Tag Archives: Health

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Keeping our Classrooms Safe

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After hauling my groceries into the car, I’m ready for the hour-long drive back home, in time to pick my son up at school.

I double-check my phone.

Missed call. 802 area code. Shoot. Probably the school.

Why didn’t my phone ring?

It never does for some reason.

I check the message; it’s from the school nurse.

Big emergency:

Cake has been brought into the classroom.

Can Brett have any?

My heart starts pounding. And as I continue on my drive home, for the next half hour, my brain is spinning with possible scenarios that could happen as a result of the answer to this question.

What’s the problem, you may ask?

What’s wrong with cake? Kid eats treats at school all the time, right?

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids'll take it...

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids’ll take it…

No big deal.

But it is.

To the kid with a food allergy, when an unexpected ‘something’ is brought to school.

I continue driving. What to do. What to do.

And then finally stop at the first turn-around I see and call in to the school.

The nurse and I talk it over.

Will it be safe? Who baked it?

It’s probably ok. But what if it isn’t?

Is it worth it? Should he just opt out?

When he opts out, guess what?

Instead of learning at school, he’s upset in the nurses office.

He’s excluded, as always…

Sometimes I wonder if the questions I ask, the precautions I take, as a parent of a child with severe food allergies, are just a little too much..

Sometimes I see the eye-rolling, the impatience.

I’m clearly viewed as:

Helicopter mom.

Sometimes I think about the absurdity, having to plan every little detail of something so simple: something my child will put in his mouth. And eat. Like every other person in the world does every day.

Sometimes every hour.

Or every few hours.

Without a thought.

But then I open the news, and see for myself.

Not asking questions.

Not taking the time to double-check.

Not remembering the meds.

Not educating those around us of the issues facing life with a food allergy.

Sometimes results in this tragedy about a teen named Andrea. Or this one, involving a boy named Simon. Or this one, another teen, Morgan.

Every September, as kids get settled into the school year, deaths from anaphylaxis occur. These three have all happened in the past few weeks.

After the fact, we all scratch our heads and wonder.

Why didn’t they just ask what was in their food?

Where was the Epi-pen or Auvi-Q?

Why didn’t they just say no?

Their deaths?

Senseless

Preventable.

And this mom is reminded, in spite of the eye-rolling and name-calling by other parents.

There’s a reason we do what we do.

And for the questions we need to ask repeatedly.

If not, the consequences can be seen in the headlines.

To me, the answer lies solely with inclusion.

Kids do not want to stand out. They want to participate in school activities and events and not have to look different by asking 100 questions about their food or having attention drawn to the medication pack protruding from their waist.

If food wasn’t such a big deal, kids with food allergies wouldn’t be considered different at all.

And if food wasn’t such a big deal during the school day, parents of food allergic kids can put their anxieties away for the 7 or so hours they are in the hands of educators.

So I ask:

Why IS there so much extra food at school?

And how many times am I going to be asked this school year to decide on whether my child can participate. Let’s see….

14 kids x 14 birthdays.

Teachers birthday.

Halloween party. Thanksgiving Party, Xmas Party. Easter. End of School.

Let’s add 2 more random events…there always are a few!

That adds up to 22 potential opportunities for extra treats in school out of about 37 weeks, an average of about every other week.

We have a small classroom; try doing the math for your kids–I’ll bet it’s even more often.

Food allergic kids and parents like me will be asked to make to-eat-or-not-to-eat judgement calls like this or just have our children excluded from the celebration (the most likely choice) almost every other week of the school year. Providing a special “allergy-friendly” treat for these instances worked when my son was younger, but not anymore. It’s not about the food for my son, he doesn’t care. It’s about participating with the class; not being singled out.

And non-food allergic kids will just be given lots of extra food and sugar they don’t really need.

Every-other-week.

Really, I’m not trying to be a kill-joy. I love food too. And I love celebrating my child’s birthday.

But don’t you think every-other-week is kind of often?

Too often?

Food isn’t the only thing in life that’s fun.

There are alternate ways to celebrate.

It’s not just for the sake of food allergies, most of my friends aren’t exactly happy with the amount of extra, unplanned sugar and treats their non-allergic kids consume during the school day.

How about just taking a few extra minutes to think of alternatives, that can include everyone?

My son’s favorite: how about a few more minutes of recess as a treat? So much healthier; the kids enjoy it much more. And instead of kids returning from the celebration on a sugar-high (except for the food allergic child, who is just angry he had to opt out or have a dry allergy-friendly cookie instead), they come in from their extra few minutes of running around more focused and ready to learn.

If you are unsure this will work, or are drawing a blank on ideas, check out this link with some great alternative ideas for non-food treats and rewards.

Parents, teachers, think it over.

Fewer food treats: more active or non-food treats, you’ll have a safe classroom and healthier kids all-around.

Food allergic kids and parents like me won’t feel pressured to take risks, or be embarrassed or hesitant to ask questions, in fear of being thought of as one-of-those-helicopter parents.

All kids will be included.

There will be fewer allergic reactions.

And most of all, we can all focus on what our kids are learning during the day.

Not what they are eating.

How about you? Do you have ideas to share on minimizing extra foods in the classroom and focusing on non-food rewards? Would love to hear your stories, comments, experiences.

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Much more than a Sneeze Part 2

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Last night, at a routine family dinner, we started what I thought would be a routine conversation.

How was your day? My husband asked my son.

Well, it was my teacher’s birthday, and some of the kids brought in cookies and cake.

So you didn’t have any right?

Right. My son answers.

He gets up from the table and starts nervously tipping his chair back and forth, obviously irked.

Was it fun?  I asked. He had been talking about surprising his teacher for days; I knew he was looking forward to it.

Yeah, he said. But it’s really, really, really, really annoying. That I can never have anything.

I know I should be used to this.

But I’m not.

This initially surprised me, I have confidently assured family members, friends, teachers and other parents that Brett was OK with bringing his own food. Or saying, no thanks when a treat is offered.

But for the next half hour, no easy task, we try to calm him of the anxiety that he’ll have to live without, and be left out, for the rest of his life.

The conclusion? We all agreed:

We hate food allergies

And I was up at 2 a.m. unable to get back to sleep and get this conversation out of my head.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post called Much More than a Sneeze about my son’s allergy to peanuts to show what it’s like to live with this disability. Allergy is a common condition most of us equate with stuffiness and sneezes and annoyance but nothing too harmful for the majority of people. Food allergy is often more severe, can lead to anaphalaxis, and can be life-threatening. The two conditions sharing this same name, causes confusion and misunderstanding, and often a lack of empathy or patience from people who are not familiar with the differentiation.

If you read public comments from any news article on this topic, it won’t take you long to scroll down and see blatent anger directed towards people with food allergies.

Often people assume the person is making up the food allergy.

Or just wants special attention.

Or they find some way to blame the parent or affected child:

Being overly clean. Not feeding nuts as a baby. Feeding nuts as baby. Bottle feeding. Using a dishwasher. Too many pesticides. GMOs. Fast food. Living in the city. Living in the country. Genetics. 

The list of who and what to blame goes on and on. Because, when most adults today were kids, they never knew anyone with a food allergy. There’s a blatant distrust that the disability, invisible to others, even exists. So why should anyone accommodate?

As I think about Brett’s disillusionment at his grim reality, I realized too, as a parent who has lived in the world of food allergy for a decade:

I’m not used to it either.

Pretending the repeated exclusion doesn’t bother us is what we are expected to do.

But sometimes you get tired of keeping up the facade.

It’s a reality that food allergies are known to lower a parent’s quality of life. So you can imagine what it’s like for the child on a day-to-day basis. But we are expecting these kids to just deal-with-it. Put on a shiny-happy-face.

Brett is 10 now.

An age I’m told by other adults he should be more independent.

Yes, he can now speak up for himself at school when those treats come out.

