The Myth of the Health Outlier

scene from vacation

I open the attic storage area door and weasel my way through the crawlspace.

On my knees and reaching over boxes of clothing and piles of luggage, I see the suitcase I’m looking for and attempt to heave it out into the bedroom without knocking my head on the ceiling, or jutting my foot through the insulation on the floor.

As I pull the suitcase out of the attic, it flies open and a few papers float down towards my feet.

What a cute little ribbon at the top, what is this?

I pick up the papers, and memories start to flow as it all registers.

Keepsakes from our trip to Montana last year.

Exactly one year ago.

These were our dinner menus, outlining every fabulous, decadent morsel of food we indulged in each night.menuranch 6-24-2014 9-39-16 AM

Oh, I wish I was there!

We are actually staying closer to home for vacation this year, driving instead of flying, and the reason I went to the attic in the first place was because I need to start packing, we are leaving soon!

I sit down on my bed with the menus, trying to picture myself there today.

That trip to Montana brings back amazing memories.

And the food, a definite highlight.

Last year, I threw food worries to the wind, you know, because it was vacation.

And tried to combat the decadent meals with lots of morning walks and some exercises on the deck of our cabin.

Once home, I definitely had trouble getting back to realistic eating habits, and learning how to right-size portions.

I most definitely gained weight.

I was stressed out at the time, and remember writing about it.

Hoping I could right this wrong within a few weeks.

But what I have learned since last year, is there were no wrongs.

It would be unrealistic to ignore delicious foods like this all week.

It would be unrealistic to not expect a little weight gain on vacation.

It would be unrealistic and unhealthy to starve myself when I return home, to quickly lose the weight.

And I shouldn’t get mad at myself.

Because this is Normal. This is living a good, happy, balanced life. This is to be expected.

Once home, back on routine, when I’m patient.

Those jeans will be comfortable again.

Do you find your weight changes seasonally?

My weight tends to go up a bit in the summer, when my routine is interrupted with vacations and travel, and there are so many amazing seasonal foods and farmer’s markets to attend.

And in the summer, I like more freedom, less structure in my workout routine.

And then I usually get more lean when it gets a little chillier and I enjoy the challenge of working out indoors.

It sounds like my normal might be backwards compared to many, who tend to gain weight in the winter months with all the comfort foods, and cold weather.

When I realized this was the case a few months ago, that weight fluctuates up and down seasonally and that it’s not the end of the world, I stopped getting mad at myself. Stopped striving for perfection all year long.

And just this tiny change in expectation and acceptance, has made a world of difference in how I see myself, and judge my success while maintaining my health long-term.

Now that I’m feeling super-comfortable in my skin.

Cutting myself some slack.

Understanding my personal rhythms.

I read something super-frustrating.

Maybe you saw it? There was a study posted this month by the CBC entitled: Obesity research confirms long-term weight loss almost impossible.

The report basically says, barring a few exceptions, we will all gain weight. And if we try to lose it, we’ll just gain it back again.

It’s pretty much inevitable.

Only about 5% of people can “maintain” their weight loss.

Here’s an excerpt:

For psychologist Traci Mann, who has spent 20 years running an eating lab at the University of Minnesota, the evidence is clear. “It couldn’t be easier to see,” she says. “Long-term weight loss happens to only the smallest minority of people.”

We all think we know someone in that rare group. They become the legends — the friend of a friend, the brother-in-law, the neighbour — the ones who really did it.

But if we check back after five or 10 years, there’s a good chance they will have put the weight back on. Only about five per cent of people who try to lose weight ultimately succeed, according to the research. Those people are the outliers, but we cling to their stories as proof that losing weight is possible.

This also states that doctors don’t want this news to get out to the general public because people will stop trying:

Health experts are also afraid people will abandon all efforts to exercise and eat a nutritious diet — behaviour that is important for health and longevity — even if it doesn’t result in much weight loss.

Traci Mann says the emphasis should be on measuring health, not weight. “You should still eat right, you should still exercise, doing healthy stuff is still healthy,” she said. “It just doesn’t make you thin.”

As you can imagine, from my experience over the last few years, learning to maintain my weight loss after pregnancy, learning to accept myself, and navigate all the different life variables thrown at me each day, as well as the mental baggage that comes with trying to make sense of it all.

I read this report and learn my happily fluctuating weight approach, the one helping me stay sane and normal might put me in the failure category.

