Tag Archives: Motivation

Healthy Living

Who needs Life Balance Anyway?

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My Life as a Pie

My Life as a Pie

Life Balance.

We talk about it.

We read about it in our struggle to achieve it.

And we think about it

Way, way, way too much.

If anything in our life is off-balance.

We know it.

But if we achieve it? What would this really look like?

Would we suddenly wake up happy and fulfilled every day?

These are some questions I have been asking lately because guess what?

I think I’m there.

A few months ago I wrote about going back to work, and one of my biggest fears was that I’d be spread too thin. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything well.

Or Perfect.

And I’d just have to sit back and settle for “good enough”.

As I think back to my concerns then, and where I am now, I realize I was wise to worry, because that’s what my life is like today.

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion I had no idea what reaching life balance even meant!

Do you?

When you think about life balance, what is your definition? 

A few months ago, I thought of it as a product of splitting my time.

Of setting priorities on what’s important to me, and checking off the to-do list each week to make sure everything is accomplished.

And by that definition, I’m a glowing sucess!

This week for example:

  • Work- Conference call and marketing plans.
  • Parenting- Drove kid back and forth to school. We chatted. Took walks. Did homework.
  • Friends– had an awesome lunch with my friend, and morning walk with another.
  • Husband–date night this week!
  • Health/ Exercise- strength training for 25-30 min. each day and an ave. of 12m steps. Sleep- 7-8 hours most nights.
  • Writing? Well no…we’ll talk about that later…
  • Volunteering. taught Four Winds science session to my son’s class.
  • Reading? Tana French’s new novel. Lord of the Rings book 3 and the new Heroes of Olympus w/family.

Hmm, anything else?

Ah yes, there are family dinners with homemade meals. Dealing with a half-dozen+ household pets and decisions related to a bathroom remodel. Laundry, cleaning….

On the surface, I really have it all! People might think:

She works! She hangs with friends! She keeps fit! She is a parent. Part of a successful marriage! Volunteers! Keeps the household afloat!

Right?

Well. No. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

Here’s what I have noticed instead:

If you see me in passing and want to chat?

Huh? Who are you again, and where am I?

I’m Jittery. Unfocused. Forgetful. Dropping things. Second-guessing decisions I have made.

If someone asks how I am, I either have nothing to say because I can’t even formulate a state of being until I have settled down a bit more, or end up in a psycho-babble that ends in random, impossible-to-follow tangents.

Caught in the middle of a transition.

Just because I’m splitting my time evenly to fit everything into a perfect little life/balance pie, it doesn’t mean spiritually, mentally, I have the ability to keep up!

This particular issue has invaded my brain for the last few months, one of the reasons I had to take a little break from writing. I didn’t plan it. I have just been too confused as to how to solve the problem, I didn’t need one more project, a set writing goal, to stratify each day even more.

And I also just learned I haven’t been allowing myself any breathing room to come up with anything remotely creative…

A few weeks ago, my husband came home from a trip with a new book: The Organized Mind, by Daniel J. Levintin. He left it on the coffee table, I’m guessing with the hope I might read it and find a way to eliminate the piles of paper and clutter so we can have an organized house.

Instead, as I flip through various chapters, it’s helping me understand this so-called “balance” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Unknowingly, I had been defining my life-balance success in terms of my ability to multi-task.

By my ability to accomplish all the priorities on my smartphone to-do list with a nice little check at the end of each day.

And that’s not helping me much. Because inside, I don’t even remotely feel like a success.

According Levintin:

Multitasking is the enemy of a focused attentional system

he says:

We can’t truly think about or attend to all these things at once, so our brains flit from one to another, each time with a neurological switching cost. The system does not function well this way.

I have been loving the fact I have flexible hours for work, and do so from home. But I have not made clear boundaries between work and home. Even when I’m not working, I’m consistently checking email to make sure I am “there” if anyone needs me.

And when I’m working, I may flit back and forth between the plumber or electrician or decisions on the bathroom. And then my mom sends another email about decisions related to a trip in June, and now it’s time to put on the parent hat and pick up Brett from school…

Levinton also states:

It takes more energy to shift your attention from task to task. It takes less energy to focus. That means that people who organize their time in a way that allows them to focus are not only going to get more done, but they’ll be less tired and less neurochemically depleted after doing it.

Daydreaming also takes less energy than multi-tasking. And the natural intuitive see-saw between focusing and daydreaming helps to re calibrate and restore the brain.

Multi-tasking does not.

He quotes a professor at UC Irvine, Gloria Mark, who said:

Multitasking by definition disrupts the kind of sustained thought usually necessary for problem solving and for creativity.

She explains: Multi-tasking is bad for innovation. 10 1/2 minutes on one project is not enough time to think in-depth about anything. And that creative solutions often arise from allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming.

This is where the light bulb finally went off: finally a logical explanation for why it has taken me two months to write a single post!

By attending to too many different priorities, all at once, with no specific organization to my day, I’m wasting energy. I’m not allowing myself enough time to focus 100% on anything.

And by not “allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming”

My “neurological switching cost” or trade-off, has been:

Creativity

As you can imagine, I have some work to do, and will start by challenging myself to a few new goals over the next few weeks. They are:

  • Start each day by blocking out specific work hours and abide by them.
  • Check email and social media only at specific times so I’m not weaving in and out of completely different subjects, dividing my attention.
  • Unless it’s the school on the caller I.D., no answering the home phone during work hours.
  • Plan for time between transitions: Just that 20 minutes to veg out and listen to music, take a walk outside, or just do anything that clears my mind, before switching through my work/life balance wheel, to help keep the creativity alive. So by the time I do get there I can be: Present. And ready for what’s next. Instead of confused and disoriented.

This is going to be hard. Today’s work and social environment and the fact that texts and emails follow us wherever we go, make communication from all areas in our life tough to ignore.

And who knows where I’ll find space in my day for extra transition time.

But I’ll give it a whirl…

I don’t want to float through life going from pie slice-to -pie slice like clock-work, thinking this is what life-balance is all about.

If I’m not able to really enjoy where I am, or feel I’m even successful in my ability to participate, who needs balance anyway?

Do you find you have so many competing priorities swerving in and out of focus each day?

Do you have tips that help you transition through your work/life balance wheel?