Yes, he knows he can’t eat foods that come from other people’s kitchens. He knows how to read labels.

Yes, he knows eating out at restaurants is conditional, and must include playing 20 questions with the staff on food allergy matters.

But as a kid, he doesn’t want special attention; he just wants to fit in.

And instead is forced into getting singled out and excluded

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

At every single event where food is part of the equation.

Think about it.

How often is food not part of the equation in daily life?

Almost every day there’s a reason to celebrate something with food at school: holidays, birthday’s, seasons, graduations, finishing a big project.

At camps, kids need a snack or lunch. If you are just out for the day and need to stop for lunch at an unfamiliar restaurant, food allergic people, even if reassured of their safety, are asked to assume a fry cook knows to keep their food away from the PB&J sandwich station. Ethnic foods (with peanut oil) and roasted nuts permeate the air in airports, and while on a plane, people nearby are munching on these nuts and foods at all hours, and in enclosed spaces. We wonder, will the smell and dust in the air cause him to react? If we ask the person eating nuts politely to stop, will they yell at us? We really don’t want to bother anyone, but….

These situations represent normal everyday life for most, but stakes are high for that food allergic child or adult, or parent, if they are near an allergen.

As a parent, what am I supposed to say?

How would any of us feel if we were  told to act normal and stop worrying when in the same room as something that could cause us to stop breathing, land us in a hospital, or potentially take our life?

And also, I read the news and know the reality.

As kids get older, and more independent, it’s more complicated.

As we let go, because “we can’t let our kids live in a bubble” more mistakes happen.

If only we could keep him in a bubble...

If only we could keep him in a bubble…this one looks good.

And more photos of these sweet kids, who did not make it because they simply ate a cookie. Or ordered food at a restaurant they were told was safe for them, but it wasn’t, and they forgot their epi-pens, or the medication didn’t work, start floating around Facebook, and our hearts skip a beat.

Unless you follow food allergy news, you may not see these headlines; there have been many, too many, in the last six months.

So often when I mention food allergy struggles to friends or acquaintances, I’m told:

“you know, food allergy can be cured! I just read something about this on the web!”

Statements like this give me pause.

If it was possible to easily get rid of this allergy don’t you think we’d be doing something about it?

I’m guessing you have seen these bold headlines declaring there is now a CURE for Peanut Allergies too.

Although I wish this was really true, I’ll give you my take on it.

The LEAP study has received tons of press recently, with headlines proclaiming (contrary to what physicians have recommended over the last decade) peanut allergies will be cured if you feed peanuts to babies. But it’s really not so simple. The takeaway from the study is actually that physician-monitored dosing of peanut could prevent some peanut allergies from forming in at-risk babies. Note: Parents, do not try this at home!

This is amazing news, if they can reverse the food allergy trend, that’s monumental. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

But it doesn’t change anything for us.

The most promising news to me is research on a patch, that uses small amounts of peanut protein to desensitize the child to the allergen. If a solution like this became available, it could minimize risk when a person with a peanut allergy is accidentally exposed to the allergen. We learned just this month research on the Viaskin patch has been fast-tracked by the FDA.

But do know it’s not available today and it will be years before it’ll be a viable option for us.

And there’s one more headline making the rounds: In one study, probiotics, along with other oral immunotherapies over time shows “promise” in treating peanut allergies. But this is one study. And it’s very controlled. Feeding my child gallons of yogurt, is not going to do the trick.

Contrary to what the headlines promise, the game is not over.

There is still no cure for Peanut Allergies.

My friends and family are all pretty awesome in their willingness to listen to our food allergy struggles. I know the topic isn’t all that interesting to those who are not affected, so I try to minimize how often I bring it up.

I am writing this updated post for a reason though.

It’s that realization the comfort zone we have created to minimize risk over the last few years is ending, and with growth, there will be so many new challenges, it makes my head spin.

I wonder:

Will there be a cure before he has to leave his current, food allergy aware elementary school, and if not, will this new school help keep him safe?

Will there be a cure before he starts to go on school field trips? Will he ever be able to go on field trips? Or will he be left out, once again?

Will there be a cure before my son starts to date, what about kissing?

Will there be a cure before he goes to college, and has to live in a dorm?

Will there be a cure, and not just the empty promise of a BOLD headline, EVER?

Because until there is a real cure.

A cure that promises us the stakes of making a food allergy mistake are no longer high.

I’m hoping you’ll be patient with us.

We may live with it everyday,

But we never, really, get used to it.

Have you seen the latest headlines? Did you think this problem was solved? What challenges have you faced or conquered, growing up with a food allergy or helping to manage your child’s allergy? Or do you have tips on managing anxiety? Love to hear your thoughts!

Healthy Living

Who needs Life Balance Anyway?

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My Life as a Pie

My Life as a Pie

Life Balance.

We talk about it.

We read about it in our struggle to achieve it.

And we think about it

Way, way, way too much.

If anything in our life is off-balance.

We know it.

But if we achieve it? What would this really look like?

Would we suddenly wake up happy and fulfilled every day?

These are some questions I have been asking lately because guess what?

I think I’m there.

A few months ago I wrote about going back to work, and one of my biggest fears was that I’d be spread too thin. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything well.

Or Perfect.

And I’d just have to sit back and settle for “good enough”.

As I think back to my concerns then, and where I am now, I realize I was wise to worry, because that’s what my life is like today.

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion I had no idea what reaching life balance even meant!

Do you?

When you think about life balance, what is your definition? 

A few months ago, I thought of it as a product of splitting my time.

Of setting priorities on what’s important to me, and checking off the to-do list each week to make sure everything is accomplished.

And by that definition, I’m a glowing sucess!

This week for example:

  • Work- Conference call and marketing plans.
  • Parenting- Drove kid back and forth to school. We chatted. Took walks. Did homework.
  • Friends– had an awesome lunch with my friend, and morning walk with another.
  • Husband–date night this week!
  • Health/ Exercise- strength training for 25-30 min. each day and an ave. of 12m steps. Sleep- 7-8 hours most nights.
  • Writing? Well no…we’ll talk about that later…
  • Volunteering. taught Four Winds science session to my son’s class.
  • Reading? Tana French’s new novel. Lord of the Rings book 3 and the new Heroes of Olympus w/family.

Hmm, anything else?

Ah yes, there are family dinners with homemade meals. Dealing with a half-dozen+ household pets and decisions related to a bathroom remodel. Laundry, cleaning….

On the surface, I really have it all! People might think:

She works! She hangs with friends! She keeps fit! She is a parent. Part of a successful marriage! Volunteers! Keeps the household afloat!

Right?

Well. No. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

Here’s what I have noticed instead:

If you see me in passing and want to chat?

Huh? Who are you again, and where am I?

I’m Jittery. Unfocused. Forgetful. Dropping things. Second-guessing decisions I have made.

If someone asks how I am, I either have nothing to say because I can’t even formulate a state of being until I have settled down a bit more, or end up in a psycho-babble that ends in random, impossible-to-follow tangents.

Caught in the middle of a transition.

Just because I’m splitting my time evenly to fit everything into a perfect little life/balance pie, it doesn’t mean spiritually, mentally, I have the ability to keep up!

This particular issue has invaded my brain for the last few months, one of the reasons I had to take a little break from writing. I didn’t plan it. I have just been too confused as to how to solve the problem, I didn’t need one more project, a set writing goal, to stratify each day even more.

And I also just learned I haven’t been allowing myself any breathing room to come up with anything remotely creative…

A few weeks ago, my husband came home from a trip with a new book: The Organized Mind, by Daniel J. Levintin. He left it on the coffee table, I’m guessing with the hope I might read it and find a way to eliminate the piles of paper and clutter so we can have an organized house.

Instead, as I flip through various chapters, it’s helping me understand this so-called “balance” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Unknowingly, I had been defining my life-balance success in terms of my ability to multi-task.