I don’t blame doctors for not wanting it publicized they think 95% of us are failures. If they are going to allow this information out, they should have given us all better details on what constitutes success, and good health. Not just a flashy headline, ensuring a great number of people will give up trying.

Every adult I know has made attempts to lose weight at some point in their life.

Men and Women.

I see success around me, every day. and it’s not that I live in a colony of outliers, as they describe this 5% who succeed, it’s because the definition of success and failure is not as black and white as they describe.

What defines success in this study?

Do we have to stay within a certain weight range? And for how long? Or do we have to stay on one number forever?

What if someone loses 50 lbs but then gains 10 back? Is she a failure, because she gained some back? Or a success because she maintained this for 10 years?

I have gained 8 pounds in the last 2 years but still fit into the same clothing, This is due to weight lifting–am I part of the 5% who is a healthy size or one of the 95% who can’t sustain weight loss?

What if you gain weight, maybe that same 10 pounds, going up and down periodically but are still considered healthy by your doctor? Are you a failure because you can’t sustain weight loss?

Scales fluctuate all the time, sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly…no wonder this report says it’s impossible to succeed!

I’m not going to listen to the headlines.

Whatever we do to keep ourselves active is good for our heart. Our bodies. Our flexibility. Our minds. Our disposition. Our energy-level.

And the food we eat? We lead social lives and sometimes, like on vacation, we shouldn’t have to worry about some number on the scale staying the same, all day, every day.

Much of the time, yes?

But all the time? I don’t see how this is possible.

If someone is told to lose weight for their health, any amount of loss achieved is worth it. Even if they might gain a little back here and there because there is more to life, and more to good health, than that fluctuating number.

And there is much more wiggle room than the headlines reveal.

Anyone who strives to keep their health top-of-mind, can be labelled a success.

It’s not a myth. It’s not impossible.

Unless defined in a short-sited way.

On that note,  it’s time for me to get back to that suitcase and let the packing begin.

The Montana menus will go in a scrapbook for now; I’ll have to trade them in for fried clams down on the beach next week instead. And perhaps leave the jeans at home in lieu of more roomy skirts…

Let the summer begin!

How do you handle the balance of fun foods and staying healthy during vacation? Do you find your weight fluctuates seasonally too? What do you think about this study on long-term weight loss, is it impossible? What strategies do you use to keep yourself in check throughout the year?

Would love to hear your ideas and discussion….and happy summer!

Tradeoffs

Many people think they have to give up foods they love, or feel guilt after the fact when they indulge, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s all a matter of balancing the good with the bad. I have heard a few percentages quoted in the media, if you eat well somewhere between 85-90% of the time, then the other 10-15% of the time, you can live it up.

Although I’m not sure where I fall with percentages, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this philosophy. I’m one of those people who love different tastes, appreciate a good chef and the creativity of fusing unexpected flavors together. And of course, love the bottle of red and desserts that go with it. A few months ago, I wrote For the Love of Foods , with the message you can still achieve your health goals, but also live it up with food when the time is right.

This ideal has worked well over the last few years, but I have to come clean about one new problem that keeps cropping up after I have one of these dessert-wine-heavy meal evenings.

One I keep silencing every time I think about it, because I don’t want it to be true.

On these nights, I have insomnia.

And it’s awful. I go to sleep easily, and then wake at 2 am, like clockwork, and am not able to go back to sleep. I have searched the web, and it’s well-documented that alcohol can cause insomnia. But after a few months of testing, just wine, wine + dessert, only dessert, etc,  I have noted the problem isn’t really the wine by itself, as much as it’s the sugar in the dessert–or the combination of both.

This appears to be my new reality, and I’m faced with this tradeoff every few weeks:

Live to eat whatever I want for one fun evening?

Or not sleep, and suffer the next day by being tired and irritable.

But I love wine…I love dessert…I deserve it, really….help!

But I can’t tell you how awful I feel at 2 am watching the clock for hours and hours waiting for morning.

What to do, what to do…

When I know I want to write about a topic at some point, I create a draft with a title and a few descriptive words, just so I don’t forget about the topic.

Then promptly forget about it.

This idea, Tradeoffs, has been sitting in my drafts folder for a  long, long time, but after reading this post by Caitlin Kelly, at Broadside: I’m not where I expected to be, and subsequent discussion, I thought it was a good time to pull it out once again.

The stakes aren’t monumental if I make the wrong choice once in a while when I go out to dinner, I’ll just be uncomfortable and tired and need to make up for it somehow.