Would love to hear your thoughts and stories, as you can see, I’m a work in progress!

Healthy Living

The Myth of the Health Outlier

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scene from vacation

I open the attic storage area door and weasel my way through the crawlspace.

On my knees and reaching over boxes of clothing and piles of luggage, I see the suitcase I’m looking for and attempt to heave it out into the bedroom without knocking my head on the ceiling, or jutting my foot through the insulation on the floor.

As I pull the suitcase out of the attic, it flies open and a few papers float down towards my feet.

What a cute little ribbon at the top, what is this?

I pick up the papers, and memories start to flow as it all registers.

Keepsakes from our trip to Montana last year.

Exactly one year ago.

These were our dinner menus, outlining every fabulous, decadent morsel of food we indulged in each night.menuranch 6-24-2014 9-39-16 AM

Oh, I wish I was there!

We are actually staying closer to home for vacation this year, driving instead of flying, and the reason I went to the attic in the first place was because I need to start packing, we are leaving soon!

I sit down on my bed with the menus, trying to picture myself there today.

That trip to Montana brings back amazing memories.

And the food, a definite highlight.

Last year, I threw food worries to the wind, you know, because it was vacation.

And tried to combat the decadent meals with lots of morning walks and some exercises on the deck of our cabin.

Once home, I definitely had trouble getting back to realistic eating habits, and learning how to right-size portions.

I most definitely gained weight.

I was stressed out at the time, and remember writing about it.

Hoping I could right this wrong within a few weeks.

But what I have learned since last year, is there were no wrongs.

It would be unrealistic to ignore delicious foods like this all week.

It would be unrealistic to not expect a little weight gain on vacation.

It would be unrealistic and unhealthy to starve myself when I return home, to quickly lose the weight.

And I shouldn’t get mad at myself.

Because this is Normal. This is living a good, happy, balanced life. This is to be expected.

Once home, back on routine, when I’m patient.

Those jeans will be comfortable again.

Do you find your weight changes seasonally?

My weight tends to go up a bit in the summer, when my routine is interrupted with vacations and travel, and there are so many amazing seasonal foods and farmer’s markets to attend.

And in the summer, I like more freedom, less structure in my workout routine.

And then I usually get more lean when it gets a little chillier and I enjoy the challenge of working out indoors.

It sounds like my normal might be backwards compared to many, who tend to gain weight in the winter months with all the comfort foods, and cold weather.

When I realized this was the case a few months ago, that weight fluctuates up and down seasonally and that it’s not the end of the world, I stopped getting mad at myself. Stopped striving for perfection all year long.

And just this tiny change in expectation and acceptance, has made a world of difference in how I see myself, and judge my success while maintaining my health long-term.

Now that I’m feeling super-comfortable in my skin.

Cutting myself some slack.

Understanding my personal rhythms.

I read something super-frustrating.

Maybe you saw it? There was a study posted this month by the CBC entitled: Obesity research confirms long-term weight loss almost impossible.

The report basically says, barring a few exceptions, we will all gain weight. And if we try to lose it, we’ll just gain it back again.

It’s pretty much inevitable.

Only about 5% of people can “maintain” their weight loss.

Here’s an excerpt:

For psychologist Traci Mann, who has spent 20 years running an eating lab at the University of Minnesota, the evidence is clear. “It couldn’t be easier to see,” she says. “Long-term weight loss happens to only the smallest minority of people.”

We all think we know someone in that rare group. They become the legends — the friend of a friend, the brother-in-law, the neighbour — the ones who really did it.

But if we check back after five or 10 years, there’s a good chance they will have put the weight back on. Only about five per cent of people who try to lose weight ultimately succeed, according to the research. Those people are the outliers, but we cling to their stories as proof that losing weight is possible.

This also states that doctors don’t want this news to get out to the general public because people will stop trying:

Health experts are also afraid people will abandon all efforts to exercise and eat a nutritious diet — behaviour that is important for health and longevity — even if it doesn’t result in much weight loss.

Traci Mann says the emphasis should be on measuring health, not weight. “You should still eat right, you should still exercise, doing healthy stuff is still healthy,” she said. “It just doesn’t make you thin.”

As you can imagine, from my experience over the last few years, learning to maintain my weight loss after pregnancy, learning to accept myself, and navigate all the different life variables thrown at me each day, as well as the mental baggage that comes with trying to make sense of it all.

I read this report and learn my happily fluctuating weight approach, the one helping me stay sane and normal might put me in the failure category.

I don’t blame doctors for not wanting it publicized they think 95% of us are failures. If they are going to allow this information out, they should have given us all better details on what constitutes success, and good health. Not just a flashy headline, ensuring a great number of people will give up trying.

Every adult I know has made attempts to lose weight at some point in their life.

Men and Women.

I see success around me, every day. and it’s not that I live in a colony of outliers, as they describe this 5% who succeed, it’s because the definition of success and failure is not as black and white as they describe.

What defines success in this study?

Do we have to stay within a certain weight range? And for how long? Or do we have to stay on one number forever?

What if someone loses 50 lbs but then gains 10 back? Is she a failure, because she gained some back? Or a success because she maintained this for 10 years?

I have gained 8 pounds in the last 2 years but still fit into the same clothing, This is due to weight lifting–am I part of the 5% who is a healthy size or one of the 95% who can’t sustain weight loss?

What if you gain weight, maybe that same 10 pounds, going up and down periodically but are still considered healthy by your doctor? Are you a failure because you can’t sustain weight loss?

Scales fluctuate all the time, sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly…no wonder this report says it’s impossible to succeed!

I’m not going to listen to the headlines.

Whatever we do to keep ourselves active is good for our heart. Our bodies. Our flexibility. Our minds. Our disposition. Our energy-level.

And the food we eat? We lead social lives and sometimes, like on vacation, we shouldn’t have to worry about some number on the scale staying the same, all day, every day.

Much of the time, yes?

But all the time? I don’t see how this is possible.

If someone is told to lose weight for their health, any amount of loss achieved is worth it. Even if they might gain a little back here and there because there is more to life, and more to good health, than that fluctuating number.

And there is much more wiggle room than the headlines reveal.

Anyone who strives to keep their health top-of-mind, can be labelled a success.

It’s not a myth. It’s not impossible.

Unless defined in a short-sited way.