By my ability to accomplish all the priorities on my smartphone to-do list with a nice little check at the end of each day.

And that’s not helping me much. Because inside, I don’t even remotely feel like a success.

According Levintin:

Multitasking is the enemy of a focused attentional system

he says:

We can’t truly think about or attend to all these things at once, so our brains flit from one to another, each time with a neurological switching cost. The system does not function well this way.

I have been loving the fact I have flexible hours for work, and do so from home. But I have not made clear boundaries between work and home. Even when I’m not working, I’m consistently checking email to make sure I am “there” if anyone needs me.

And when I’m working, I may flit back and forth between the plumber or electrician or decisions on the bathroom. And then my mom sends another email about decisions related to a trip in June, and now it’s time to put on the parent hat and pick up Brett from school…

Levinton also states:

It takes more energy to shift your attention from task to task. It takes less energy to focus. That means that people who organize their time in a way that allows them to focus are not only going to get more done, but they’ll be less tired and less neurochemically depleted after doing it.

Daydreaming also takes less energy than multi-tasking. And the natural intuitive see-saw between focusing and daydreaming helps to re calibrate and restore the brain.

Multi-tasking does not.

He quotes a professor at UC Irvine, Gloria Mark, who said:

Multitasking by definition disrupts the kind of sustained thought usually necessary for problem solving and for creativity.

She explains: Multi-tasking is bad for innovation. 10 1/2 minutes on one project is not enough time to think in-depth about anything. And that creative solutions often arise from allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming.

This is where the light bulb finally went off: finally a logical explanation for why it has taken me two months to write a single post!

By attending to too many different priorities, all at once, with no specific organization to my day, I’m wasting energy. I’m not allowing myself enough time to focus 100% on anything.

And by not “allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming”

My “neurological switching cost” or trade-off, has been:

Creativity

As you can imagine, I have some work to do, and will start by challenging myself to a few new goals over the next few weeks. They are:

  • Start each day by blocking out specific work hours and abide by them.
  • Check email and social media only at specific times so I’m not weaving in and out of completely different subjects, dividing my attention.
  • Unless it’s the school on the caller I.D., no answering the home phone during work hours.
  • Plan for time between transitions: Just that 20 minutes to veg out and listen to music, take a walk outside, or just do anything that clears my mind, before switching through my work/life balance wheel, to help keep the creativity alive. So by the time I do get there I can be: Present. And ready for what’s next. Instead of confused and disoriented.

This is going to be hard. Today’s work and social environment and the fact that texts and emails follow us wherever we go, make communication from all areas in our life tough to ignore.

And who knows where I’ll find space in my day for extra transition time.

But I’ll give it a whirl…

I don’t want to float through life going from pie slice-to -pie slice like clock-work, thinking this is what life-balance is all about.

If I’m not able to really enjoy where I am, or feel I’m even successful in my ability to participate, who needs balance anyway?

Do you find you have so many competing priorities swerving in and out of focus each day?

Do you have tips that help you transition through your work/life balance wheel?

Would love to hear your thoughts and stories, as you can see, I’m a work in progress!

Healthy Living

Back to School Transition isn’t just for Kids

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“Brett, starting Monday, we are going to work on getting back on your school year sleep schedule.”

I mentioned to my son last night at dinner.

“So do you mean I can’t read at night?”

“No, you can still read” I replied, “you can read, just until maybe 10.

If we wait until the first day of school to practice waking early, you’ll be miserable.”

A boy and his book...

A boy and his book…

We came home a little over a week ago, from visiting his Grandma in California.

And while you would think we would be well-accustomed to the Eastern time zone by now, it just hasn’t happened. He found two book series (Seven Wonders, (thanks to Mary for the recommendation) and the The Secrets of the Immortal Nicolas Flammel) he can’t seem to put either down. We have had to visit the Northshire Bookstore every few days this week, in search of the next book, and then the next.

What’s happening?

While we think he is going to bed around 10 pm, in reality, he has been falling asleep at 1am (light still on, book next to him), and waking around 11 the next day.

Curbing the enthusiasm of a boy who loves to read isn’t something a parent really likes to do.

And actually, since I work best in the morning, I kind of like that quiet time to get work for my job done.

No complaints of “I’m hungry”. Or “what if’s”. Or “Mom look!” every 5 minutes.

Just quiet.

This doesn’t get me a mother-of-the-year award, since deep down I love this schedule. Have actually encouraged it.

It’s really a win/win, since by the time he wakes, I’m almost done with work and ready to play.

I kept thinking, we’ll just right ourselves a week before school starts.

And so here we are, a week before school starts.

Yikes, how did that happen so fast?!

Back at the table, Brett gets visibly anxious about what’s in store for him next week.

He questions us about how early exactly he’ll need to wake up.

How much reading he’ll be able to get in.

How much time he’ll be able to play outside.

How he’ll have to go back to strict time limits on Minecraft.

And then finally, goes back to a heated debate from last year about not-enough-recess time in a school day, and how it’s

JUST. NOT. FAIR!

“You know Brett, it’s not just you who has to make changes. It’s me too”.

“I have to start waking at 6 am, to make your lunch and get you ready for the day. It has been awhile since I have done that.

And I have to go to bed earlier.

Sleep has been an issue for me lately–getting enough. So I’m a little stressed about that.”

He paused.

“I didn’t know that Mom.”

The discussion dwindles to a silence as he goes back to his dinner.

It’s kind of odd, we always think about late August/early September as the start of the school calendar, and a fresh start for kids. And January is the start for the rest of us, you know, for those New Years resolutions and goals and re-evaluating all the parts of our lives we wish to make better.

Kids don’t realize it.

And sometimes we forget it too.

The start of the school calendar is a big change for us as parents. It requires a lot of transition on our end, and can be an important time for new beginnings.

All summer, I put off promises to myself, thinking once Brett goes back to school, I’ll have more time to focus. I can’t possibly think about anything on the peripheral while:

Working.

Dealing with different camp schedules.

Traveling.

Setting up playdates.

And when we have an unscheduled week at home? It’s the two of us, not just me. I want the summer to be fun. And meaningful.

Collecting a few Chanterelle Mushrooms this week in the National Forest.

Collecting a few Chanterelle Mushrooms this week in the National Forest.

We want to be outside playing in the river.

Taking hikes and looking for insects or berries or mushrooms or creatures..

Going to museums.

Working in the garden.

I don’t want him to do chores and errands with me all day.

While I know boring stuff is a part of life he should be exposed to this somewhat, I’d like to keep it to a minimum as these activities aren’t meaningful or enriching experiences for either of us.

Brett & Me: Best Portrait from this summer...

Brett & Me: Best Portrait from this summer…at the Exploratorium in CA

I look at my to-do list and see things like:

Bring car into shop for checkup

Make sure all Doctors appointments are up-to-date and if not, call for appointments

Make sure pets aren’t due for the Vet.

Make hair-cut appointment

Start multiple home-repair projects

and then something long, long overdue:

Get together with long-lost friends I haven’t seen since early June.

Wouldn’t that be nice!

Yup, I’m waiting until August 27th. I’ll get it all done!

There are other promises I have told myself I’d deal with once school starts. They are not chores really, just personal-focus type goals that tend to slide during the summer months on the nutrition and exercise front.

After a few years of thinking about this, I know this is going to happen. None of it is unexpected, I even wrote about my lack-of-structure a few months ago, and how I’m ok with it,

Our favorite find this year: Gray Tree Frog Gilbert (named after the Familiars book series)

Our favorite find this year: Gray Tree Frog Gilbert (named after the Familiars book series)

But it’s still tough to get back in sync when the time comes.

I read it takes 21 days to build a habit–but it takes that long to lose it too, and I have definitely developed some bad ones, and lost some good ones over the last two months.