But there are other tradeoffs, either conscious decisions, or ones we haven’t realized we even made, that shape our lives.  And we question ourselves repeatedly over the conscious ones, wondering  if we have made the right choice.

Career/Family

My big life tradeoff, the one I keep questioning over and over in my mind, is my decision to jump out of my successful corporate career and stay home with my son full-time.

When I was working full-time and traveling, and generally frazzled and without sleep all the time, I remember glaring at those lucky stay at home moms, who could actually hire a babysitter so they could go out to lunch with “the girls”. I remember seeing them when I was out to lunch with my co-workers. Must be nice I thought. They have all the time in the world to play during their day.  But what I realized very quickly is that the mom stuff is actually really, really hard. These women do need to do lunch with the girlfriends, as often as they can!

Work problems taxed my mental capacity, sometimes stress was so great I would wake in the middle of the night all-consumed by issues with clients or with co-workers, or just overwhelmed by the projects I had due the next day.

Mom-stuff zaps me of all physical energy and at the end of each day, I’d love to curl up under a rock and fall asleep and just not speak to anyone….

But each day those brain-muscles are a bit underutilized. I kind of wish I had some of those more interesting work-like-puzzles to unfold.

Other trade-offs with this decision? Money is a big one. The ability to fix up the house isn’t really an option anymore. And that’s ok generally, until the washing machine and the dishwasher break at the same time, or when the toilet springs a leak…eventually this stuff has to be fixed. And I remember the days when I had a big paycheck, I used to collect orchids! Really, who does that? I think every orchid was probably $20-$50, and my beautiful collection slowly died out after my son was born and I wasn’t able to keep up with them.

I think about all the money I spent on that now, and on $500 suits, and other little throw-away luxuries I indulged in when I was working, and think, wow, I do wish I saved some of that for now!

The travel tradeoff, I think about this often. When I worked full time, I traveled so much for work, I never wanted to travel for personal reasons. But I could afford it. Now? I’m dying to get out of town. Would love to visit my mom and my brothers and sister-in-laws, and my niece and nephews. And I have plenty of time now. But the budget isn’t there.

Nope….it’s never easy.

But my son knows I’m here for him every day. I have the time to work on his challenges. I know what he’s eating. I know he has a good mix of what’s important in his day; nature, exercise, healthy foods, time together to read a book, build legos, catch frogs. He gets a good nights sleep and as much as he likes activities, with me around, he has more flexibility to be home when he needs to recharge.

He often is bummed when his dad is out of town on a work trip, and doesn’t have as much time for him. But we explain the tradeoffs his Dad is making now, so he and I can spend our days together. We explain to him this isn’t always the norm with kids who may have to go to daycare or after-school activities and not see their parents but for an hour or so a day. We explain Dad enables us to do what we do, keep our family happy and clothed and warm and cozy each night in our cute little house. It may not be the most up-to-date, a la HGTV, but it’s our home, and we are comfortable and safe…

My husband and I do find this family set-up very funny. We never expected we would be a traditional, Dad works; Mom stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids kind of family. But hey, it seems right now. And I suppose we will re-evaluate these decisions and make adjustments as we go.

I think I made the right choice. For my son, and for my family. Time will tell for me personally.

Health

When I think about day-to-day tradeoffs I make, most of them are account of my biggest obsession: health.

In that first year home after I stopped working, I was disorganized and overly-focused on my son, I didn’t bother worrying about myself. I thought just being outside with him meant I was getting enough activity for the day.

I didn’t have a lot of energy.  I couldn’t get a handle on my weight. And my back started to bug me all the time.

My son had the down time he needed, but I did not prioritize myself. Nothing in my day took into account any of my needs.

The tradeoff:

Child has attentive Mom 100% of the time.

But, Mom is sick, unhealthy, unhappy and impatient

This to me?

Not quite acceptable. I did some research, figured out how much to eat. I learned how to like exercise (something I thought I hated initially, read about that here) and then made time for formal activity every day. No more leaving it to chance anymore. I also learned to take time for myself when I need it. If I’m impatient and burnt out? I give myself a time-out.

Making changes isn’t easy, but I’m a lot happier. And I now feel great. Have no back problems. And as long as I have a good cup of coffee in the morning am mostly patient.

And you are asking, what are the Tradeoffs?

Sometimes I don’t feel like exercising. Sometimes I’d rather do something else.

