Tag Archives: Food Allergy

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Keeping our Classrooms Safe

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After hauling my groceries into the car, I’m ready for the hour-long drive back home, in time to pick my son up at school.

I double-check my phone.

Missed call. 802 area code. Shoot. Probably the school.

Why didn’t my phone ring?

It never does for some reason.

I check the message; it’s from the school nurse.

Big emergency:

Cake has been brought into the classroom.

Can Brett have any?

My heart starts pounding. And as I continue on my drive home, for the next half hour, my brain is spinning with possible scenarios that could happen as a result of the answer to this question.

What’s the problem, you may ask?

What’s wrong with cake? Kid eats treats at school all the time, right?

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids'll take it...

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids’ll take it…

No big deal.

But it is.

To the kid with a food allergy, when an unexpected ‘something’ is brought to school.

I continue driving. What to do. What to do.

And then finally stop at the first turn-around I see and call in to the school.

The nurse and I talk it over.

Will it be safe? Who baked it?

It’s probably ok. But what if it isn’t?

Is it worth it? Should he just opt out?

When he opts out, guess what?

Instead of learning at school, he’s upset in the nurses office.

He’s excluded, as always…

Sometimes I wonder if the questions I ask, the precautions I take, as a parent of a child with severe food allergies, are just a little too much..

Sometimes I see the eye-rolling, the impatience.

I’m clearly viewed as:

Helicopter mom.

Sometimes I think about the absurdity, having to plan every little detail of something so simple: something my child will put in his mouth. And eat. Like every other person in the world does every day.

Sometimes every hour.

Or every few hours.

Without a thought.

But then I open the news, and see for myself.

Not asking questions.

Not taking the time to double-check.

Not remembering the meds.

Not educating those around us of the issues facing life with a food allergy.

Sometimes results in this tragedy about a teen named Andrea. Or this one, involving a boy named Simon. Or this one, another teen, Morgan.

Every September, as kids get settled into the school year, deaths from anaphylaxis occur. These three have all happened in the past few weeks.

After the fact, we all scratch our heads and wonder.

Why didn’t they just ask what was in their food?

Where was the Epi-pen or Auvi-Q?

Why didn’t they just say no?

Their deaths?

Senseless

Preventable.

And this mom is reminded, in spite of the eye-rolling and name-calling by other parents.

There’s a reason we do what we do.

And for the questions we need to ask repeatedly.

If not, the consequences can be seen in the headlines.

To me, the answer lies solely with inclusion.

Kids do not want to stand out. They want to participate in school activities and events and not have to look different by asking 100 questions about their food or having attention drawn to the medication pack protruding from their waist.

If food wasn’t such a big deal, kids with food allergies wouldn’t be considered different at all.

And if food wasn’t such a big deal during the school day, parents of food allergic kids can put their anxieties away for the 7 or so hours they are in the hands of educators.

So I ask:

Why IS there so much extra food at school?

And how many times am I going to be asked this school year to decide on whether my child can participate. Let’s see….

14 kids x 14 birthdays.

Teachers birthday.

Halloween party. Thanksgiving Party, Xmas Party. Easter. End of School.

Let’s add 2 more random events…there always are a few!

That adds up to 22 potential opportunities for extra treats in school out of about 37 weeks, an average of about every other week.

We have a small classroom; try doing the math for your kids–I’ll bet it’s even more often.

Food allergic kids and parents like me will be asked to make to-eat-or-not-to-eat judgement calls like this or just have our children excluded from the celebration (the most likely choice) almost every other week of the school year. Providing a special “allergy-friendly” treat for these instances worked when my son was younger, but not anymore. It’s not about the food for my son, he doesn’t care. It’s about participating with the class; not being singled out.

And non-food allergic kids will just be given lots of extra food and sugar they don’t really need.

Every-other-week.

Really, I’m not trying to be a kill-joy. I love food too. And I love celebrating my child’s birthday.

But don’t you think every-other-week is kind of often?

Too often?

Food isn’t the only thing in life that’s fun.

There are alternate ways to celebrate.

It’s not just for the sake of food allergies, most of my friends aren’t exactly happy with the amount of extra, unplanned sugar and treats their non-allergic kids consume during the school day.

How about just taking a few extra minutes to think of alternatives, that can include everyone?

My son’s favorite: how about a few more minutes of recess as a treat? So much healthier; the kids enjoy it much more. And instead of kids returning from the celebration on a sugar-high (except for the food allergic child, who is just angry he had to opt out or have a dry allergy-friendly cookie instead), they come in from their extra few minutes of running around more focused and ready to learn.

If you are unsure this will work, or are drawing a blank on ideas, check out this link with some great alternative ideas for non-food treats and rewards.

Parents, teachers, think it over.

Fewer food treats: more active or non-food treats, you’ll have a safe classroom and healthier kids all-around.

Food allergic kids and parents like me won’t feel pressured to take risks, or be embarrassed or hesitant to ask questions, in fear of being thought of as one-of-those-helicopter parents.

All kids will be included.

There will be fewer allergic reactions.

And most of all, we can all focus on what our kids are learning during the day.

Not what they are eating.

How about you? Do you have ideas to share on minimizing extra foods in the classroom and focusing on non-food rewards? Would love to hear your stories, comments, experiences.

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Much more than a Sneeze Part 2

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Last night, at a routine family dinner, we started what I thought would be a routine conversation.