So, once school starts, I need to:

Get a handle on SLEEP (why am I waking so much every night?)

Get a handle on nutrition & quantity control (it’s not intuitive for me, that’s for sure!)

Be more focused with work by setting structured work times and work space in the house.

Blog? What blog? This summer, one post a month? I’d like to do better.

Exercise has been status quo–how can I challenge myself?

This morning, cool fall air streams through the open windows, as my husband and I pour ourselves that first cup of coffee and sit down to start the wake-up routine.  He looks out the window and sees the wind whipping through the trees.

“No, please no wind! I need some sun too.”

Out came the iPad to check the weather.

“This fall” he tells me, “I need to get going on writing and taking photos.”

So, it’s not just me.

With all the travel he has had for work these last few months, there’s a big project that needs some attention on his end too,

And he’s hoping to restart today by chasing down a Mayfly hatch or two, and hooking a few trout to photograph–something that hasn’t been so easy lately on our little back-yard river.

If the wind dies down. And the sun comes out, of course.

Let’s hope for his sake, it does.

 

The start of the school year, it’s not just a new start for the kids.

 

How does your life  and schedule get put on hold during the summer months?

What promises have you made for yourself starting this fall?

If you haven’t made any new goals, it’s a great time to start!

 

Hope you all have a great start to the new season!

.

Healthy Living

The Myth of the Health Outlier

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scene from vacation

I open the attic storage area door and weasel my way through the crawlspace.

On my knees and reaching over boxes of clothing and piles of luggage, I see the suitcase I’m looking for and attempt to heave it out into the bedroom without knocking my head on the ceiling, or jutting my foot through the insulation on the floor.

As I pull the suitcase out of the attic, it flies open and a few papers float down towards my feet.

What a cute little ribbon at the top, what is this?

I pick up the papers, and memories start to flow as it all registers.

Keepsakes from our trip to Montana last year.

Exactly one year ago.

These were our dinner menus, outlining every fabulous, decadent morsel of food we indulged in each night.menuranch 6-24-2014 9-39-16 AM

Oh, I wish I was there!

We are actually staying closer to home for vacation this year, driving instead of flying, and the reason I went to the attic in the first place was because I need to start packing, we are leaving soon!

I sit down on my bed with the menus, trying to picture myself there today.

That trip to Montana brings back amazing memories.

And the food, a definite highlight.

Last year, I threw food worries to the wind, you know, because it was vacation.

And tried to combat the decadent meals with lots of morning walks and some exercises on the deck of our cabin.

Once home, I definitely had trouble getting back to realistic eating habits, and learning how to right-size portions.

I most definitely gained weight.

I was stressed out at the time, and remember writing about it.

Hoping I could right this wrong within a few weeks.

But what I have learned since last year, is there were no wrongs.

It would be unrealistic to ignore delicious foods like this all week.

It would be unrealistic to not expect a little weight gain on vacation.

It would be unrealistic and unhealthy to starve myself when I return home, to quickly lose the weight.

And I shouldn’t get mad at myself.

Because this is Normal. This is living a good, happy, balanced life. This is to be expected.

Once home, back on routine, when I’m patient.

Those jeans will be comfortable again.

Do you find your weight changes seasonally?

My weight tends to go up a bit in the summer, when my routine is interrupted with vacations and travel, and there are so many amazing seasonal foods and farmer’s markets to attend.

And in the summer, I like more freedom, less structure in my workout routine.

And then I usually get more lean when it gets a little chillier and I enjoy the challenge of working out indoors.

It sounds like my normal might be backwards compared to many, who tend to gain weight in the winter months with all the comfort foods, and cold weather.

When I realized this was the case a few months ago, that weight fluctuates up and down seasonally and that it’s not the end of the world, I stopped getting mad at myself. Stopped striving for perfection all year long.

And just this tiny change in expectation and acceptance, has made a world of difference in how I see myself, and judge my success while maintaining my health long-term.

Now that I’m feeling super-comfortable in my skin.

Cutting myself some slack.

Understanding my personal rhythms.

I read something super-frustrating.

Maybe you saw it? There was a study posted this month by the CBC entitled: Obesity research confirms long-term weight loss almost impossible.

The report basically says, barring a few exceptions, we will all gain weight. And if we try to lose it, we’ll just gain it back again.

It’s pretty much inevitable.

Only about 5% of people can “maintain” their weight loss.

Here’s an excerpt:

For psychologist Traci Mann, who has spent 20 years running an eating lab at the University of Minnesota, the evidence is clear. “It couldn’t be easier to see,” she says. “Long-term weight loss happens to only the smallest minority of people.”

We all think we know someone in that rare group. They become the legends — the friend of a friend, the brother-in-law, the neighbour — the ones who really did it.

But if we check back after five or 10 years, there’s a good chance they will have put the weight back on. Only about five per cent of people who try to lose weight ultimately succeed, according to the research. Those people are the outliers, but we cling to their stories as proof that losing weight is possible.

This also states that doctors don’t want this news to get out to the general public because people will stop trying:

Health experts are also afraid people will abandon all efforts to exercise and eat a nutritious diet — behaviour that is important for health and longevity — even if it doesn’t result in much weight loss.

Traci Mann says the emphasis should be on measuring health, not weight. “You should still eat right, you should still exercise, doing healthy stuff is still healthy,” she said. “It just doesn’t make you thin.”

As you can imagine, from my experience over the last few years, learning to maintain my weight loss after pregnancy, learning to accept myself, and navigate all the different life variables thrown at me each day, as well as the mental baggage that comes with trying to make sense of it all.

I read this report and learn my happily fluctuating weight approach, the one helping me stay sane and normal might put me in the failure category.

I don’t blame doctors for not wanting it publicized they think 95% of us are failures. If they are going to allow this information out, they should have given us all better details on what constitutes success, and good health. Not just a flashy headline, ensuring a great number of people will give up trying.

Every adult I know has made attempts to lose weight at some point in their life.

Men and Women.

I see success around me, every day. and it’s not that I live in a colony of outliers, as they describe this 5% who succeed, it’s because the definition of success and failure is not as black and white as they describe.

What defines success in this study?

Do we have to stay within a certain weight range? And for how long? Or do we have to stay on one number forever?

What if someone loses 50 lbs but then gains 10 back? Is she a failure, because she gained some back? Or a success because she maintained this for 10 years?

I have gained 8 pounds in the last 2 years but still fit into the same clothing, This is due to weight lifting–am I part of the 5% who is a healthy size or one of the 95% who can’t sustain weight loss?

What if you gain weight, maybe that same 10 pounds, going up and down periodically but are still considered healthy by your doctor? Are you a failure because you can’t sustain weight loss?

Scales fluctuate all the time, sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly…no wonder this report says it’s impossible to succeed!

I’m not going to listen to the headlines.

Whatever we do to keep ourselves active is good for our heart. Our bodies. Our flexibility. Our minds. Our disposition. Our energy-level.

And the food we eat? We lead social lives and sometimes, like on vacation, we shouldn’t have to worry about some number on the scale staying the same, all day, every day.

Much of the time, yes?

But all the time? I don’t see how this is possible.

If someone is told to lose weight for their health, any amount of loss achieved is worth it. Even if they might gain a little back here and there because there is more to life, and more to good health, than that fluctuating number.

And there is much more wiggle room than the headlines reveal.

Anyone who strives to keep their health top-of-mind, can be labelled a success.

It’s not a myth. It’s not impossible.

Unless defined in a short-sited way.

On that note,  it’s time for me to get back to that suitcase and let the packing begin.

The Montana menus will go in a scrapbook for now; I’ll have to trade them in for fried clams down on the beach next week instead. And perhaps leave the jeans at home in lieu of more roomy skirts…

Let the summer begin!