Sometimes if it’s a super-busy day, I have to wake up early to get that workout in and that’s tough. I miss out on some sleep (again!)

Sometimes when he was younger I had to stick my kid in front of a video to make it happen.

Sometimes I’d rather do take out and not cook our meals

Sometimes I’d like to eat a gigantic bowl of tortilla chips and salsa all day every day without a care in the world about how this is going to affect me long term…

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to think so hard about this stuff, because it is hard!

But it’s life…if you want to be healthy long-term, you can’t ignore it and hope what you read in the news about the need for eating well and staying fit do not apply to you.

At 20, you can get away with it.

At 35+? Not an option.

Just like my wine and sugar issues never bothered me before a few months ago, there are new realities that come into play all the time, and we have to figure out the best way to address it.

And there are even more tradeoffs:

My house is oftentimes messier than I’d like. My husband, a few months ago mentioned I should entitle one of my blog posts “A fitness buff’s dirty little secret”, to address the fact he found a zillion dust bunnies under the bed when he happened to look for something under there. Thanks hon.

Part of being healthy of course is foods. I cook a lot, and every night after dinner I am still stunned at my ability to use every dish in the house and am getting tired of dealing with the mess.

One little issue that has come to mind in the last few years is that my health focus has been so all-consuming I haven’t had much time to think about anything else, namely what I want to eventually do for a career.

From what I have been reading, every problem in life these days: lower stress levels, lower anxiety, better focus and attention, overall energy levels, fewer colds and sickness; better diet and improved fitness levels, along with some time outside are exactly what we all need.

And what most people do not get.

Nope, I don’t see too many downsides to this tradeoff.

But I do need to come clean on one other very little tradeoff:

This summer, if I want to write, my son plays Minecraft for way, way, way too long…

Mom, brain-exercised

Son, brain-frazzled…

But now it’s time to take it outside and we’ll both be ok for the rest of the day…

 

What are some of the tradeoffs you have made? Are you happy with them? Still trying to decide?

Big or Little day to day tradeoffs…

Would love to hear your stories and discuss. How are you handling them?

For the Love of Foods

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Dessert? Yes please!

Oh yeah! A date night this week.

I’m very psyched about that.  Our friend Kiernan hangs out with our son for a few hours every 2-3 weeks so my husband and I can have an official date night. Unlike most people in the US, who eat outside the home an average of 4-5x /week, we really only go out for dinner on these planned nights, unless we are on vacation or out of town, or on an occasional lunch with a friend, but not often in between.

There are a few reasons for this. One being there aren’t too many places to go. We live in a small community, and most of the restaurants worth going to are either super-expensive, so you don’t go very often, or the food is mediocre or at least equal to what we can make ourselves, so we might as well opt for home. Also, when you don’t feel like cooking, the urge to call for delivery is non-existent because no restaurants offer that here. And of course, with my son’s nut allergy, it’s tough to go anywhere spontaneous, we have to preview menus and make calls to restaurants prior to going to ensure his safety. And take out? Again, too much work learning all the ingredients. This gets a little tiring.

So yes, date nights are special. And in preparation, I get super-excited, start thinking about where we are going to go, what I might have, and then think about my diet for the next few days so I can plan accordingly.

My friend Chris, who is also my most loyal blog reader and commenter (thank you Chris, you are the best!), posted a funny observation on her newsfeed the other day. She was at a conference dinner with a group of cardiologists, and she noted most ordered steak dinners with a beurre blanc sauce, with wine and dessert. She was a little surprised they didn’t go for more heart-healthy options considering their profession, and when she asked them about it, they mentioned it was a splurge meal.

Funny. But I can definitely relate.

One of the things I love about date night, or going out at all, because I don’t do this often and I plan carefully, is that I can and will eat whatever I want.

When the server comes over to us and asks if we would like the wine list, of course! Appetizer? Absolutely, how about the Duck ravioli with Potstickers, or at one particular place…Parmesan truffle frites (!!).  Bread. Oh yeah. Salad too? Yup. Entree? The fish special sounds pretty good over a decadent Wild Mushroom Risotto, with fresh vegetables of course. And for dessert.. that Molten Chocolate Cake sounds amazing. And no, we will not share…

I get a lot of stares. I think mostly because people wonder how the heck anyone my size can eat so much. Maybe they think I’m one of those annoying people who can stay slim and eat like a lumberjack, and giving them that impression is kind of fun. It drives me crazy watching someone hold back from ordering what they really want at a wonderful restaurant.  No butter for bread, or even worse, no bread at all. A salad or boring chicken dish for dinner. And, oh no…no dessert, that would be bad! My biggest pet peeve is skim milk in a cappuccino or latte ?? I mean really, that can’t be all that good? And then the person looks miserable during their meal, and stares longingly at everyone else’s, sad about their need to be “good” , but also feeling virtuous they were able to avoid temptation, while others were not.