How was your day? My husband asked my son.

Well, it was my teacher’s birthday, and some of the kids brought in cookies and cake.

So you didn’t have any right?

Right. My son answers.

He gets up from the table and starts nervously tipping his chair back and forth, obviously irked.

Was it fun?  I asked. He had been talking about surprising his teacher for days; I knew he was looking forward to it.

Yeah, he said. But it’s really, really, really, really annoying. That I can never have anything.

I know I should be used to this.

But I’m not.

This initially surprised me, I have confidently assured family members, friends, teachers and other parents that Brett was OK with bringing his own food. Or saying, no thanks when a treat is offered.

But for the next half hour, no easy task, we try to calm him of the anxiety that he’ll have to live without, and be left out, for the rest of his life.

The conclusion? We all agreed:

We hate food allergies

And I was up at 2 a.m. unable to get back to sleep and get this conversation out of my head.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post called Much More than a Sneeze about my son’s allergy to peanuts to show what it’s like to live with this disability. Allergy is a common condition most of us equate with stuffiness and sneezes and annoyance but nothing too harmful for the majority of people. Food allergy is often more severe, can lead to anaphalaxis, and can be life-threatening. The two conditions sharing this same name, causes confusion and misunderstanding, and often a lack of empathy or patience from people who are not familiar with the differentiation.

If you read public comments from any news article on this topic, it won’t take you long to scroll down and see blatent anger directed towards people with food allergies.

Often people assume the person is making up the food allergy.

Or just wants special attention.

Or they find some way to blame the parent or affected child:

Being overly clean. Not feeding nuts as a baby. Feeding nuts as baby. Bottle feeding. Using a dishwasher. Too many pesticides. GMOs. Fast food. Living in the city. Living in the country. Genetics. 

The list of who and what to blame goes on and on. Because, when most adults today were kids, they never knew anyone with a food allergy. There’s a blatant distrust that the disability, invisible to others, even exists. So why should anyone accommodate?

As I think about Brett’s disillusionment at his grim reality, I realized too, as a parent who has lived in the world of food allergy for a decade:

I’m not used to it either.

Pretending the repeated exclusion doesn’t bother us is what we are expected to do.

But sometimes you get tired of keeping up the facade.

It’s a reality that food allergies are known to lower a parent’s quality of life. So you can imagine what it’s like for the child on a day-to-day basis. But we are expecting these kids to just deal-with-it. Put on a shiny-happy-face.

Brett is 10 now.

An age I’m told by other adults he should be more independent.

Yes, he can now speak up for himself at school when those treats come out.

Yes, he knows he can’t eat foods that come from other people’s kitchens. He knows how to read labels.

Yes, he knows eating out at restaurants is conditional, and must include playing 20 questions with the staff on food allergy matters.

But as a kid, he doesn’t want special attention; he just wants to fit in.

And instead is forced into getting singled out and excluded

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

At every single event where food is part of the equation.

Think about it.

How often is food not part of the equation in daily life?

Almost every day there’s a reason to celebrate something with food at school: holidays, birthday’s, seasons, graduations, finishing a big project.

At camps, kids need a snack or lunch. If you are just out for the day and need to stop for lunch at an unfamiliar restaurant, food allergic people, even if reassured of their safety, are asked to assume a fry cook knows to keep their food away from the PB&J sandwich station. Ethnic foods (with peanut oil) and roasted nuts permeate the air in airports, and while on a plane, people nearby are munching on these nuts and foods at all hours, and in enclosed spaces. We wonder, will the smell and dust in the air cause him to react? If we ask the person eating nuts politely to stop, will they yell at us? We really don’t want to bother anyone, but….

These situations represent normal everyday life for most, but stakes are high for that food allergic child or adult, or parent, if they are near an allergen.

As a parent, what am I supposed to say?

How would any of us feel if we were  told to act normal and stop worrying when in the same room as something that could cause us to stop breathing, land us in a hospital, or potentially take our life?

And also, I read the news and know the reality.

As kids get older, and more independent, it’s more complicated.

As we let go, because “we can’t let our kids live in a bubble” more mistakes happen.

If only we could keep him in a bubble...

If only we could keep him in a bubble…this one looks good.

And more photos of these sweet kids, who did not make it because they simply ate a cookie. Or ordered food at a restaurant they were told was safe for them, but it wasn’t, and they forgot their epi-pens, or the medication didn’t work, start floating around Facebook, and our hearts skip a beat.

Unless you follow food allergy news, you may not see these headlines; there have been many, too many, in the last six months.

So often when I mention food allergy struggles to friends or acquaintances, I’m told:

“you know, food allergy can be cured! I just read something about this on the web!”

Statements like this give me pause.

If it was possible to easily get rid of this allergy don’t you think we’d be doing something about it?

I’m guessing you have seen these bold headlines declaring there is now a CURE for Peanut Allergies too.

Although I wish this was really true, I’ll give you my take on it.

The LEAP study has received tons of press recently, with headlines proclaiming (contrary to what physicians have recommended over the last decade) peanut allergies will be cured if you feed peanuts to babies. But it’s really not so simple. The takeaway from the study is actually that physician-monitored dosing of peanut could prevent some peanut allergies from forming in at-risk babies. Note: Parents, do not try this at home!

This is amazing news, if they can reverse the food allergy trend, that’s monumental. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

But it doesn’t change anything for us.

