekend and do not want to demonize it for the rest of my life. I was told early on when I first met my husband that his mother lost someone she loved dearly on Thanksgiving, and has always hated Thanksgiving.

I adore my mother in law, but to hate a holiday for that long? I didn’t want to live the rest of my life that way.

Last summer, one year after losing my father, I was on vacation on Cape Cod and my family went off to do something else while I took the car to visit a few shops by myself. I had a few messages on my cell phone from my mother. Doesn’t she know I’m on vacation? I’ll call her later.

But then a text “Call me”.

So I pulled over to the side of the road to do just that.  I learned that it happened again. This time to my parents dear friend. Accident on his bike, he had been hit by a car and was was in the hospital.

And most certainly would not make it.

As you can imagine, it hasn’t been so easy for me to let bicycling off the hook, like I have been able to do with Memorial Day weekend.

When my son starts to ride a bike, will I get back on a bike too?

My motto these days has been to be open and willing to try new things.  Especially activities that take us outside and keep us moving.  When Brett learned to ice skate a few years ago, I put a pair of skates after 20-some-odd years. And I did fine.  And he has been learning to ski.  So last season I put skis on after a 10 year lapse. I had been so nervous I wouldn’t remember how, but once out there, I loved it.  I was proud of myself for taking that initial step to try again because now this will be an activity we both can enjoy.  Because that’s all it takes sometimes.  Just take that one step, and you aren’t nervous anymore.  You can move on from any emotional barriers.

But what about bicycling?

I can’t remember the last time I was on one, maybe in college? I should say yes, of course I will retry that, and Brett and I can ride together.

But still I hesitate.

At this time of year in Vermont, I see bicycles and cyclists everywhere.

Tour groups. Tourists. I see people of all ages riding along on our narrow windy back roads, with no room for cars and bikes to work together side-by-side.  This brings tears to my eyes more often than any other trigger. When I look at the faces of these cyclists, I see my Dad.  When my father visited us in Vermont, the first thing he did was go to the bicycle shop in Manchester and rent a bike for the week. He loved riding along and around Route 30 and visiting the little towns. Stopping at the country stores and chatting with whomever was inside. And snapping photo after photo of the farms, the flowers, the houses, the mountains…

And all I can think when I see these people is :

Why are they out there?

Do something else!

Don’t you know the roads are dangerous!

But as some friends reminded me yesterday, as they were headed out on a bicycle tour in the Finger Lakes:

“There is risk in anything and everything”

This morning I opened up the manual on Brett’s new bike, as I’m thinking we can start practicing this week. I see “Warning”. “Caution” every few lines.

Is this supposed to reassure me I’m doing the right thing?

SONY DSC

Warning! Caution! Yikes!

I suppose not.

But I have ideas on where we can practice with no chance of seeing other cars or hazards.

And we’ll see how he does.

I think this year I’ll ask for new skis for the holidays, so Brett and I will be able to go more often and experience this sport together.

But we’ll wait and see whether I’ll hop back up on a bike.

I won’t say never, but maybe next year my head will be in the right place to take that initial step over the emotional barrier I still have with bicycling today.

Do you have any tough memories associated with activities, or times or places that you have a hard time getting over? How were you able to get over them? Are you glad you did?

Are there activities you have retried because of your kids or other family members?

I would love to hear your stories and comments.

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Words from Strangers

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No jeans for a few weeks, just waders...

No jeans for a few weeks, just waders…but I’ll get back to them soon…

I have been wracking my brain, wondering what I need to do to snap out of this lazy post-vacation summer trance I have been in for the last few weeks, when I remembered this conversation with a stranger that made me smile, and finally commit to stop whining about feeling down, and start to refocus.

On the way to Montana a few weeks ago, on the plane from Charlotte to Denver, my family had two seats in the front, while I had an aisle seat about 10 rows back. I was looking forward to this separation, anticipating some rare uninterrupted time with 1Q84, the thousand-plus page Haruki Murakami novel I had started a few weeks prior, and with my family around, my kindle would  likely remain off.

Towards the end of boarding a super-thin young gal with long straight dark hair, worn cut-up jeans, a tight red knit blouse, and spiky- high heeled boots, plopped her bag into the middle seat next to me.  The grandmotherly woman in the window seat and I did that polite-smile-thing everyone does on an airplane, and we each went back to our reading, hoping we didn’t need to engage in any conversation just yet.

After an hour or so, and a little more snoozing than reading, I woke up and looked around. The young gal, noticing I was awake,  glanced over to me a few times, smiled and out-of-the-blue just asked, “So, what are you, like 27?”

I looked at her, a little stunned, first of all that she would think I was that young, and second of all, that she dared to ask my age. Didn’t she learn you just don’t do that?

“Ummm, no”, I replied.