On that note,  it’s time for me to get back to that suitcase and let the packing begin.

The Montana menus will go in a scrapbook for now; I’ll have to trade them in for fried clams down on the beach next week instead. And perhaps leave the jeans at home in lieu of more roomy skirts…

Let the summer begin!

How do you handle the balance of fun foods and staying healthy during vacation? Do you find your weight fluctuates seasonally too? What do you think about this study on long-term weight loss, is it impossible? What strategies do you use to keep yourself in check throughout the year?

Would love to hear your ideas and discussion….and happy summer!

Motivation, Uncategorized

Mourning the end of a Chapter

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Last week, I was driving along VT Route 30 towards my house, like I do multiple times every day.

One would think I was engrossed in whatever informative topic was on Vermont Edition that day, as loud voices were blaring through the stereo speakers. I’d bet you could hear it clearly from outside the car.

The sound reached my ears; but not one detail seemed to register.

Instead my mind was preoccupied with a jumble of incoherent thoughts. When at one point, out of nowhere, I snapped. Tears welled up in my eyes, and streamed down my cheeks, as they are now while I write this post, remembering the exact moment in the car when the meaning of those jumbled thoughts finally came to light.

the road to realization...

the road to realization…

I had started to reminisce in my mind about my current life, like it was already gone.

Why I did this?

It all stemmed from a decision made a few weeks ago.

A decision I thought was an easy, no-brainer, positive decision, because it is something I’m excited about, and ready for:

To go back to work part-time.

But what struck me while I was driving just then is that:

One very important chapter in my life ended: The stay-at-home mom years

And another chapter has just begun…

I thought I was a strong person; this weird feeling I couldn’t seem to shake last week took me by surprise because my whole life has been all about change. I have moved multiple times, held many jobs. Met so many different people. I thought I was the queen of coping strategies. Always just fine in the end.

But what’s clear to me now?

Transitions are hard for all of us, at any age.

I don’t recall ever thinking about my life as a book. And each major change, a chapter.

But that day in the car, thoughts moved from the excitement of starting a new challenge, to the fact that this chunk of time I had home with my son, fully dedicated to him, is now over.

And I’m a bit in mourning.

These past few years were certainly not perfect.  It was hard actually. There are so many good things about being there for your kids all the time. But for someone like me, who had always been career-minded, in control, and aware of my strengths, parenting full-time has this sneaky way of zapping any level of confidence you ever thought you had.

Strangely enough, while I never thought about my own life in chapters,  I have always looked at my mother’s life this way, and that has given me hope throughout my stay-at-home years, because she has gone through many reinventions. I have watched her morph before my eyes from a stay-at-home mom, to a student going back to get her MBA, and then to a computer sales-woman in the early 80s, selling beastly-large systems in a mostly male-dominated industry. She owned a retail business when we lived in the Newport RI area, and then became a whiz in the technology field in Silicon Valley. And just last month, she retired, and who knows what the next chapter will bring for her, no doubt there will be more.

Whenever I felt down about my worth, or productivity, or satisfaction at this stage of my life, as a woman, home with her child, reflecting back on my mom’s evolution through the years taught me:

Life today is not what it’ll be forever.

There’s still a long way to go.

Perhaps finally having the ability to visualize these chapters for myself is a sign of aging long enough to see when life patterns emerge, and also, visualize them in hindsight.

I started writing last year, because I love communicating with all of you on challenging topics, and this has been an amazing creative outlet, and has also helped combat the lack-of-positive feedback I sometimes feel when parenting, or managing the household. Making the commitment to write has also been instrumental in gearing me up for schedules and deadlines again, because I knew the day would come soon, where I would want to baby-step back into a career.

And so when I was offered this new opportunity, one I know will allow me to use some now-dormant talents but on a part-time schedule, I barely hesitated to sign that contract. I am ready to get those brain muscles working again, restore confidence I once had, but most importantly, make these positive changes without abandoning the much more balanced life I have now, or my hands-on parenting style in the process.

Is that too much to ask? I’m not sure…

This decision to return to work part-time will be a good one in the long run. It’s just a little bittersweet.

I have to think more about prioritizing everything that’s important; this will be the hardest part.

I’m scared as I think about my life now, and how it has evolved over the last few years. I hardly recognize the old me, the full-time career mom. I was so out-of-balance then, only concerned with my son and work. Today, my world has expanded. Along with family obligations and career aspirations, I have hobbies, I have likes and dislikes, and non-work issues that are so important to me.

I now also know it’s essential to look after myself; a priority that wasn’t even on my radar back then.

Regressing back is not an option.

As a perfectionist, with the desire to be great at everything I do. I worry, with one more priority in the mix:

What if I can never be great at anything…will I need to settle for just being good?

I want to be a great, present mom. One who is patient, and actively participates in activities.

a recent selfie of my buddy and me...

a recent selfie of my buddy and me…

I want to be a committed spouse, who is not just one/half of a parenting tag-team, we need to be supportive to each other as individuals, and as a couple.

I need to continue taking care of myself. You better believe I won’t be slacking off with exercise, or eating well.

I love to write, think about health, and motivate others. Will I still have the time?

and now…

I have to figure out how to do great in my new job.

Sounds like I’ll need to make some amendments to those goals I set earlier this year,  take inventory as I go, and decide what stays, what might go, and where I need to manage my time more efficiently.

Those watercolor classes I took last month were so fun, but I’ll have to hold off for now.

Perhaps I won’t learn Spanish this year.

Maybe my blog posts will be shorter and less frequent. I hope not, but it’s an option.

What about volunteering at the school? That’s so important too.

Will have to see how it all goes…

I was talking to my friend Tienne at Silverleaf Journal about this new challenge a few weeks ago, when she alerted me to the fact that I’m going to be living the dream of most women.

Really? I had no idea.

According to a Pew Research poll, most working mothers today wish they could work part-time.

But sadly, 74%  of moms who work outside the home hold full-time jobs instead; only 26%  are able to get their wish and work part-time, because the opportunities are just not there for them.

So I will consider myself lucky.

While I may still be in mourning over the abrupt end of the most significant chapter of my life so far.

And deep in thought about the changes I need to make.

I’m hopeful I can make it all work.

I’ll still strive to be great at whatever I choose to focus on; not just good.