The most promising news to me is research on a patch, that uses small amounts of peanut protein to desensitize the child to the allergen. If a solution like this became available, it could minimize risk when a person with a peanut allergy is accidentally exposed to the allergen. We learned just this month research on the Viaskin patch has been fast-tracked by the FDA.

But do know it’s not available today and it will be years before it’ll be a viable option for us.

And there’s one more headline making the rounds: In one study, probiotics, along with other oral immunotherapies over time shows “promise” in treating peanut allergies. But this is one study. And it’s very controlled. Feeding my child gallons of yogurt, is not going to do the trick.

Contrary to what the headlines promise, the game is not over.

There is still no cure for Peanut Allergies.

My friends and family are all pretty awesome in their willingness to listen to our food allergy struggles. I know the topic isn’t all that interesting to those who are not affected, so I try to minimize how often I bring it up.

I am writing this updated post for a reason though.

It’s that realization the comfort zone we have created to minimize risk over the last few years is ending, and with growth, there will be so many new challenges, it makes my head spin.

I wonder:

Will there be a cure before he has to leave his current, food allergy aware elementary school, and if not, will this new school help keep him safe?

Will there be a cure before he starts to go on school field trips? Will he ever be able to go on field trips? Or will he be left out, once again?

Will there be a cure before my son starts to date, what about kissing?

Will there be a cure before he goes to college, and has to live in a dorm?

Will there be a cure, and not just the empty promise of a BOLD headline, EVER?

Because until there is a real cure.

A cure that promises us the stakes of making a food allergy mistake are no longer high.

I’m hoping you’ll be patient with us.

We may live with it everyday,

But we never, really, get used to it.

Have you seen the latest headlines? Did you think this problem was solved? What challenges have you faced or conquered, growing up with a food allergy or helping to manage your child’s allergy? Or do you have tips on managing anxiety? Love to hear your thoughts!

Healthy Living

A Sweet Treat at Every Stop

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I'd trade a sugary treat for bubbles any day!

I’d trade a sugary treat for bubbles any day!

Although I do appreciate all your past support on this topic, I promise this isn’t going to be one of those posts where I launch into the tough life of being a food-allergy parent.

But, along with wanting to eat more thoughtfully for my own health, I do credit the food allergy parent experience with teaching me how to be more discriminating on the necessity of foods eaten outside the home, and outside of meal-time.

It’s helped me question whether food is really required during an activity, when it’s social, when we need it for energy-purposes, and most importantly: when it’s completely unnecessary.

This decision-making ability has rubbed off on my son too. Because he always assumed foods outside the home were unsafe for him due to his food allergy, Brett used to run away when he was offered foods while out in public places, or if he saw others around him eating.

But lately more often than not, he confidently tells the person offering”no thank you”.

Even if the person offering the food promises it is safe for him to eat.

Even if the food in question looks delicious.

Even when the food is being consumed all around him.

And even when someone keeps insisting he should want this food desperately.

Because he doesn’t take food when he’s not hungry. And he knows certain foods aren’t all that healthy.

You’d think that would be a good thing. But feedback on kids making healthy choices isn’t always well-received.

Adults are pushing treats and not-so-healthy foods at kids all day long.

We took Brett for an big allergy test a few weeks ago–one where he had to get 32 pricks in his back and one in his arm, and it was a very, long day all around.

Before we left, the receptionist says “He did great today, he deserves a nice ice cream cone!”

Brett looked at her kind of quizzically, and said “no, I don’t need that”.

Do you think for all his bravery, an ice cream cone would do the trick?

I stopped into a local country store recently for milk, and as I was paying, with Brett by my side, the gal behind the counter offered him a free Reese’s peanut butter cup.

Brett said no thanks and quickly made his way out the door and into the car, while I was left explaining to the poor lady he has a nut allergy and as she was scrambling to find something without nuts, I said, it’s ok!

He doesn’t need anything, really!

So generous. I felt bad.

I could have taken 20 minutes to lecture her on the concept of cross-contamination and food allergens, and guess 99.9% of what she had to offer, he still wouldn’t be able to eat.

But who has the time for that? Instead, I had to leave with this poor woman thinking we were ungrateful.

We weren’t; just uncomfortable to be put in that situation.

We attended an activity last fall, with arts and crafts and games for kids. And at each station they were given a lollipop.

Isn’t the fun of it the activity?

Is the lollipop supposed to provide some sort of additional fun-factor?

Completely unnecessary.

Brett could have come home with about 10 of these things, but didn’t even bother.

When I mentioned to a family member recently how proud I was of, for instance, Brett’s decision to stop putting maple syrup on his plain yogurt after seeing our friend Eve talk about cutting sugar from her family’s diet, and about how we always pack a lunch for car-rides.

He has never had fast food on the road, and never wants to even try it.

Her response?

She scoffed, saying this will just get him teased by other kids.

Kids are supposed to eat this stuff, if he doesn’t, that’s weird!

Seriously?

Is that what’s important?

 

I appreciate people being nice, I do.

And I appreciate they think my child deserves to be rewarded.

But what is it with adults, who are aware of an obesity problem in our country, but then encourage mindless eating, offering food treats and using food as rewards.

And are then hurt when we say “no thank you” to what is offered.

Or look at my son like he’s being deprived of one of the most important pleasures in life.

If we adults don’t tell kids eating healthy is weird, they would do it more often!