How is denial good? I just want to say to them, be careful about what you eat the rest of the time, but when it’s worth it, enjoy!

A few weeks ago I did a search, wondering if I could pin down a statistic estimating the percentage of people who lose weight who eventually gain it back. There really wasn’t a specific number aside from “most”. But the one concrete number I saw more frequently than others was “over 80%”.

It’s no wonder so many people do gain that weight back. Because when on weight loss programs,we are told we need to deny ourselves of everything we love.  No alcohol! No sugar! No bread! And then when we lose the weight on this quick fix denial diet, we are so scared to eat anything ever again because we are afraid of gaining the weight back. The problem is though, we all love food! We love the smells, the tastes. We love to be with friends and family, and wonderful foods are always around. Denial is not sustainable for the long-haul. If you love and appreciate different foods and cooking, continuing to say “no, thank you” forever just sucks the life of you.

So “most” of us fail. Because we can’t live up to the ideal of eating perfectly clean 100% of the time. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

According to the Center for Disease Control and other sources, including my own experiences,  keeping eating patterns consistent as much as possible day-to-day, and planning for special occasions, is one of the best ways to keep your weight in-check over time.  Many people, I know, cringe at the idea of keeping a food journal, but it’s really helpful in learning how much you eat throughout the day, and weaning yourself off the foods that can put you over the edge. A journal can also tell you the reverse: when I have eaten well, often I can see there’s some room on the menu for a little decadence. I have been keeping a relatively loose journal for about four years.

My basic diet, during the day typically includes: Breakfast: coffee with cream, melted cheese (either swiss or cheddar) on mixed grain bread (homemade), 4-5 oz of homemade whole milk Greek yogurt. fruit, a little maple syrup. For lunch: local eggs, one or two depending on what style. Sometimes with veggies. Perhaps another piece of bread or more yogurt. Snacks: Sunflower or Pumpkin seeds. Fruit. Sometimes cheese and crackers. Often frozen blueberries with whipped cream. For dinner, we rotate meals with lots of fresh veggies, local beef or lamb or chicken or fish, a few times per week, quinoa or pasta. And wine, a little most nights.

And that’s it. Kind of boring but it works for me.

But then, on date night, or dinner at a friends house? Watch out!  Similar to Chris’s cardiologist friends (assuming they are being honest and not just embarrassed to be caught in the act of eating the opposite of heart-healthy…she did say they were all in good shape…), keeping to relatively similar meals most days, and keeping to the exercise schedule, I can splurge when it’s worth it.

I stagger the good with the not-so-good .

If unplanned decadent treats tempt me, I decide if it’s worth it and if it will balance in my plan, and make a decision.

If I’m indifferent, I don’t eat it.

Now obviously this strategy will be more complicated if on vacation, or on a business trip or during the holidays and for some reason huge amounts of tempting foods are placed in front of you at each meal. It’s much harder to plan that way and say no, so you need a slightly different strategy. But when at home and with a typical routine, this works really well.

If you are a good- food-loving person who struggles with finding this balance, try to find that menu consistency day-to-day.  Try eating in more often, or taking your lunch to work or when on-the-go. This strategy may help you to enjoy yourself a little more when it’s truly worth it. Because that one piece of Toblerone pecan pie, or a few glasses of Cabernet, or piping hot sourdough bread, or cream rather than skim, these will not make you gain weight by themselves, but being able to indulge in the sensory smells and tastes when the time is right is sometimes just what you need to find that strength to be disciplined and on track the next day.

Now, to decide where to go for date night tomorrow night…I think the Parmesan truffle frites may be calling my name!

Do you have a good strategy to balance your love for different foods with achieving a healthy lifestyle? Would love to hear your stories!

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CDC article on Maintaining Weight: http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/losing_weight/keepingitoff.html

To check out my Exercise Strategy, because eating this way is dependent on staying active as well: https://afitandfocusedfuture.com/2013/03/19/strong-arming-the-future/

Myfitnesspal – a great website w/ mobile apps for keeping a food journal to help keep yourself in check: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/