As I turn the page and begin this next new chapter…

How do you handle your work life balance? Do you work full-time, part-time?

Or are you at home, but seeking something more? What options do you think are ideal?

Here is some additional research on work/life/mom balance I found useful, you might too:

http://www.workingmother.com/research-institute/what-moms-choose-working-mother-report

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/

http://cognoscenti.wbur.org/2013/04/02/lean-in-carey-goldberg

Healthy Living, Uncategorized

Lessons from my son: Fidget more, Sit Less

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SONY DSC

I’m consistently awed by the wisdom I have gained from my child. And this past week, I can add more of that to the list, where his instincts were on target to solve one of my problems, while my preconceived ideas fell short.

From the moment Brett pulled himself up for the first time at the age of one, he was on the move. He has many amazing qualities, but his inability to sit still?  That is not one of them.

Or so I thought.

SONY DSC

just like Brett on his ball…1-2-3, 4-2,3-6-0, 2 1/2, 0

We were first alerted to his fidgety tendencies in Pre-k. He was constantly swaying into people’s space. Not quite able to keep in that single file line. And always a bit out of step in the circle. He reminded me a bit of Tacky the Penguin, have you ever read that book? Unlike all his penguin friends, Tacky marched to his own drum.

Brett is in third grade now, and has definitely improved. My theory is he spends all the energy he can muster during the school day trying to do the right thing, but once home, he is all over the place.

At mealtime, it’s always a challenge.

We have an open living room, dining room setup. And so when it’s time for us to sit down to eat, he’ll show up for a bite, then he’s gone the next, launching himself off the couch or scooting across the room. A few years ago I bought him a product called a disc-o-sit (nicknamed the wiggle cushion) hoping this might keep him in his chair so he could at least move and sit at the same time, and it did help for a few years until it was replaced by something even more fabulous in his eyes.

When Brett was about 6, My brother Greg visited. At the time, he recommended I learn to use an exercise ball. Inspired, I went out and purchased my own big red stability ball. But once Greg left, I didn’t really know what to do with it, and it seemed too big for me.  It promptly went downstairs out of sight, out of mind.

A few months later, I purchased a new exercise program and received a blue stability ball as a bonus.

Oh great I thought, just what we need, two stability balls taking up space downstairs!

The blue one was smaller than the red one, and Brett took one look, one jump on this thing, and the two were inseparable. Until that is, a week later he happened to bounce on the ball while holding a bamboo skewer, pointed down. In a matter of seconds, the blue ball was no more…

Brett was horrified; he ran downstairs, found the underutilized big red ball, that was actually a little smaller now, deflated from inactivity. And this has been his savior ever since, and a permanent fixture in our living room. He rolls the red ball to the table, next to his chair, while eating. He bounces or lays on it, or sways back and forth. He’ll stretch forward or hang backward. He bounces while watching movies, just hanging out talking and while listening at family read time before he goes to bed.

When friends and family come to visit, they think this is odd.

a little balancing practice...

a little balancing practice…

Why is he not able to sit in his chair?

At meals, kids should sit. When you are reading together, kids should sit and listen.

When watching a movie, shouldn’t he be sitting on a couch?

Why do you let him do this?

You must be pushover parents…

Brett and his intense need to move around and fidget are on my mind this week, as I try to solve a similar problem of my own.

Newly-inspired by the goals I set a few weeks ago, I’m finding in reality, a few of my goals cancel each other out. Here’s the dilemma: I just don’t know how to live an active lifestyle if I’m on my rear-end writing. Or learning to paint. Or learning a new language.

When I sit for long periods of time, I think about Brett and his need to move.  This must be how he feels every day: restless, uncomfortable, trapped. I feel if I sit for as long as I need to write something, or research, or study, I’ll grow roots! My legs and rear-end begin to numb. I can feel my thighs expand, soften, as I sink further and further into that chair…

Thinking it through this week, I realize there are two separate issues to address:

1) I need to maximize time spent off the chair, ensuring I’m getting the extra movement I need to balance out those big blocks of inactivity.

2) And I need to see if there are workstation options that may help me not feel so awful when I do sit down for long periods of time.

I started my search for answers, realizing immediately there’s no shortage of media coverage on the topic of sitting. I learned through many sources that sitting too much makes you die sooner, and that it is also considered by some as “the new smoking.”

Then I saw an article in the Daily Beast that actually got me thinking about combating issue #1. The article recommends people incorporate a variety of squats at random times throughout the day. For example, instead of sitting around on the couch watching commercials during a TV show, get up and squat. Or take a 10 minute break at work, to get in a few more. And perhaps while waiting for a train, you might try a few more. In no time, taking advantage of these breaks can add up to a substantial amount of activity.

There is one part of the article I don’t agree with, and that is the assumption these movements can replace formal exercise: for me, that wouldn’t work. But the wheels started spinning, and I began to experiment. Not just with squats, but with lunges, and stretches and balance moves…

Here were a few places I started to add activity:

  • Lunge or Squat while folding laundry
  • Plie squat and hold while blow drying my hair
  • Random kicks while standing around thinking. That one worked well except for the time when I clipped my dog in the jaw –oops! Note to self for next time? Watch for family members before trying…
  • One legged balance poses and wall squats.
  • Squat while emptying the dishwasher.
  • Squats in the kitchen while waiting for my pan to heat up.
  • And of course, lots of static and ballistic stretches while standing.

Awesome, this will work! Now onto issue #2, assessing my workstation…

As I researched different chair and desk options, I came across the term Active Sitting.

According to Wikipedia:

Active sitting occurs when seating allows or encourages the seated occupant to move. Also referred to as dynamic sitting, the concept is that flexibility and movement while sitting can be beneficial to the human body and make some seated tasks easier to perform.

I found a variety of chairs designed for active sitters, how does one even choose? But then I came across this article in the New York Times , and had to laugh that the possible answer could be staring me right in the face.

I looked up from the computer, scanned the room until I located it off in the corner. The big red ball.

I walked over, rolled it back to my computer and was about to take a seat to test it out by my computer.

Brett caught me in the act.

Are you going to sit on my ball?

Embarrassed, I said no. Pushed the ball back over to him, and took my regular seat in the dining room chair.