I promise you. This kid eats chocolate. He eats cookies sometimes. He eats ice cream.

He is not deprived.

It’s just that food, in my book, should be well-thought out and well-timed.

And typically that doesn’t include eating at every stop, and as a reward for a good or bad day, because we have those all the time.

If you want to engage children at an activity or a store or school, or any public place, please don’t use food as bait.

The activity should be fun, and speak for itself.

I love going to our dentist office, where as a reward for sitting relatively stable in a chair for an hour with his mouth open, he gets to make a selection from the big wicker basket.

And usually comes out with a super-ball.

Or a little container of bubbles.

Bubbles, what an amazing gift! Kids, no matter the age, all love bubbles.

I love our pediatricians office, who has something similar–last time Brett emerged with some gooey object that when thrown, sticks to walls and windows.

I love when we went to a farmers market once, we saw a woman who weaves baskets, and when Brett seemed interested in it, she sent him off with a few pieces of straw to weave together, and told him to come back and show her what he made.

He was so excited!

Most of this stuff doesn’t hold his attention for more than a day. But at least it gets kids moving and they can’t help but get creative with them.

A food treat, and the benefits from the sugar buzz?

That doesn’t last more than a few minutes.

Food used as a reward or as a treat throughout the day is taught.

I don’t think kids would naturally gravitate towards eating this way otherwise.

Once they learn to use food as a crutch to get them through every stress-or in life, good or bad, or every activity they participate in…

Once they learn to expect treats wherever they go, regardless of whether they are hungry…

Eating constantly, for no reason will become a habit.

And will stay a habit into adulthood.

Tell me, we are all adults reading this; truthfully:

Does all that extra food really make everything in life feel better?

Or is it just that it’s our default quick-fix, because food is such an easy, relatively inexpensive treat?

We just don’t take the time to think of alternatives.

 

Every day in the news I see articles about all the problems with children today.

We adults scratch our heads and wonder why the world we set up for them seems to always contradict with what is actually proven good for them?

They don’t get enough sleep! (but we give them too much homework and activities and make them wake up early for school!)

They are too sedentary! (because they are on the computer or video game and because we don’t have time to engage them in a more vigorous activity)

They don’t see much outside time! (it’s too dangerous. Too hot. Too cold. Too scary.)

They don’t know how to play or be creative! (because we structure all their activities and never let them explore)

They can’t sit still! (because we cut their recess time, make them sit in desks most of the day, and don’t allow enough time for them to expend energy)

I’m not going to launch into all of these topics today although you can probably tell they ALL bug me on many levels.

So many of them are beyond what I can do, as one parent.

But how about this one?

Our children are all eating too much and not the right stuff! (But we are not showing them the right way by example).

I just saw this particular article the other day, one of many on childhood obesity, and it is actually what inspired me to write about this topic: U.S. Kids may have stopped getting fatter.

The article explains the obesity rate of kids has held firm at 18%.

But then the author further explains while overall the rate has hit a plateau, it’s a very high one. And you need to look even deeper in the numbers: when we take waist size and height into account, 33% of kids 6-18 were considered abdominally obese.

Abdominal obesity is what leads to most health complications.

It’s not good for kids. And it’s terrible for us as adults.

As parents, and members of a community, we can take this problem into our own hands.

Let’s stop encouraging mindless eating now.

Let’s stop using food as an activity to bait kids and their parents.

Let’s stop teaching kids that food treats are the best rewards.

Because we all know it’s not true.

And we can do better.

Let’s stop making kids think they are weird for eating healthy.

And find a more thoughtful approach to enriching their daily activities and experiences.

What do you think? Are you deluged with treats and foods wherever you go? Do you have a tough time saying no, for you and your kids? Would love to hear your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading and sharing!

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My Flawed Sugar Compromise

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On my son’s first day of 3rd grade last month, I stayed to watch in the morning with the other parents, as the kids met their new teacher and over breakfast, he gave us an overview of what the kids would be learning throughout the year.

I was standing next to my friend Eve, whose daughter is in the class.

Our eyes met for a brief moment, as we watched our children dive into their school breakfast. Both of us, without even having to speak, knew what each was thinking: how many grams of sugar do you think are in this one, little, breakfast?  I calculated in my head about 70 grams, if my son was to eat all of it.

There was the chocolate milk one could choose.

There was the flavored yogurt.

The graham crackers (that were actually cookies).

And the cereal.

Thankfully my son chose the white milk, and didn’t eat all his breakfast because he’s a very slow eater, but that’s another story…

Eve spent a full year avoiding sugar, along with her family, blogged about it, and wrote a book about it that will be published soon. I have an interest in sugar because over the past 5 years, I have become an evangelist about my own diet. Constantly monitoring what I eat, weeding out the bad, and adding foods I think will benefit my health. Also, I continually assess whether my current diet works well alongside my fitness goals. I wrote a post earlier this year called My Food Evolution, about how my current philosophy towards food originated.

I read a ton of labels.

Avoid added sugar and sodium.

And if I can make something myself, I will. The less processed, the better.

My son has a food allergy, as many of you know, I just wrote a long post about it. It’s really difficult for him to eat out, we always bring our own food to ensure his safety, and I know that gets a little boring for him. But at school, the cafeteria is nut-free and finally offers him a chance to eat something other than what I give him. He feels included. And can eat safely. He often will try a new food at school, let me know about it, and I can try to recreate my own version at home. Because of the positives, I didn’t get too hung up on the fact that the foods he ate at school might not be the same quality as what we have at home, because it was only 5 meals a week.  It seemed like a good compromise.