“30?”. I looked up at her again.

“35?” I was silent. “higher?” nod.

I don’t think I ever gave her the true number, but she was visibly stunned and I was a bit embarrassed by the reaction.

“Wow, you look sooo young!” She shook her head in amazement.

You can imagine I was more receptive to abandoning Haruki and engaging in a little conversation after she mistook me for the older-sister type, as opposed to a mom type ( after some conversation, it sounded like her mother may have been my age or younger).  I learned that this gal is actually 20, and she was on her way from Louisville, Kentucky to Montana to surprise her boyfriend, and go live with him for the summer.  She was a bundle of nerves, wondering what his reaction to this very big surprise was going to be. I would be too…can you imagine taking this kind of risk?

Today, as I think of it, I actually wish I took her contact information just so I could find out what happened!

But instead, I’m back here in Vermont, having a tough time getting myself back in my health routine and feeling worn down.

I have been back to exercise every day, but I have taken it slow, it’s not very intense.

My diet has been a mess, I still haven’t been able to kick that dessert habit I developed from vacation.

Why I have been slow to make these changes I don’t really know. Some of my friends and family would say a few weeks of lazy mindless diet and inactivity is what I need, because they think I worry about it too much, and I have to admit the allure of doing so is appealing. You are thin! You shouldn’t have to work so hard! You could use a plate of cookies…no worries! I hear them say…

But sadly I know the truth.

Letting go is great in short spurts, but if I do this too long, laziness will become a habit. I have heard it takes about 21 days to build a habit–good or bad–and I’m nearing the limit on settling into some bad ones!

Thinking back to the young woman on the plane, and that conversation about looking young makes me realize I have lost sight of a few things over the last few weeks.  I forgot that feeling young, and looking young is a choice (even if I know in fact, I do not actually look 27…), and one I want to stick with. I remember too well how I felt before I made these change in the first place, and do not want to find myself back there again. Yes, the motivation this time is a little vain; I typically like to say my fitness quest is for health reasons, but how can I not like the idea that people think I’m younger, I mean, why not let that motivate me for as long as I can get away with it?

So starting today, here’s the get motivated to feel young so I don’t feel like a lazy blob plan that should get me back to feeling like myself again in a week or two:

  • Get more sleep! This is one issue I have been slow to address but it keeps resurrecting itself every few weeks. I don’t get enough sleep and have dark circles under my eyes pretty much every day. I will plan go to bed earlier on some nights, and address the source of my new, unwanted insomnia habit. I’m positive this is the main reason I have been in such a slump.
  • No dieting, but monitor foods and cut the sugar- now!   Back to monitoring my food diary again, something I have let lapse in the last few months, to make sure I realistically know I’m keeping to the right food quantities. On vacation, portions get bigger and the reality-check of quantifying will get me back in line with appropriate portion sizes again.
  • Keep moving. It has been so hot and humid. Keep going on the exercise schedule, but make sure to start in the morning instead of later in the day when it feels like it’s 90 degrees. I just started a new exercise program, called Focus T25,  that I hope will work–it’s only 25 minutes a day of formal exercise to make sure I have some structure to the schedule. And then the rest of the time I’ll spend making sure to keep active all day with Brett: creature catching, river walking, mushroom hunting, berry picking….just hoping that humidity goes down soon so it’s a little more bearable!
  • Keep away from the scale. I don’t weigh myself anymore. Ever. I know many people live and breathe by the scale and it would be tough for them to stay away from it. But this works for me…  no good is going to come from seeing + 5 lbs on the scale.
  • And finally, stay away from jeans.  Instead of depressing myself further by spilling out over the top of my jeans,  I’ll avoid them at all cost and stick to the yoga pants and skirts for now. And maybe if it stops raining and the river behind my house goes down, we can just go fishing every day, I can hone some of my skills learned on the Firehole River a few weeks ago, and I can wear my ever-forgiving baggy waders until I’m ready to be seen in jeans again…that would be fun, I think every gal needs a pair for weeks like this…

So there you have it in writing. I’ve got the plan now!

And here’s one more little call out to that sweet gal on the airplane, who I hope is happily still in Montana with her boyfriend.

Your inadvertent compliment to a stranger on an airplane a few weeks ago resonates still.  These words are just what I need for inspiration to refocus this week.

Thank you!

Have you ever had a conversation with a stranger that inspired you in some way?

Have you given a compliment lately, or recieved one that made a big impact?  

Please share your story and add to the discussion on how you manage to re-energize after a vacation or a lapse in focus.

If you are reading this by email, please click on the comment button and tell your story!

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Vacation Reset

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Today I sit. And sit, and sit and sit.

Staring out into space.

Wondering if I’m glad to be home.

And wondering how to snap out of vacation-mode and get back to real life.