I thought about the old wiggle-cushion. And the red ball. And how we used to try so hard to make Brett sit in his chair until finally giving in because we just didn’t want to fight it anymore. How is it that my kid knew he need to move, or fidget, to restore his active/sitting balance throughout the day, and was drawn to Active Sitting all along.  He found his answer instinctively, where we adults have to research at length to find the answer from supposed experts.

Adults have been making fidgety, active kids feel bad for not being able to conform to the right way, the expected way of sitting properly, when repeated evidence shows the right,  proper and expected  way, over time, is really very wrong.

Get a load of this quote I found about fidgeters, also from Wikipedia:

Fidgeting is considered a nervous habit, though it does have some underlying benefits. People who fidget regularly tend to weigh less than people who do not fidget because they burn more calories than those who remain still. It has been reported that fidgeting burns around an extra 350 calories a day.

I don’t know anyone who would mind burning 350 additional calories just by some extra movement, do you?

Perhaps it’ll look funny for all of us to be moving, lunging, squatting, standing, kicking, fidgeting, and balancing all around the house, but I think it’s a good plan to set in motion, starting now.

My son has proved to me yet again, his instincts are spot-on.

And we will once again become a household with two big stability balls floating around the living room.

Only this time we’ll know what to do with them!

How do you combat inactivity throughout the day? Are you a fidgeter? Or too sedentary? What types of lessons have you learned from your children?

I’d love to hear your comments, thoughts and please share this post. Once you are done with that, get up, stretch, and 10 Squats please!

Healthy Living, Uncategorized

My Year-end Health Report Card

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It’s really great that I set doctors appointments a year in advance, because it means I won’t forget to call and make appointments.

But then, a year later, I am horrified when these appointments pop up unexpectedly on my Outlook calendar at the most aggravating times.

For some reason, all of them seem to come in a big wave at the end of the year.

And it causes me a lot of anxiety.

When I was younger, I took my good immune system for granted. I would go to an appointment and expect everything would be ok. And it was.

I remember when first out of college and well into my first career job with health benefits, laughing about the fact they really weren’t benefits at all, because I never used them.  I would go years sometimes between appointments with no repercussions. I guess I was one of those snarky kids Obama is trying to get to sign up for the new health plan to pay for the rest of us. Back then I thought I was invincible.

Never a cavity. No glasses. Normal height. Normal Weight. No broken bones. Not high-risk for anything too odd.  Normal, normal, normal…

But then a few years ago, something changed.

It’s like as soon as you turn 40, suddenly, even if healthy, you start getting the call-backs.

It started with my first call-back after a mammogram, that left me anxious for a good month, as I had to come back in for an ultrasound and then wait for results. Then for the first time in my life last year I had a call back after a Ob-Gyn visit, that resulted in a follow-up, something called a colposcopy that was pretty horrible. Even the hygienist at the Dentist’s office last year had me worried when she thought my gums looked a little blotchy.

What could that be? What am I doing wrong? Why am I falling apart? I began to wonder…

So now, in 2013, I don’t take normal for granted anymore and I’m please to say, so far so good!

I have two down already, Ob-Gyn last month, where I just received a letter in the mail saying I’m A-OK for now (happy dance!). And I just received a  thumbs up from the Dentist on Monday. Although I don’t think I did anything different this year, they told me I somehow stepped up my game.

The last reminder just popped up on the calendar when I logged in this week:  The Yearly Physical.

Typically the yearly physical is where I shine. I’m highly aware of everything I eat. I treat exercise like my career. My doctor, who likely spends all day warning people that they need to stop eating fast food and soda and start walking every day, or at least getting up from their computers once in a while, looks at me and says “don’t change a thing!”.

His only recommendation last year? Take a Vitamin D tablet, because in Vermont, we get no sun.

But the part that drives my anxiety sky high, is something you would never, ever guess.

It’s that I absolutely, positively, detest numbers.

And when I get that end of year report card from my physical, showing all my numbers–normal or not–they drive me into a highly-competitive state.

I suspect this is on account of my career as a marketer. If a number ever crosses my path, it gets swept up into a pivot table in Excel and sliced and diced 20 different ways, categorized and analyzed over time. And if there is any variation at all, I’m awake at night thinking about why, how and what if?

And the worst number of all for me is that silly one every doctor takes as soon as you walk through the door.

The one you get when you step on a scale.

Over the last two years, knowing my obsessive behavior in response to numbers, I have been working hard to rid my life of them. I had used calorie counting for a few years and stopped. At one point I micro-managed my nutrient intake (and yes, there was a way-too-detailed pivot-table involved) to ensure all my numbers were where they should be: protein, carbs, fat, sugar, sodium, etc…but eventually stopped.

And about 2 years ago, I unceremoniously relegated the bathroom scale to the downstairs closet. Because any fluctuation in my weight would make me think I need to bring back all the numbers to manage it. And I don’t want that anymore. Adopting the if-the-clothing-still-fits attitude seems to work well for me.

But when you go to the Doctors office, you can’t avoid it.

When I visited the Ob-Gyn a few months ago, although I felt slightly dumb, I asked the nurse if she would mind if I turned around so I couldn’t see the number on the scale, and asked her not to tell me. She was ok with it.  But with a yearly exam, I’m not sure that’ll work, because BMI, body mass index, your height and weight ratio, is all anyone really seems to care about. My husband actually told me yesterday they had a meeting about changes in the health insurance, and that BMI was now going to be tracked for our health plan from now on.

So the anxiety has started in anticipation of learning for a fact what I know in my mind already: that I have gained a few pounds.

Even though I know I’m ok. I’m healthy.

And that fluctuation is normal.

I’m going to have to turn on every coping skill I possess to keep this knowledge from driving me numbers-crazy once again.  But I’ll also be proud I didn’t let my appointments lapse, and that I do not take my health for granted like I used to do when I was a younger adult.

Every year now I get my health report card:  if anything does go wrong, we catch it early and then hopefully move on.

At least until next year, when I start to see those new appointments pop back up on the calendar, and the worrying cycle begins once more…

Do you find Doctors appointments make you anxious? Do you keep up with all your appointments now, or do you need to get better at that? Would love to hear your stories and discussion…

Uncategorized

Rethinking Thanksgiving Traditions

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In a few days we’ll be trading leaf-bare Maples for Palm Trees.

And we will be leaving the jackets in the car at Albany Park & Fly; they won’t be needed.