Until Recently.

I am ashamed to admit since making this decision as a parent, allowing him to have school lunch, rather than make it at home, I never really re-evaluated the fact that since kindergarten, he’s been eating breakfast there too. No longer 5 meals a week, now 10.

And I never really looked at the menu consistently. I recall glancing once or twice thinking: fruit, cereal, milk…sounds healthy enough, right?

But until I saw that breakfast at school in person, the realities of this decision, or non-decision, became more clear. My child is not one of those kids who sits nicely at his desk and raises his hand to be called. He’s the one who is hanging off his chair. He’s the one blurting out answers to every question. He’s the one swaying back and forth into everyone’s space. And last year, he complained often about how tough it was to stay focused in math, right after breakfast.

He is a powerful little force, on the move…

It didn’t once occur to me that the food he ate prior to his lessons might be an issue.

When I learned about this sit-still-during-math problem, we started to do “jump around” time in the mornings, before school, and we have kept it going this year. Some days when it’s nice out we take a few laps up and down our steep driveway. Sometimes we will run down to the river and back. If the weather is bad, we throw all the couch pillows on the floor and do a few rounds of “pillow hopping”. We do a few squats. Stretches. Waking up the arms and legs. Sometimes we only have 10 minutes, but it appears to help.

I read a book earlier this year by John Ratey called: Spark, about exercise and the effects on the brain, because of my own interest in exercise and fitness. I know the fact that I incorporate formal exercise and lots of movement into my own day, I feel so much better. I’m less anxious. I’m more calm. After a session, I’m centered on the task at hand, no questions asked; where I’m jumpy and always feel the need to stretch or move around if I wait until later in the day. But my takeaway, aha moment, after reading the book, centered around what I need to do with my son.  The book described a fitness experiment in a school in Naperville, Illinois, clearly proving, in the form of measured grade improvements, how much better kids are able to focus and learn when they participate in “fitness” time first thing in the morning.

I hadn’t thought much about school food or his fidgety tendencies for a week or so, he came home happy everyday and said he loved school. And I was elated to finally have a few moments to myself to breathe, to enjoy some late summer hikes, and to have some moments to myself to figure out my personal goals.

But about a week after school started, Brett came home and mentioned he didn’t really like school lunch anymore. The Sunbutter at school tastes different, and he didn’t like it as much. My guess is that the school serves the sweetened kind, whereas he is used to the unsweetened version we have at home. And lately, he has been choosing sandwiches more often than the hot lunch. I told him I’d be happy to make his lunch on days he would opt for a sandwich.

I hung the lunch menu on the cabinet so he could check it out and decide each morning.

And every day since, he has opted for home lunch; I don’t bother asking anymore…

On Monday, as we were driving home from school, Brett mentioned he had a breakfast cereal that he didn’t like; it was too sweet. It made his stomach hurt. I asked him what it was called.

Trix.

Hmm, I remember Trix is one of those sugary cereals I used to see commercials for when I was a kid. Why in the world would that be a choice at school?

The first thing we did when we came home that afternoon was look up Trix on the web, I wanted to see what the nutrition label looked like. Once I did, yup….lots of sugar (13 g). I asked Brett what other choices he had, that he could remember. He named 4 or 5 different brands. I looked them up and we decided, for breakfast at school, your best bets are Kix (3 g), or Rice Krispies (4 g).

But as we discussed it further, we thought, this is silly, let’s just bring in our own cereal (Erewhon Brown Rice (0g) mixed with Enjoy Life Flax (2 g)) So he has done this for the last few days and is perfectly happy.

With so much media play on the need to lower obesity rates in children.  And so much documentation about how sugars make kids unable to sit still, to focus, along with the fact they do not get enough active movement during the day, you just have to wonder, why do they even let these  sugary options through the door?

Whether this breakfast change will make a difference in his focus, or his need to move around so much, who knows. But at least we can be confident now that the foods he eats each day are not contributing to the problem.

I still am mad at myself for being so complacent for the last few years. Maybe it’s because I am so “on it” with the foods stocked in my kitchen, for both health and allergy reasons, it felt good to take a deep breath, and delegate, just for a few meals each week.

But if someone swapped out my plain yogurt with a super-fake-sugary one. Or gave me graham cracker cookies instead of my typical seedy low-sugar brand, I certainly would not let it happen.

I’d feel like a blob all day.

And so do our kids.

My son knew this stuff didn’t taste good. His stomach felt odd. He could tell he needed something different and we worked together to make better choices.

I hope you all don’t think I’m some scrooge, never allowing my kid treats, making him eat Brown Rice & Flax cereal. Believe me, when sugar is necessary, I’m all for it. I have this one espresso brownie recipe I’m embarrassed to say I make more often than I should. It calls for 3 1/2 cups of sugar! And we have chocolate in the house. And I make cookies. Maple syrup and honey are everyday staples.

I like sugar for dessert, but not hidden in basic meals.