How do you handle the balance of fun foods and staying healthy during vacation? Do you find your weight fluctuates seasonally too? What do you think about this study on long-term weight loss, is it impossible? What strategies do you use to keep yourself in check throughout the year?

Would love to hear your ideas and discussion….and happy summer!

Healthy Living

Is Good Health Intuitive?

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keeping track and keeping active...

keeping track and staying active…

Did you know as we get older we need fewer and fewer calories?

And if we don’t adjust either our activity level or our calories consumed, over time, we will just automatically gain fat?

It’s a sad truth I found as I was researching one of those depressing topics I like to think about all the time:

What to expect as we get older.

But who in their right mind wants to keep track of this stuff?

When you are already at a healthy size, friends and coworkers and family like to tell you that you don’t need to pay attention.

Have a chocolate bar, or eight!

And maybe a bag of chips and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s or two, you could use it!

You really can skip a few workouts, why do you care so much? You look great already!

Food is so fun, and such a part of our social culture. If you keep track of how much you eat, have a philosophy about the types of foods you will consume, and try to maximize how much you move around, you might just be accused of being obsessive.

You might get labelled a kill-joy.

Or be accused of having an eating-disorder, an exercise-addiction or both, and just need to relax! I have heard these lines from others often:

We should be able to maintain how we are today by just listening to our bodies.

We didn’t need computers or gadgets or apps to tell us how to live before, or to add up numbers, why do we need them now?

Keeping track for life? That’s no way to live!

We all want to believe this is true, don’t we? That our metabolism now, is what it’ll be 10 years from now, or 20, or 30…and we can constantly just say yes to foods we love, and maybe later to exercise, because our bodies just know intuitively what we need to stay healthy.

When I first learned there were websites available to help us track foods and exercise, I never thought I would take to the process.

The whole truth on an online food journal

The whole truth on an online food journal

I remember as a teen, in solidarity with my mom, who was on and off Weight Watchers for years, I would sometimes write down what I ate in a notebook, because when you see it down on paper, supposedly this helps you see how much you have already eaten that day, and question whether you really need more.

But now, with online food journals and apps, you don’t just see McDonald’s Big Mac as a line item, you see McDonald’s Big Mac, 550 calories. 20g of Fat. 9g of Sugar (what? why?!), and 970mg of sodium (!!).

Numbers, so much more powerful!

Over the years, I have developed a complicated history with numbers. I am really great with them actually, but never knew about my analytic side until plopped in front of a Mac Classic and Microsoft Excel on the first week of work after college graduation and told to populate a database.

Overwhelmed at first, I eventually realized yes, you can actually be creative with spreadsheets! And so eventually became a marketing whiz, a queen of slicing and dicing data every which way, and more importantly, learned the art of fudging numbers, to make them say what you want them to say, even if they really don’t.

So when I tried an online food journal?

Skepticism was short-lived. As soon as I got my hands around the numbers, my wildly-creative analytic side took over. As if looking at client sales figures, I happily started summarizing nutrition and calories and exercise data every which way.

It was an empowering feeling.

For awhile. Until, that is, the numbers caused more confusion than clarity:

What happens when my weight fluctuates up?

Or if  the food journal shows a big red negative and I’m consuming too much.

Or if I just can’t seem to eat enough protein, when a recent article I read tells me I need more?

Or if I’m eating too much sugar one week. Or sodium?!

Or what if I’m tired and need to take it easy on exercise.

Or even more confusing, when I lift weights or do yoga, but don’t burn very many calories, am I still considered active? How do I account for this?

Sometimes no matter how I try, I can’t seem to fudge the numbers to work in my favor.

And they are the opposite of helpful: they drive me crazy! I start to obsess over every bite or step I take, wondering what I’m doing wrong and how I can fix it.

It’s times like these that make me ripe to start listening to those people who tell me: it’s just fine, you don’t need to be so disciplined! We don’t need numbers. Take the summer off. Or the winter.

Or forever!

You should be able to balance it all out intuitively.

We are advised by our doctors, and by the government, with their recommended food pyramid (although we could all debate at length whether we agree with it or not), how much on average we should consume at our age, height and weight, what those foods should consist of, and how much activity we require each day. And there are U.S. dietary health guidelines too: we are encouraged to read food labels, look at calorie counts, and keep nutrients in check.

activity2-001

a particularly active day–so motivating to see the numbers!

This brings to mind so many questions:

If we don’t need numbers, and we never keep track, how in the world can we know how this adds up each day?

Could I be an active couch potato? Someone who thinks I’m active because I work out daily, but in reality, I’m sedentary the rest of the time?

If we never look it up, how will we know the difference between the nutritional value of a Big Mac vs. making one at home? Or having chicken instead?

I have often thought about the fact we humans are more in tune to the needs of our pets than we are for ourselves. Would you not take your dog for a walk each day? Would you feed your dog 3 helpings of food instead of the recommended 1? Would you give your dog a food that wasn’t nutritionally good for him?

I don’t think so! Because the vet tells you when your pet is overweight, it’s tough on their heart, and they won’t live as long.

If you didn’t pay attention to their requirements, it would be considered neglect.

But how many of us will say we just don’t have time to exercise, or to take a walk? When we know we require it. And it’s good for us.

And how many of us say we only have time for take-out food, or eating on the run? When we know it’s healthier to make our meals at home.

And unlike our pets, most of us don’t measure our food, so honestly have no clue what we are eating each day, so may have false illusions around how much we have already had, and so say yes to the unplanned cookies or birthday cake passed around at the office that day.

I have been on this healthy lifestyle kick for about 5 years and have resisted listening to others for 4 of them.

But then last summer, I got sick of paying attention. I was bored with adding everything up, and tired of that obsessive feeling I got when the numbers didn’t reflect back what I wanted to see.

I felt great, and began to rethink the advice I was getting from others. Perhaps they are right and it’s time to test it out. I’ll just:

Listen to my body

Eschew the numbers….

And guess how I felt at the end of the year?

I have a fitness buddy, who once frustratingly declared:

 If I listened to my body, I would be sitting on the couch, drinking beer and eating cheeseburgers and fries all day!

This cracks me up, because I learned this to be true in my no-numbers experiment: the farther removed I was from keeping track, and with understanding portion control, the more out-of-whack my reality on what I was actually consuming became.

Does my body really give me signals, telling me what I need?

Can I trust intuition alone to balance the good with the bad?

Look at the news, and the obesity crisis. It doesn’t appear to me we humans have this natural talent. Maybe primitive man did, because back then they didn’t have access to fast food and restaurants and sugary snacks that cause them to want more, more, more.  They also were forced to expend energy during the hunt for their meal. But us? Not so. Food is everywhere we want it to be, and more.

During my no-track experiment, before I knew it, even though the foods I chose to eat were still healthy ones, those fist-sized portions eventually morphed into foot-sized ones.

And when did I take a walk last?

Was it yesterday or the day before?

Oh shoot, I had a project to do, and I barely stood up from my desk all week, how did this happen?

When I took that time off, I did feel more liberated.

I did have more fun. At first.

But then after awhile I felt like I had lost control. When the numbers are in front of you, you have visibility to make better choices.

Choices to stop eating. But also choices to say, hey, I have been great for the last week, the numbers say so! I’m going to Chanticleer tonight and ordering the full Matterhorn for dessert, not the mini!

And if things do go wrong, those jeans get too tight, or if at my yearly physical my Doctor tells me my iron or calcium or cholesterol levels aren’t where they need to be, or if I have less energy and don’t know why? The numbers will help pinpoint where I might need to make changes.

That to me, is even more liberating.

So you can see, since I’m defending numbers that have a history of driving me crazy in the past, this year I have started letting them seep back into my life.

But I’m trying to be smart about it.

And not too militant.

I still don’t use a scale, or measurements of any kind more than once or twice a year, because fluctuating numbers cause me a lot of angst. I’m going to stick with the as-long-as-clothing-fits-all-is-well philosophy.