Instead of rolling in leaf piles, the kids will be swimming in the pool. Splashing. Laughing.

On morning walks we won’t be shivering, or stomping through frost-covered grass and dried out goldenrod, surrounded by silence, and perhaps a few crow calls. And no need to check for ticks after we come inside. Instead we may be walking along the Bayshore. Sun beating down on us. Other walkers, and runners, dogs, and cars streaming past. We will look out over the bay, to the city skyline. Then turn to look the other way, and we’ll admire the beautiful homes, flowers and landscapes, one after another lining the street.

So different, in every way, from home in Vermont.

my niece with an anole!

my niece with an anole!

When the sun comes up, the little lizards, anoles, will be out. The kids will be on the lookout. Chase them down and in the case of my son Brett, who still has one for a pet from last year, perhaps if he’s fast enough, he can catch one.

Then there is the annual ladies day in Hyde Park, spent primarily at Anthropologie, maybe then to Williams-Sonoma for a last-minute gadget for the big feast, and then out to lunch and coffee with my mom and sister-in-law Brooke. This takes place while the kids, my husband and brother Greg take Brett, Jake and Anna on an adventure. This year, Tom has booked a Dad/ kid guided fishing trip.

jake fish

my nephew Jake fishing last year…

While my mom and I catch up all the time, Brooke and I don’t get to talk at length as much during the year, and this girls-day is one of our valued times to reconnect. To really talk. About everything. This is a day I now think about often throughout the year while at home, and anticipate, as that once a year treat.

Celebrating Thanksgiving in Florida  is a rather new tradition, as of the past few years.

Although I traveled often for work over the years, whenever I had visited Florida, I just remembered highways, shopping centers, tourist traps and convention centers.  But when my brother and his family moved to the Tampa area for work a few years ago, and I visited for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised.

The trees were all really cool. Sprawling. Huge. I had expected all the homes to be cookie-cutter planned developments but they are the opposite.  Each home in the neighborhood seemed unique in it’s own way. And it was warm! I love Vermont but after the fall leaves turn brown, and since we don’t even get much snow anymore, the late Fall through Winter time-frame, I can take or leave….

trading in the down coat for short sleeves and shorts...

trading in the down coat for short sleeves and shorts…

I grew up in Rhode Island, and remember Thanksgiving as being relatively traditional. At least in the sense that it was cold outside, and when I looked out the window, what I felt and saw: the cold, after-the-harvest look of the fields and trees, was probably similar enough to what the Pilgrims felt in nearby Massachusetts.

My parents moved to California in the mid-90s, while my brother Ken was in Minnesota, Greg moved around often, and I stayed on the East Coast. Thanksgiving became our time to get together; and as California became the new destination, we had to rethink our definition of what a traditional Thanksgiving might look like. It felt odd at first to be experiencing mild weather at this time of year. And instead of spending most of the time outside, we would see the sites: The CA Academy or Science, the Aquarium, The Zoo, Alcatraz, the Airplane museum. And endure endless traffic.

But many years have since passed. We all have families and complications with school vacations, conflicting schedules, and in-law families competing for time. Add that to the cost, inconvenience and the amount of time needed to travel for an entire family, going to California just isn’t all that convenient.

It is no longer a given that we all get together at Thanksgiving.

Location and attendance lately had become kind of a free-for-all, until my brother Greg offered to take whoever was willing to show up. Sometimes it’s all of the families. Sometimes just a few.  Florida happens to be one of the only places we can fly direct, and be there in a few hours, so Tom and I have decided as long as they’ll take us, we’ll show up!

There are other new traditions we have developed over the last few Florida Thanksgivings. Particularly about food. And how could I write an essay without the mention of health?

When I think back to past Thanksgivings in California, we didn’t get much activity. We took dog walks each day, but they weren’t what you’d call heart-pumping activity. And we visited the Redwoods in Muir Woods numerous times. Although there is a trail, because of the different ability levels we had with kids and parents in tow, the hiking wasn’t exactly strenuous. We do all have one thing in common in my family-we love our red wine.  And we love snacking.  We would hang out in my parents open kitchen-dining room-family room. The game would be on. The cheese and crackers and tortilla chips and wine would come out…a little earlier than we are typically used to. My parents frequented wine country, and always had some new vineyard find they wanted us to try. On one of the days, the guys took a long bike ride along San Francisco bay, but we ladies? Nothing.

The result: Endless snacking.

And activity? Not so much.

We always felt like blobs at the end of the week.

More recently, in Florida, much of this routine remains the same. As soon as Greg picks us up from the airport, we typically hit a Starbucks, and then stop at the local wine shop to select what we need for the week. At home, the Boursin cheese and brie and salami and crackers emerge on a tray; while we do our best to eat it all, there appears to be a never-ending supply to keep munching on. And we do keep munching…

a little poolside reading w/Anna

a little poolside reading w/Anna

But there’s one difference.  Instead of sitting around, we are all so much more aware of ensuring we stay active. And while we indulge in a big way, we bond over keeping fit as well.

When I exercise at home, I typically work out solo. But part of the new Florida tradition involves poolside workouts with my brother.  It was a few years ago, where Greg urged me to try a p90x workout with him. I was scared. But his enthusiasm and assurance it wasn’t beyond my ability, helped give me the confidence to try it with him, and that experience prompted me to tackle the full program when I came home. Last year, we did something a little different:  the brother/sister poolside workout. No video this time. It’s too nice outside. Greg takes the lead; but I make suggestions, and we learn from each other, each morning. I was self-conscious at first, a few years ago, having the whole family walking in and out while we are out there in plain sight, looking super-unattractive. But after a while I got used to the commotion of other family members dropping by to watch, or even participate for a few minutes. My mom sometimes stops by for a little stretch or a yoga pose. Macy the Golden Retriever or Sweet Pea the pug may drop by too, and a few times I found myself in plank, or coming up from a push-up to find myself nose-to-nose with one of them.

macysweetpea

workout audience, Macy and the Pea

And it’s not just the two of us. There appears to be more of a silent understanding now. Just because we are not in our regular routine, it doesn’t mean we have to slack off in all areas. By keeping active, we won’t go home feeling awful, and that’s so important. The poolside workout isn’t for everyone: Brooke usually heads out to see her trainer. My mom takes walks and does some light weights. Tom disappears to go fishing early on some mornings and takes walks. We are together, but we know nobody will miss us if we need to run off for 45 minute or an hour on our own, to ensure our individual needs are met to balance out all the crazy eating.