Brett and I had a specific conversation about the terms: Appropriate and Not appropriate yesterday.  He wanted to wear a pig mask he made at school during recess. I had to explain, it wasn’t that the mask was in itself bad, it was just clearly not appropriate to wear at that time. These same terms came up again later in the afternoon when he wanted to bounce on the cool adjustable chair at his dentist appointment. By the horrified look on the hygienist’s face when she saw that chair wobble, we clearly know bouncing is ok outside, but at the dentist, we can file under: Not Appropriate.

He understood quickly. Not appropriate is when the timing is wrong.

And the terms apply perfectly in the case for sugar.

Too much of it during the school day? Not appropriate.

After school? Appropriate.

On the weekends after lunch or dinner? Depends on what we are doing, but mostly: Appropriate.

For adults at work? Judging by how many of us eat poorly and want to fall asleep at our desks in the afternoon after a big lunch, then need a 3 pm coffee pick-me-up? I’m going going to say sugar isn’t really all that appropriate here for adults.

Sugar before bedtime? For kids; Not appropriate.

And for me? I have started getting insomnia on nights I have a late dessert. File under: Not appropriate.

Timing makes all the difference.

I used to have a few minutes to myself in the mornings. To write. To think.

To drink coffee and think about the day ahead.

I didn’t have to make Brett’s lunch for the last few years; but now I do.

Apparently, I’ll now be making him two breakfasts each day too, one for home, one for school.

And that’s ok.

I’m proud of him for speaking up. He has proven he has a strong instinct regarding his own health; an instinct as good or better than my own.

He reminded me we should never become complacent with our own nutritional needs.

If something isn’t working, we can stop, think, ask questions and reevaluate to make positive changes.

And that sometimes a compromise is just not worth it.

 How do you approach sugar, for you, or your family?

Are there foods you notice help or adversely affect your moods or focus? How about exercise and movement? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Uncategorized

Much more than a Sneeze…

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WP_20130903_004-001Brett and I took the red eye flight last February from Phoenix to Dulles and arrived at 6 am.

He slept on the flight.

Me, not so much.

For him to be comfortable enough to sleep, it means discomfort for me as he sprawls his body across both seats, pinning me down, I am unable to move for hours.

Finally off the plane, eyes still blurry as they adjust to the air and lighting. We had to find our next gate; it would be a shuttle, and then a long walk. As we made our way through the terminal, we passed a food court.

Within a few seconds, “Mom, something smells horrible,  it’s bothering my throat! Get me out of here!”

I look to my left and see fast food workers behind trays, food sizzling away. A Chinese buffet. Peanut oil is sifting through the air. I can’t tell the difference, but Brett’s body sure can…

We quickly run away. I pull him aside when we are safe from fumes, and pull out a Benadryl Fastmelt.

6 am? Really? We have to worry about Chinese Food cooking at 6 am?

I just want some coffee…

This is the reality of parenting a child with a peanut allergy.

I have so many stories like this. How to even begin?

There was the time we went to an annual game dinner with my husband’s co-workers, where we had to flee the scene after my son, running around outside with some other kids, had a nose-to-air assault. We discovered the culprit. Wild turkey in the smoker, cooked in, you guessed it: peanut oil.

When Brett was a little shorter, a few years ago, counter-height, we were checking out at a natural foods store in town and he began to sneeze. And sneeze. And sneeze. Multiply this 20x or so, the stores owner and I look at him in alarm. What is going on? I pull him out the front door, give him a Benadryl, and have him stand outside while I finish paying for our “nut-free” crackers and supplies. I look down, a peanut cookie, wrapped in a light cling-wrap, sat nose-height directly in front of him on the counter.

Our favorite store, a birding store, has open bird seed bins, with peanut dust flying everywhere. It used to be a treat to go there; now we don’t go in there at all. Now I worry even if I go there myself, what if the product I purchase for him has peanut dust on it?  And then there’s the local garden store with a large pet bird. We loved to visit just to see him, until we were there watching as a staff member fed peanuts to the bird; shells and dust littering the floors. I haven’t been back.

We are in Beaver Creek, Colorado with my family. Before going out to dinner, I check the website of each potential restaurant, and start the inquisition. Do you use peanut oil? How many menu-items have peanuts or nuts? Do the people working there sound like they know what they are doing and will take care of my son’s meal?  After dinner someone mentions going to get ice cream cones. They all go. We have to search for 15 minutes to find a convenience store, to find a pint of ice cream with an allergy-friendly label, because we can’t go to Ice Cream Parlors. Cross-contamination. Our family looks at us kind of funny. It was bad enough it took three tries to agree on a suitable restaurant. Now this? They wonder, are we being just a little over-the-top with our caution?

During intermission at a local high school play with friends, baked goods are spread out on tables for purchase. So tempting. My son’s friend hurries over and picks out two cookies. There aren’t nuts in it, she says, Brett do you want one? I’m sure they are fine!

My son stiffens.

Then runs to the hallway, away from all the food.

There’s nothing there for him.

Even an innocent little cookie, baked probably with love by one of the high school kids parents, and probably without nuts, is off limits. Who made it? What are the ingredients? Is the chocolate they use made in the same facility as other nuts? Do they have nuts in their kitchen? I found a squished old allergy-friendly chocolate bar in my purse, left over from Halloween, and that had to suffice until the play was over. If only they sold something in a package. With a label. Without nuts. Without being produced in a facility with nuts, he could have something to eat.

Quite a few of my friends have suggested I consider writing about what it’s like to deal with this peanut allergy on an ongoing basis. My response so far has been, no thanks. I don’t think I could keep up on the news and still stay a positive happy person.