I’m back to using a food diary to make sure I’m on track.

I haven’t returned to my crazy nutrient spreadsheet to see percentage trends on protein, carbs, fat, sugar, sodium, etc. But the numbers are there for me to see whenever I need a reality-check.

I mentioned in my last post, I find exercise numbers extremely motivating and last month decided to add one more health gadget into my life. I already track my workouts with a heart rate monitor, but added an activity tracker that I’m absolutely in love with. It helps ensure I’m not an active couch potato because it measures non-formal activity, like yoga, or gardening or cleaning, or light hikes that do keep me on my feet, but the metrics are invisible to me otherwise.

If the numbers show I’m too sedentary one day? I get off my rear and right the situation. For instance, last night after a heavy dinner, I saw I hadn’t been as active that day and suggested to my family we take a walk by the river. Without those numbers, I might have settled in on the couch and not moved for the rest of the night instead.

Right now I’m liking this gradual return to the numbers that help, and motivate.

It’s not a sexy or fun task, by any means, but more of a utility providing a realistic gauge on how well I’m managing my health.

Something very important to me.

I don’t know if I’ll still be counting when I’m 70 or 80 or 90 (I shudder to think!)

But right now, this alternative sure beats my questionable intuition.

What do you think? Do you pay attention to health numbers? Do they drive you crazy sometimes too? Do you do a good job intuitively keeping your health in check?

Healthy Living

Where Food Labels Fall Short

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WP_20140401_002-001I was just minding my own business Friday, working through my many goals for the day.

A few conference calls and some data-geek excel work in the morning when I look up at the clock and realize I didn’t have much time left before having to get my son from school.

Better get that workout in and take a quick shower.

As I was getting changed, the phone rang. I glance at the caller I.D.

The school.

My heart does a little leap. It’s after lunch.

I don’t like calls from the school around lunch time.

Most of you probably wouldn’t be spooked by this. But if you have a kid with a food allergy, this isn’t what you want to see.

It is Mandy, the school nurse and she immediately says Brett is fine. She thinks. But she explained he had started coughing and wheezing, to the point where it was definitely not normal. His teacher brought him down to see her immediately.

He’s allergic to nuts, could this be a reaction?

Most parents would think, so what? He’s coughing, right? Maybe it’s seasonal allergies, or dust in the air or from the heaters. Wheezing? Ok, he does that every once in a while but not often. We talk about what he had for lunch: basically all foods we eat every day at home, hummus, homemade tortilla, apple, and a few chips. I packed the lunch.

Were the chips a new bag?

Could any of it have been contaminated with nuts?

Not that we know of, but honestly, who knows?

Those Kettle Brand chips. The website says there are no nuts in the facility. But there’s no allergen information on the package.

The Pita Crisps say Contains Wheat. But there isn’t any more information about production on the label. On the website, it says under the FAQ’s there are no nuts in the facility.

hmm? guess I need to call...

hmm? guess I need to call…there are no nuts in the facility, under the FAQ’s.

I have been using King Arthur Flour and contacted them a few years back and they said their facility was free of peanuts. But their package and website? I can’t find any information.

He’s eaten these foods hundreds of times.

I spend sometimes hours of each week reading food nutrition labels to ensure I only purchase safe foods, with no possibility of cross-contamination to nuts.

Sometimes the foods are labelled. Sometimes they aren’t.

When the information is not clearly on the label, I check the company website, or send an email to customer service and hope the person at the receiving end of my inquiry has accurate information about the possibly of cross-contamination of the allergen in question.

And you hope the second after you call the company, they don’t move production facilities.

Or have some guy in the warehouse decide to move the product to a new facility with nuts flying around everywhere.

You have to trust what they tell you is the truth.

so it contains wheat but what else is in the facility? need to call.

so it contains wheat but what else is in the facility? need to call or check website

That day I highly doubted he ate any nuts.

Brett usually sneezes when he smells nuts, he doesn’t cough. Then again, one of the most annoying aspects of a nut allergy is that you can’t predict the same results from one reaction to another–they always change.

But when it’s not in writing, on the back of the box or bag, I start to second guess myself:

When was the last time I checked the

love that there is no sugar, but no allergen or facility info at all. Requires research.

love that there is no sugar, but no allergen or facility info at all. Requires research.

website?

Where is that email I received, I know I sent it awhile back…

What if something changed and I didn’t know about it?

What if I poisoned my son?

But if you are wrong and you do nothing, not administering an epi-pen can be a life-threatening decision.

We ultimately decided I’d bring in his inhaler, ASAP.

I hang up the phone, drop my workout gear, grab his inhaler, and drive straight to the school.

By the time I arrive about 10 minutes later, he was calm.

Oh, hey mom!

In the time it took for me to drive to the school, Mandy said she and Brett talked through what would happen if he wasn’t feeling better in the next minute or two. How she would use the epi-pen, and how he would have to sit calmly for 10 seconds with the needle in his leg.

She said he was calm, and understood what he needed to do.

And it was kind of like an emergency dry run.

So maybe some good came of the situation?

We were pretty sure at that point he was ok, so he left and went back to the class a few minutes later.

While we sat staring at each other for a moment, in relief.

This whole food allergy thing, it’s frustrating.

Sometimes you have to make judgement calls. It’s not a black and white situation.

As I think about Friday’s events in hindsight, I wonder how to minimize confusion for the next time this happens.

And the answer lies right there on the Food Labels.

Wouldn’t it have been great if I could have said to Mandy, there is absolutely ZERO chance there was cross-contamination in the food he was eating? If he indeed was in a room with no nuts and other kids who weren’t eating nuts, we would know this was indeed Asthma and an inhaler would do the trick.

The worry over an epi-pen would never have come to question.

I’m sure some other food allergy parents might say, well, you should just err on the side of caution and administer it anyway. But here’s the thing: if you administer it, you need to get an ambulance and bring him to the hospital to be monitored. If we know food allergy is not in question 100%, that sounds traumatizing to everyone: for Brett, for me, for Mandy, for the other teachers and students. And it’s also not necessary.

So let’s talk about the food label.

perfect! why can't they all be like this?

perfect! why can’t they all be like this?

Did you know it’s not mandatory to put “made in a facility with xxxxx (top allergens)” on the label? It’s voluntary.

And it’s not mandatory to include “made on the same equipment as xxx (allergen)” either . It’s voluntary.

But when foods have been tested for allergens, they found a definite cross contamination risk in foods that do not list the allergen in the ingredients, but are produced alongside or on the same lines as the allergen in question.

Why is this wording not mandatory?

I’m guessing you all heard about Michelle Obama unveiling proposed changes to packaged food labels. It has been in the news everywhere over the last few weeks.

I actually love what she is doing.

I really appreciate that calories are going to be emphasized.

That serving sizes are going to be right-sized.

And that sugar/added sugar is being highlighted, because I do look at that.

I also think adding a line listing the amount of Vitamin D will be helpful because where I live, everyone needs to maximize Vitamin D.

But what disappointed me when I read about the proposed changes?

WP_20140401_001

excellent!

There was no mention of fixing the allergen labeling.

I wonder, after reading last fall about Malia Obama’s peanut allergy, who gets this fun job at the White House of having to read labels, check websites, and determine what is safe for Malia.

Knowing first-hand how tough this is, you just wonder why they didn’t take this opportunity to make changes.

What is their protocol?

Certain brands, usually the more expensive, all natural brands, include these warning labels. And I’m so thankful to them (yes you, Mary’s Gone Crackers, Enjoy Life, Lucy’s, Dr. Kracker). But most of what you see in the grocery store is not clearly labelled. It may tell part of the story, but not typically the full one.  So it involves a call from a parent or the allergic-person to learn the full story of the products production cycle.