As I think about next week and the Thanksgiving table,  I can picture it now.

Greg is tending to the turkey, smoking in his prized Green Egg.

my brother and the prized Green Egg.

my brother and the prized Green Egg.

Tom and I are making roasted root vegetables; and perhaps we can sneak a few sweet potatoes and turnips from our Vermont CSA into our luggage, to share the harvest…

Brooke is making the sweetest most decadent yam casserole, that she learned to make at home with her mom in Oklahoma.

My mother makes her Minnesota Wild Rice Soup.

And we top it all off with a few apple and pumpkin pies, and perhaps a run for Ben and Jerry’s once the kids are asleep.

We’ll get up the next day, and after another poolside workout, we’ll head for the airport.

We are stuffed, but don’t feel so bad.

It doesn’t matter what it looks like outside. Or how authentic our meal or whether the Pilgrims did it this way…  our latest evolving tradition includes the best of everything: family, time together, indulgence with foods and wines (because it wouldn’t be fun without that…).

But also a respect for each family members different approach to health.

Our new-found tradition to keep inspiring each other every time we get together, and keep cheering each other on is a good one.

Our Thanksgivings for the last few years have been in warm sunny Florida, but regardless of where they may be in the future, this mutual respect for health as a family will ensure we’ll all be there for each other, making new memories and traditions, for many, many more years to come.

And I for one, am thankful.

How have your traditions changed over the years? Traditional or not? Does your family help inspire you to stay active? Or the other way around?  Do you wish you could be more active during the holidays? Would love to hear your thoughts and stories!

Uncategorized

The Fitness Blues

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When I first started this journal, my idea was this would be the place for me to work out my thoughts about staying healthy through the years.

And I wanted this to be about me as a woman; not a mom.

I didn’t want, more than anything, to be a mommy-blogger.

Not that there is anything wrong with mommy-bloggers, I read and enjoy many of them. I just thought because so many women, once they become moms, become so absorbed in being caretakers, keeping track of households, careers, kids, etc, there needs to be a place to voice our concerns. Because as often as we get swallowed into everyone else’s drama,  we too are people who matter. We need to be strong, healthy, and yes, happy too, if we are going to be good support for our families.

And if anyone cares to read what I write, if they don’t know this already about themselves, they can be reminded of this fact too.

But as I look back at my last few posts, actually most of them from this summer on, would put me in that mommy category. Parenting issues have invaded my brain. And as much as I would like to mull-over interesting  issues and health trends, I often become interrupted.

Hmmm, should I continue to pursue intermittent fasting? I read it’s really healthy and helps you ward off disease, but after trying it for a few months, I need to re-evaluate…

Oh, time to pick up my son from school….

I need to find a local veggie source for the winter, need to research all the options.

Are you going to town today, can you pick up prescriptions at the drug-store?

My friend Maggie told me about this company, 23andme, about how you can get genetic testing for your family and find out if you are prone to Alzheimer’s and other diseases? Can you imagine doing that? Would I ever consider it?

Hey, get off the computer, you have been playing Minecraft way too long…

I need to reschedule that yearly exam I cancelled last month…

Actually, Brett needs his well-check too, I’ll schedule that first.

I’m unmotivated right now and need to create a new exercise program before I build a new habit of laziness, what should I do?

Don’t forget, come early for the Halloween Parade at school today!

Where does the time go!

Often as soon as these questions come to mind, I’m forced to come down from the clouds, back to the school, back to the doctor’s office, back to finishing the last Harry Potter book with my son. Back to helping him do his homework, and lecturing him about the need for balance with screen time.

And these questions are forgotten for weeks, unresolved, until I bring them up again and start the same cycle of putting them off, putting them off…

Oh yeah, and did you know, we are out of toilet paper too? 

Argh! The indignity of it all…

I just want to concentrate for just a few minutes…my health and sanity are at stake!

There isn’t typically an immediate downside to putting off finding answers to some of my health questions.  But one of them has finally become a problem.

It’s that one about about needing to find a new exercise program. Because I’m in a big slump. Completely unmotivated.

I’m one of those people who does well with a planned exercise program. I need a schedule telling me what to do each day. If I have a schedule, no questions asked, like it or not, busy or not… it gets done. And for the last few years, I had been happily switching off between a few programs (P90x and ChaLean Extreme) where I have three days of using weights, and then the rest of the days I have a mix of outside walks, hikes or some variety of strength training and yoga.

But last month as I reached the end of my most current program schedule, as much as I love them both, I couldn’t bear to continue. The workouts were getting redundant; I have done each of them, in 3-month intervals, 3x.

So I decided to be unscheduled for a few weeks, to think over what to do next.

Each time I tried to take the time to research something new, I was disappointed. First of all, if you try enough of these programs, they all start to seem similar after awhile and it’s just hard to choose. I think, but if it’s so similar, why don’t I just do another round of what I have already?

But I don’t want to do another round. I’m bored.

Decision, interrupted. 

I began to take hikes up in the woods behind my house every day. October is so amazing in Vermont, I need to enjoy it.

The view at the top of my October hikes…

These hikes were challenging, and a welcome change from scheduled weight lifting.  And when your mind drifts a million miles away in parent-land, just feeling that air. Seeing the colors. The different trees. The feeling I get when I reach the top of the little mountain and look out at our cute little rural valley, it’s intoxicating.

But the beauty doesn’t last too long. As I look out the window today, and see the leaves almost all down from the trees. The wind is whipping, and it’s pouring out. And the need to answer my question about what next comes back to the forefront, because I’m not going out there…

I have read it takes 21 days to build a habit.

And after my wonderful month off, mindlessly rambling in the woods, I realize I took a few days too many. I lost my good habit. The one where I’m all for the challenge of one armed push-ups, army crawls, vertical jumps, chin-ups, right angle poses and hip openers, and heavy weights.

Instead I am left with the new habit of just wanting to move around mindlessly, not having to think too much, or work too hard. When I’m particularly unmotivated and it’s cold out, I even started strapping on the headphones, grabbing my kindle fire and streaming Orange is the New Black on Netflix, while mindlessly moving my legs on the elliptical.