I’ll keep it health-focused. That makes me happy.

But food allergies are on the mind this week.

One reason, is that recent news has been particularly horrifying. When I open Facebook, where most of my food allergy-related sources live and communicate allergy news and happenings, the photo of a beautiful, smiling 13-year old girl, Natalie Giori, is repeatedly shared.

Natalie died from anaphylaxis in late July. Her parents this past week spoke out about the incident. She died because she ate a Rice Krispie treat at a camp cookout. She thought it was ok. It didn’t look like it contained nuts. But it did.

Her Benadryl didn’t work, nor the 3 epi-pens administered.

You can read about it here..

As a parent of a child with food allergies, I have to keep up with the news. But often, it’s hard. If I miss out on important new developments, and learnings from fatal, heartbreaking, too-close-to-home stories like the one above, I will miss out on making myself a smarter, more-prepared parent.

But if I read about this too much? It just depresses the heck out of me.

As I’m contemplating Natalie last week, my son starts 3rd grade.

At the beginning of each new school year, food-allergy parents need to head straight to the school nurse. We discuss our emergency action plan. We sign new forms and have our doctors sign as well. We give the school a recent photo of our child so they can post the photos on their emergency forms in all the common school rooms. We get new epi-pens so the school has valid ones for the year and double-check the box of Benadryl is up-to-date.  We meet the new teacher ahead of time to make sure he is aware of the allergy and knows to have two epi-pens follow Brett wherever he goes. I’m lucky; our elementary school is fantastic and has the best policies on allergies a parent could ever want. The nurse, Mandy, a gem. Thankfully, that’s the one place I am confident I can leave him.

Our school also sends out an informational form to parents about food allergies, the severity of them, and outlines procedures used at the school to ensure nut-free rooms and zones exist to keep students safe.  Although nuts are not banned, the policy cautions parents about sending kids with nut products in their school lunch.

I know this is a pain for other parents.

Every school year, in the news, I hear about some group of parents, in another community around the U.S. fighting the school about nut-free policies. They don’t understand why they need to change what their kids eat because of other people’s issues. Can’t these allergic kids just stay away from nuts?

They can, yes, to a certain point.

We do, as parents, whatever we can to make sure our kids avoid the allergen. In the stories I mention earlier you can see that. But sometimes these kids come face-to-face with the allergen and it’s unavoidable, sort of like second-hand smoke, or worse, using another recent news topic, like a chemical weapon.

Severe food allergies are not the same as regular outdoor allergies: It’s not sneezing and wheezing from dust or pets or plants. Exposure can cause anaphylaxis. Where someone’s throat closes up and they are not able to breathe. Like my son in the airport, or the game dinner, coming face-to-face with sizzling peanut oil. He is just walking down the hall, or just running around, and then bang, it happens!

Epi-pens are powerful and save lives; but in some cases, like with Natalie, who did actually consume the peanut, the success rate is not 100%.

At a school, nut residue could be on a doorknob, or a table, or on playground equipment, or just on a friends hand, who touches my son, and it transfers. And that’s why it isn’t just something we as parents can control on our own.

And why many of us, parent and child, navigating life with food allergies every day have so much anxiety.

Every year I get better in my role of being a food allergy parent.

The difficult part though involves finding the right balance. Teaching the child to advocate for themselves as they get older, and also ensuring their safety in an emergency. I get loads of unsolicited advice from family, acquaintances, and some friends. Who judge my actions as a parent, when they have no idea what kinds of dilemmas we face each day.

Do you really have to read that label 15 times, or ask the server if there are nuts in a hot dog?

Nobody puts nuts in hot dogs.

Well, yes, someone might.

But the label doesn’t say “produced in the facility with nuts” it must be ok, right?

Why do you need to call the company to ask?

Because it’s not a law; companies do not have to label when there are nuts in the facility, or even when foods are processed on the same equipment. Cross-contamination is a big deal.

And surely he can learn to speak up for himself and carry his own medicine.

I don’t know. Would you put a couple of huge needles in an 8-year olds backpack, and expect him to save himself by stabbing himself in the leg if his throat started to close up from contact with an allergen?

Other kids go to camps all summer, why does Brett only attend a few?

Most camps around here have no policies for nut-allergies and no training on epi-pens. Would you leave your kid somewhere when you can’t ensure their safety?

And, you haven’t left him at a birthday party or playdate by himself?

Not yet…but I’m working towards it!

Aren’t you just being a little too hovering, a little too over-protective?

He needs to learn independence.

I don’t know.

It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just leaving my child with someone else is a big responsibility.

For me and for the other parent.

Food allergies are certainly not the only childhood problem. All parents have issues with their children. My son’s friend Ashley has Type 1 diabetes, and her mom Lynn and I are often the ones staying at after-school activities and summer camps, long after other parents are free to leave. Lynn explained to me one day in detail what she needs to do to keep her daughter safe, on an hourly basis, sometimes more, and my jaw dropped in disbelief.

But food allergies are invisible. And they are misunderstood. There is no apparent reason why my child has one; he certainly didn’t ask for one, and neither did the other millions of people who are living with this problem.

What I’d like to accomplish by writing my thoughts here?

As you send your kids back to school you will inevitably encounter kids in similar circumstances, and their parents trying to figure out how to balance their safety and independence, even while the two goals seem to contradict each other.

Less judgement and unsolicited advice.