Yesterday, my son and I endured a time-warp kind of day in the hands of the airlines, starting in Idaho Falls, then Denver, then Charlotte, then eventually Albany, where tired and dazed, we collected our 100+ collective pounds of suitcases and bags, and stepped into the Albany Park and Fly van, where the driver eventually brought us to our car.

Oh great, another hour and a half of driving to go. We hadn’t eaten anything but a few snacks all day. I mentioned in some of my other posts my son has a peanut allergy. When leaving the house for a trip, we always pack a supply of safe foods in a bag to ensure he has something safe to eat along the way. But on our way home, we didn’t have the time to replenish, and just had a few snacks left, and after a week of dragging around the same granola, crackers and dried fruit, neither of us were interested in eating them. I doubt any of you have noticed this, because you don’t have to worry about food allergies, but every restaurant in every airport has a sign that says basically if you are allergic to anything, we have it in our facility so eat at your own risk! So we keep airport-restaurant eating to a minimum, picking up a Greek yogurt if we can find it, and that’s about it.

Once in the car, we headed north on 87, through Saratoga Springs, and then over to Washington County. Around a half hour from our house,  Brett finally looked up and complained he was dying of hunger.  He had been such a great kid all day. Barely eating anything and not really caring. I had been surprised; he’s not typically shy about whining when he needs something. But at the moment, there was nowhere to stop, so I rummaged through my snack bag and eventually pulled out a piece of provolone cheese.

It looked ok. I had packed it before I left and usually cheese is ok for awhile outside the refrigerator, right? I had been munching on some cheddar a few minutes before and it tasted good.

But then: Sudden scream from the backseat.

“The cheese went bad Mom!! My stomach is killllling meeee!”

Oh come on,  really?  I have just spent 14 hours traveling, carrying bag after bag, one on each side of me and around my neck, plus a booster seat, so if I was unbalanced in any way, I would have toppled over. And I spend all day every day of my life, and especially on vacation, trying to keep this kid safe from peanuts and nuts when we eat outside the home. And then he keels over from bad cheese?

He continued to moan, flailing around in his seat for the next few minutes. The realization: this might be serious.

Did I really just poison my son?

I had been blasting Steve Earle’s Burnin’ it Down before that, visualizing Steve burning down a Wal Mart in a town pretty similar to the one I was driving through, but had to turn him off. Brett’s eyes were closing. He leaned over into the middle console. Should I stop and make him get out? Well, if I can make sure to hear his breathing, that works.

He fell asleep.

I listened to him breathe as I drove.

And all these horrible scenarios played out in my head about what would happen if he wasn’t ok. And what I would do.

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An ominous welcome home to VT

About 10 minutes from my house, along Vermont Route 30. The sky darkened and rain started hammering the windshield. Is this a sign? Should I have stayed on vacation?

We finally reached the house at around 9pm; I woke Brett and wrestled him out of the car. He perked back up within a few minutes. Whew, sigh of relief! I pushed through the front door, leaving the car doors open and all the bags still out on the driveway, and headed immediately to the refrigerator. Having been away for the past week, the fridge had been empty and sad, but I saw some eggs, and made us a few omelets. Brett was so hungry, he ate two of them, and since we were still on mountain time, we stayed up late snuggling, talking about our trip, and making up for lost time with the pets in the house who all needed a little care.

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Our home last week!

Aside from the drama on the way home, this has been an amazing week. As soon as school ended on the 13th, we took a day to pack, and then flew out to Montana, staying at Firehole Ranch, on Hebgen Lake, and visited Yellowstone National Park. My husband was there too; he stayed for a few extra days, so had to miss the dramatic drive home. In Montana, I had one day of fly fishing with an amazing guide and now feel like I finally could do this myself. We had no access to internet. Maybe one bar of cell service; enough to send a text in certain rooms of the house, or check email, but that’s about it. I’m feeling completely out of touch with everything.

With the News. With Facebook. With Twitter. With WordPress. With my Fitness friends.

With my exercise agenda. With foods. Oh, the foods from this week! I can’t even begin to tell you what we ate, and I tried to keep up on activity with walks and some exercises out on the cabin deck, but as my heart rate monitor would display at the end of the week, it was an “incomplete training week” at best.

This morning the jeans are tight. I’m still craving desserts and wine.

But I’m looking out the window now and it’s beautiful here in Vermont too.  I needed that break from civilization and media and devices. And I wouldn’t admit it before, but the break from fitness and schedules and balanced eating was kind of nice too.

It was a tiring and stressful journey yesterday to get here, and we are both still in a zombie-like state of mind, but we are both safe.

Maybe it is indeed good to be home.

For the next few days Brett and I will stay on mountain time, and gradually re-emerge from vacation-mode to home-mode in a more focused way, but not today, tomorrow sounds about right…