And when you have to rely on a person at the end of the customer service phone for life and death information, it’s not very reassuring.

And as I mentioned earlier, what if their current practices change tomorrow?

Why is clear allergen labeling not a priority?

As I was reading about the proposed new nutrition labels, an article in the Atlantic states, according to FDA’s Health and Diet Surveys,

The number of people who “often” read the nutrition label the first time they buy food increased from 44 percent in 2002 to 54 percent in 2008.

And that’s awesome–I’m glad more people are getting smart about reading the nutrition labels, but who knows if those reading it will actually change their behavior because of it. If someone picks up a box of twinkies do you really think they care how much sugar is in it? As much as you hope so, I think these changes will just be preaching to the choir, great for people like me who are used to reading them and who are already health conscious.

And perhaps those who hear about the proposed changes to the label in the media recently will be curious to take a look.

But when chain restaurants started putting calorie counts on their menus, it sounds like not too many people really paid attention to them. If you walk into McDonald’s in the first place, do you care about calorie counts and nutrition? At least for that particular meal, probably not. At other chain restaurants, effectiveness will vary because people have varying degrees of concern over the foods they eat, or how much they will listen to advice.

But here’s the thing. If you are highly-allergic to something,

100% of the people will be reading the label; their life depends on it.

So how about making it mandatory to add clear allergen information on the labels?

So there isn’t so much uncertainty.

This will help ease the anxiety of 100% of food allergic folks, and food allergy parents.

And school nurses and teachers and caregivers and friends and relatives.

When a person with a food allergy coughs, we don’t have to worry about traumatizing kids and parents and teachers with unnecessary talk of needles and ambulances. or life or death decisions.

Because we know for a fact, by looking at the label, there is no worry of cross-contamination.

We will know, a cough is just a cough.

A few puffs of an inhaler will do the trick.

Let’s have a Nutrition label that keeps all of us safe.

From added sugar.

From too many calories.

From unrealistic portion sizes.

It’s all important.

But how about keeping us safe from allergens too.

By enforcing companies to put it all in writing on the label.

What do you think of the Food Nutrition Label. Does it suit your needs? Is there anything you feel is missing? Would love to hear your thoughts. 

Healthy Living, Motivation

School Vacation Routine for Parents

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WP_20140220_038-001I went about planning this vacation all wrong.

I assumed just because it was my son’s school vacation, it was mine too.

We originally planned to meet my mother in Arizona during February break, but I had a talk with Brett a few weeks ago, when I would have had to purchase the tickets, and he said he’d rather stay home.

Winter airline travel is no picnic, and it’s expensive. I also know how much Brett likes to be home, and treasures days he does not have to rush out the door, so I said I didn’t mind. We can stay home and relax.

I had visions of day trips to nearby museums. Enjoying time outside in the snow…

But our story most likely resembles yours. It has snowed almost every day and temperatures until yesterday have been frigid. The roads have been a slippery mess and driving has been unsafe.

Nearby museums require at least an hour drive, more like two, on small windy roads.

So we have been house-bound for most of the week. And while my tolerance for enduring cold is decent, Brett’s, no matter how beautiful the snow, isn’t as robust.

If I could include a soundtrack to our most picture-perfect outdoor activities, you would hear:

ahh, the happy photo...but then...see below:

the happy photo, but then:

“Mom, my snowshoe keeps falling off”

“Mom, I put my hand in the river and now my glove is too wet”

“Mom, when do you think you want to go inside?”

He does try. But as a parent, it helps when you are both excited about an activity, not always having to force it. My patience for playing the part of the cheer-leader for our party-of-two, is wearing thin.

So while having to make the best of Plan B each day this week, at least the evenings have been fun. Like so many others, as soon as the child hits the sheets, the husband and I have been greedily binge-watching Season 2 of

it fell off again??!

it fell off again??! Can we go inside?

House of Cards.

Sometimes we’ll watch two, sometimes 3 each night.

I can stay up late, right? I don’t have to get up early, it’s vacation week!

Just like everything else I planned during this vacation so far, it sounded good in theory, but in reality?

Not what I envisioned.

Brett’s internal clock is about as accurate as the atomic clock, as he has been waking up before 7 each morning, as if for school, and because it’s abnormal for me not to be up before him, he heads straight up to our room looking for us.

This is great for my husband, because he should be up by now anyway, getting ready for work.

But me? I need a little more sleep.

I have been cranky and uninspired. And taking it out on Brett.

It took me until Thursday morning of this week, to finally remember a rule I set for myself last year, and adhere to every school day. But I forgot, I need to stick with the rule on vacation days too.

Whenever I see topics in the news about school vacations, it’s always about the big issues. Like: what do parents do with kids over vacation when they have to go to work? Or about how expensive it is to actually travel during vacation. You also hear about how kids are off routine on vacations, and then have a tough time transitioning when it’s time to go back. Sometimes there are debates about whether we should have so many school vacations at all.

But what isn’t often covered?  I’ll break the silence as so many parents are hesitant to admit they are struggling.

When kids are on vacation, how does this affect us?

The parents.

Not just with scrambling the work/daycare/camp logistics, but how do we, as parents, stay sane when our routine is compromised?

Yes, we all know we need basic requirements, like food, air, clothing, electricity, shower, etc.

But there are other important needs we all have too.  Here’s what I know about myself as I start each day:

I need time to myself.

I need a strong cup of Peet’s coffee or two.

I like to read the news and do a little writing to wake up my brain.

If someone interrupts me, or tries to ask me questions before I’m suitably ready to receive outside input: I’m impatient. I snap at them. I’m defensive.

If I start the day like this, usually my motivation and creativity that day are compromised.

So, that rule I mentioned earlier, the one I set for myself on regular school days?

It’s that I force myself to wake up at 6 am, before everyone else. I have this time to myself, to think, to write, to wake up, before waking Brett at 6:40.

When he sees me? Shiny, happy, mom.

This vacation week? I should have known better than to think I could stay up late and sleep in. It just doesn’t happen, and that’s why I haven’t really been at my best.

I have a few other non-morning, non-parental requirements that will cause me angst, and you won’t want to be around me if they are compromised including:

45 minutes to an hour of exercise

Time to talk with my husband (or at least watch a mindless show or two with him), uninterrupted each night

15-20 minutes of reading time.

And that’s it, I don’t ask for much. But at least have these needs identified, and am telling the world.

We spend so much time pleasing friends and kids and spouses, and learning what makes them tick.

But it’s so important to stop and take time to identify what you need.

What makes you happy?

What makes you irritable, or stressed?

How can you organize your day so you have the best chance of having a good one?

And remember, once you identify them, try not to take a vacation from them, unless you want to learn once again, like I did, how necessary they really are.

Last night, my husband was bummed because I declined one night of House of Cards and went to bed early. This morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and had my coffee in peace.

And managed to get a few words written.

And was happy to see Brett when he woke up early.

This post is a little shorter than most, but you’ll have to forgive me,

I’ll adhere to my routine for the rest of the week, but my kid is still on February break, and it’s not snowing.

We may actually make it out of the house today…

.

I hope if your kids are on break this week or next, this will be a reminder to you to look out for yourself.

Do you have other suggestions on how to stay sane while home with kids on vacation? Or if not with kids, how you deal with lack of routine on vacations and breaks in general?

Healthy Living, Motivation

My Year in Writing: 7 Lessons Learned

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winterriver

A year ago this week, on a snowy morning, similar to today, I nervously hit the “publish” button for the first time and shared my first blog post.

I had been writing for a few years, but my readers were a select, extremely supportive group of like-minded folks who were into talking about health. That to me was safe; everyone was always encouraging.

But opening up to people I do know? What would that be like? You have to think:

What do I want people to know about me?

How personal should I get?

What if people hate my writing?

Or disagree with me?

Or think I’m weird because the subjects I bring up like health, exercise, foods, parenting and self-image, are often unsettling.