Patience. Support.

Understanding.

Food allergies are complicated.

While they share the same name as seasonal allergies,

The realities, if we aren’t careful, are much, much, more than a simple sneeze.

Do you have anyone with food allergies or intolerance in your life? Or any difference, that makes it a little tougher as a parent? Would love to hear your stories and strategies…

Please consider sharing to promote better understanding of Food Allergies, thank you!

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Vacation Reset

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Today I sit. And sit, and sit and sit.

Staring out into space.

Wondering if I’m glad to be home.

And wondering how to snap out of vacation-mode and get back to real life.

Yesterday, my son and I endured a time-warp kind of day in the hands of the airlines, starting in Idaho Falls, then Denver, then Charlotte, then eventually Albany, where tired and dazed, we collected our 100+ collective pounds of suitcases and bags, and stepped into the Albany Park and Fly van, where the driver eventually brought us to our car.

Oh great, another hour and a half of driving to go. We hadn’t eaten anything but a few snacks all day. I mentioned in some of my other posts my son has a peanut allergy. When leaving the house for a trip, we always pack a supply of safe foods in a bag to ensure he has something safe to eat along the way. But on our way home, we didn’t have the time to replenish, and just had a few snacks left, and after a week of dragging around the same granola, crackers and dried fruit, neither of us were interested in eating them. I doubt any of you have noticed this, because you don’t have to worry about food allergies, but every restaurant in every airport has a sign that says basically if you are allergic to anything, we have it in our facility so eat at your own risk! So we keep airport-restaurant eating to a minimum, picking up a Greek yogurt if we can find it, and that’s about it.

Once in the car, we headed north on 87, through Saratoga Springs, and then over to Washington County. Around a half hour from our house,  Brett finally looked up and complained he was dying of hunger.  He had been such a great kid all day. Barely eating anything and not really caring. I had been surprised; he’s not typically shy about whining when he needs something. But at the moment, there was nowhere to stop, so I rummaged through my snack bag and eventually pulled out a piece of provolone cheese.

It looked ok. I had packed it before I left and usually cheese is ok for awhile outside the refrigerator, right? I had been munching on some cheddar a few minutes before and it tasted good.

But then: Sudden scream from the backseat.

“The cheese went bad Mom!! My stomach is killllling meeee!”

Oh come on,  really?  I have just spent 14 hours traveling, carrying bag after bag, one on each side of me and around my neck, plus a booster seat, so if I was unbalanced in any way, I would have toppled over. And I spend all day every day of my life, and especially on vacation, trying to keep this kid safe from peanuts and nuts when we eat outside the home. And then he keels over from bad cheese?

He continued to moan, flailing around in his seat for the next few minutes. The realization: this might be serious.

Did I really just poison my son?

I had been blasting Steve Earle’s Burnin’ it Down before that, visualizing Steve burning down a Wal Mart in a town pretty similar to the one I was driving through, but had to turn him off. Brett’s eyes were closing. He leaned over into the middle console. Should I stop and make him get out? Well, if I can make sure to hear his breathing, that works.

He fell asleep.

I listened to him breathe as I drove.

And all these horrible scenarios played out in my head about what would happen if he wasn’t ok. And what I would do.

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An ominous welcome home to VT

About 10 minutes from my house, along Vermont Route 30. The sky darkened and rain started hammering the windshield. Is this a sign? Should I have stayed on vacation?

We finally reached the house at around 9pm; I woke Brett and wrestled him out of the car. He perked back up within a few minutes. Whew, sigh of relief! I pushed through the front door, leaving the car doors open and all the bags still out on the driveway, and headed immediately to the refrigerator. Having been away for the past week, the fridge had been empty and sad, but I saw some eggs, and made us a few omelets. Brett was so hungry, he ate two of them, and since we were still on mountain time, we stayed up late snuggling, talking about our trip, and making up for lost time with the pets in the house who all needed a little care.

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Our home last week!

Aside from the drama on the way home, this has been an amazing week. As soon as school ended on the 13th, we took a day to pack, and then flew out to Montana, staying at Firehole Ranch, on Hebgen Lake, and visited Yellowstone National Park. My husband was there too; he stayed for a few extra days, so had to miss the dramatic drive home. In Montana, I had one day of fly fishing with an amazing guide and now feel like I finally could do this myself. We had no access to internet. Maybe one bar of cell service; enough to send a text in certain rooms of the house, or check email, but that’s about it. I’m feeling completely out of touch with everything.

With the News. With Facebook. With Twitter. With WordPress. With my Fitness friends.

With my exercise agenda. With foods. Oh, the foods from this week! I can’t even begin to tell you what we ate, and I tried to keep up on activity with walks and some exercises out on the cabin deck, but as my heart rate monitor would display at the end of the week, it was an “incomplete training week” at best.

This morning the jeans are tight. I’m still craving desserts and wine.

But I’m looking out the window now and it’s beautiful here in Vermont too.  I needed that break from civilization and media and devices. And I wouldn’t admit it before, but the break from fitness and schedules and balanced eating was kind of nice too.

It was a tiring and stressful journey yesterday to get here, and we are both still in a zombie-like state of mind, but we are both safe.

Maybe it is indeed good to be home.

For the next few days Brett and I will stay on mountain time, and gradually re-emerge from vacation-mode to home-mode in a more focused way, but not today, tomorrow sounds about right…