Or what if they just don’t care at all?

But last year I was on this goal-oriented kick. I wanted to do something more challenging. And scary. My father died a few years ago, and I missed hearing his ever-reasonable advice. And so thinking about the one phrase he used to throw at me all my life, I decided writing and sharing my ideas, struggles and insecurities with friends, neighbors and family members, would be character-building. And I should just do it.

So here I am, a year later, wondering:

how the heck do you even measure character?

I’ll elaborate instead on what I think I have learned from the year, and we’ll circle back to that later…

Learning #1: Writing identifies concerns; keeps them top of mind. Sharing holds me accountable.

Are you the kind of person who loves a good challenge? Who tackles big problems head-on?

My husband is a bit like that. He’ll buy every book or relentlessly search the web until he finds answers and then develops a plan of attack.

Unfortunately, that’s not me. I’m an avoider of problems. If I identify one, I’ll think about it for a few minutes and then promptly put it out of my mind for another day. And often that day never comes.

But when you write it down, it’s different.

My biggest concerns seem to be ones that have no answer. They involve a constant balance. Thinking and re-thinking. And the recipe for success isn’t always apparent. Sometimes you think you find an answer, and then it changes on you.

How do I stay healthy over time? What if I’m bored with exercise and don’t want to do it. What if my kid is driving me nuts?What about adding back a career, how will I do this without losing myself in the process? How do I not gain weight on vacation when I want to eat everything in sight? How can I be there for my child when he needs me? How can I be happy with myself, and how I look, as I age?

See? All tough questions. But if I look back on a post where I made public resolutions. Or if my sister-in-law calls and asks about my latest fitness slump. Or if my friend stops me in the school parking lot and mentions she’s going through the same issue about too much sugar and too little activity with kids, and let’s talk. It all helps keep me on plan, and holds me accountable.

Learning #2: My motivation for fitness appears to be seasonal.

I make room for formal exercise each day, but there’s a big difference between being excited about it, and just going through the motions. As I look back throughout the past year, I can see a trend vividly in my writing. Every spring and fall, because I’d rather be outside, doing what I love best: hiking, taking photos, foraging for mushrooms, hanging around in the river and just enjoying the scenery, I start to resent strength training.

I did some research on exercise and seasonality and learned that athletes have on-seasons and off-seasons, as well as different expectations about their fitness level during each season: they have an in-training weight, and an off-season weight. And this varies sometimes by 5-15 lbs!

My take-away? I need to think like an athlete and just go with the rhythm of what I want do each season, and not worry that I’ll be losing a little strength. Going outside gives me a mental break, and that’s important And, like an athlete, I’ll just pick it up the tougher workouts again during an official training time.

I wouldn’t have identified this issue at all if I hadn’t written about it.  I know this will be tough, to adopt a new mindset, but am grateful I was able to at least identify the problem and work to resolve it as I think about the upcoming spring season. Alleviating the angst will be welcome!

Learning #3: Parenting challenges often intersect with my own, and help me grow as a result.  

I was hesitant to write about parenting concerns because I thought they were off-topic. But what I realize now is that we can’t be one-dimensional. No man or woman is. We can’t just think about work. Or health. Or our kids, in silos.

They all intersect and our needs are stronger at different times of the year, to deal with the challenges of all of them. I have found often when I work out parenting-issues I end up drawing conclusions on my own concerns in the process.

For example:

When I was struck by Brett’s sugar problem in school, it made me re-think my own foods and the activity I get throughout the day. His peanut allergy keeps us reading labels and although is a terrible problem to have, it has helped us choose healthier foods in the process. Brett’s inability to sit still and his solution, helped me find one of my own when I realized I had been sitting too much.

I could go on and on about this one! We adults, we are just big kids, and have similar concerns. It took writing about them to see this more clearly.

Learning #4: I have inspired my family. Maybe some friends too…

I’m sure a few of you have tried to have conversations with a spouse or other family member about eating well. Or starting to exercise. But nobody will ever make the effort until they determine it’s a priority for themselves.

I know this to be the case because I was like this. And I have attempted to encourage others who are not remotely interested. I have since learned my lesson and will not even discuss health topics unless they bring it up first.

Instead, I have been leading by example, building a fitness habit and thinking critically about every food that makes it into our kitchen. It has taken awhile, but my husband is fully on-board. I think his positive-health check and encouragement from his doctor a few weeks ago really helped too. It’s almost like a race now, he’s started the year in full force: making time to workout most days, even if he only has a few minutes. The biggest surprise has been his pro-active research on super-foods, and introducing them into our kitchen.

Using what I have learned in Spark, by John Ratey,  and Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, I have been talking to my son about the importance of moving and exercise and spending time outside. These conversations, and reinforcement on the same subject in his health class in school is helping him pro-actively seek movement when he needs it and he is having fewer focus problems in school.

As for friends, I hope the topics discussed here have helped inspire you in some way too!

Learning #5: Personal stories are best, and sharing gets easier over time

As a writer, I’m a reader, and a consumer of many different types of media, from news, articles, other blogs, magazines and books.

There are way too many articles I click open, and the message falls flat. As a reader, I’m not engaged. Someone is speaking at me, giving advice, but they aren’t actually with me. They don’t seem to get it.

I hope whatever I write is something others can relate to, and have found the more personal my stories are, the more personal and amazing the discussions surrounding the topic. 

Once another blogger friend mentioned she gets lots of comments like “great post!” or “nice!”. While any feedback is great, I am so thankful I’m generally blown away by some of the responses, details and sharing I get from readers, and thank each and everyone of you for adding to the discussion. As much as I like telling stories, I love hearing yours too, and your experiences, solutions and the open dialog can help all of us.

Now, I don’t hesitate as much before I press that publish button. I have learned, you never know who your writing will touch, so you might as well just say it!

Learning #6: The community I have met through writing has been essential.

I had no idea when I started writing how many amazing people I would meet.

And that these people, some in other countries, some who I have never met in person, but talk at length to about similar concerns, have been essential to my life.

I learned a few years ago health is a touchy subject. Most people don’t like to talk about it, so I would keep concerns to myself. Finding a community of awesome folks like Maggie and Marlene, and Chris and Tina, Jess and Lara, and Carolyn, Angie and Tienne, oh my this is getting long, but I could go on and on and on….

They have all been essential to my thought-process, and a pleasure to know.

I’m excited in year 2 to build more of a community and add to the experience.

Learning #7: Good Health is an enabler.

Health is not something I want to think about all day long.

One of my biggest challenges with exercise has been determining that point where I can get the most, best overall fitness in the least amount of time.

And of course I want to eat well, but not too much. And we all love foods that aren’t great for us. Where do splurges fit in?

As much as people like to think staying healthy is intuitive, I don’t think it is. As we get older, our bodies do slow down. We need to adjust what we eat and how much activity we get. That in itself is easier said than done, bench-marking what we need appears to be a moving target!

Good mental health helps too. How can I be a good parent if I’m not happy with myself? If I am not participating in activities I enjoy? Or setting new goals or challenges for myself?

For once, I am not avoiding the hard topics that have no answer.

I’m writing about them. And keeping them top of mind.

And hope to set up a good system so I don’t have to think about it so much, and I can move on to just living life.

I have said many times to myself when I need a pep talk:

Good health is not a given; it’s a choice. And my choice.

Good health will enable me to fulfill all my other goals and dreams.

In my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Yes, I’m planning to get there, and to be independent like many of the other awesome women in my family.

After all that, what do you think, did writing help me build a little character this year?

So wish my dad was still here to live it with me, as he was one of my biggest health inspirations.

Perhaps I can’t measure it accurately, but I do think he’d say yes.

Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. What do you do to keep health top of mind? If you don’t write, do you have a creative outlet that helps you stay focused?  

Thanks again for your year of support,  reading and sharing!