When I’m done, I don’t even remember working out. It just isn’t all that satisfying.

This IS really good exercise. I know you are all thinking that.

But I won’t be hiking or walking much in the winter. And I’ll be bored if I am on the elliptical more than once or twice a week.

When you are in a slump, the first bit of advice a fitness expert is going to tell you is that you need to mix it up. Well, I’m trying. I agree with that advice.

But here’s the problem I’m starting to see. I need to stay motivated not just for 3 months or a year, or two years, I need to stay motivated to workout for LIFE. I have been in-tune with my health, making sure it is always a priority, for about 5 years, and I’m in this slump already.

What happens in 10 years? Or 20?

How am I going to keep mixing it up FOREVER?

Another bit of advice I hear from fitness experts, and try to add to the equation to pick me out of this slump, is that I need to set goals.  And I totally agree! I set goals all the time. But here’s the challenge. It’s all fun when someone wants to lose weight. Hooray, I lost 10 lbs! Or 50 lbs. I have reached my goal!  That’s so motivating!  But what happens when you are the same size for a long time. And you just need to stay there?

And then when you first start working out you can set goals like: I want to run a 5K, or a half-marathon. Or I want to increase my weights. Or I want to lose 2 inches off my waist. And you have reached these goals already. What’s next?

Keep going?

Make the challenges harder?

How long can I keep this up?

Do I want to keep this up?

And is it safe? Injury is not an option.

Thinking about how I might respond to these questions, about how far I really need to go with these never-ending goals to stay motivated, I am reminded of a phrase from one of my favorite workout videos, where Chalene Johnson tells us assuredly:

You are an athlete now!

Me, an athlete?

Because I show up every day and work hard at fitness? Hmmm…

I’m flattered by the idea, I hadn’t thought to categorize myself this way.  But it worries me too, because the more I get swept up in setting and achieving new goals, quantifying progress, looking at exercise as a sport, a competition or a job, or thinking about me, an athlete, the harder it is to ever feel like I am succeeding.

I don’t want to continue keeping score.

How do I show progress, without being so into it?

Without having to quantify every bite, every weight, every personal best?

I don’t want to think like an athlete…or a professional. I can’t lift more than I am already. Get more fit than I am already, unless I make a decision to take it a step further…

And I don’t need that.

I am after all, just a mom.

Decision on how to proceed?

Interrupted, once again, for now…

What types of tactics do you use to help get you back into the right frame of mind to stay motivated? Do you feel the need to continually one-up your goals? Or do you just not think about it?

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

What do you see?

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it's not about perfect hair and smile, it's about where I have been

I moved to Vermont when I was 26.

At that time, all decisions were motivated by work, and this was my 3rd career and location move in 5 years.

My mother remarked a few times she thought I was smart to experience what it’s like to make my own decisions, to be on my own and independent as an adult. She and my father were married towards the end of college, as was the trend at the time for women. She went straight from her parents house, to college, to living with my father and having children soon-after.  My parents had a successful marriage and she was happy, but she did acknowledge to me more than once, she wished she, as a woman, had that opportunity to live as a young adult on her own.

To experience her career on her own.

To date as an adult.

That actually cracked me up at the time, my mom date? But I now get what she was saying 100%.  What I experienced during those years, on all levels, was invaluable and had I not learned what I did then about life, love, coping, independence,  I think my subsequent choices would have been bad.

Really bad.

I eventually made my life in Vermont more permanent.  I moved again within the state about 4 years later, changed jobs, and lived with my then-boyfriend, now husband. One day around this time, during a quick stop to a clothing store I bumped into a former co-worker, a grandmotherly woman, with long gray hair piled loosely in a bun and big round glasses worn down towards the tip of her nose. I met this woman in my first few weeks at the office, and we had a nice rapport, but we hadn’t seen each other since. Peering down through her glasses, she looked at me for a little longer than what you would expect to be polite, and eventually remarked:

“You look the same. But something’s changed. Your face has a new maturity about you now.

It looks great on you.”

I just smiled; not really sure how to respond.

Do you all know that change?

The time when you cease being that carefree, happy-go-lucky young adult with no responsibilities, and then become the one with many?  I was certainly unaware I possessed this new-found maturity as it happened, but as I think back, she was right.  I recognize the same changes in a few of my younger friends who are going through it now.

And I’m wondering today, a decade or so later, if yet another new level of maturity is taking shape.

Because when I look in the mirror, I’m tempted to do a double-take, something seems different.

A few days ago I read a blog post by Nicola Joyce, a fitness writer, who shared with readers  a video she created for the What I see project.  This project, founded by Edwina Dunn, in the U.K., sets out to explore how women globally answer this question:

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Are they reading my mind?

It’s not often a message appears exactly when you need it; I’m glad this one did.

This is a simple question.  But one most of us are never asked.

And probably have no idea how to put our internal thoughts into words, although we take glances in that mirror a few times each day.

I have not shared my story with the project yet, but I am fascinated by the question and have become enchanted with the stories of others who have submitted responses to the project. Some women respond based on how they look. And some respond based on who they are as person, and all they have accomplished. Some seem truthful and searching; their stories poignant. Some sound like they are saying what they want others to hear, but whether they are being honest, or just showing bravado, we’ll never know.

And, what would I say?

Would I be superficial and talk about my flaws, and all the parts of me I wish were different?

Or would I be one of the women who looks deeper, beneath the surface of the once-sparkling blue eyes, the ones with dark circles etched with what seems like permanent black lines. Am I one who thinks about the character of me as a person, and what I really, truly have experienced over the years and have to offer?

When I’m standing in front of that mirror, I certainly want to see the character within me. The independent, career-minded one who moved to Vermont way back when, and surrounded herself with loving people, built a safe and beautiful home and family. I want to see the woman who is a caring, supportive, loving mom and wife. The one who has made good solid choices.  The one who is a good friend. A survivor of many challenges. And I want to see the woman who knows she has needs too, and makes sure those needs do not get swept aside.

But sadly, in reality, I do not usually see her.

Instead, I see the here and now, and give myself a hard time.

What’s happening with my hair today?

Do these jeans look tight?

Maybe I’m not exercising enough.

Maybe I need to get some cover-up to gloss over these dark circles…

I’m the one who ignores the fact that aging does happen after awhile. And even if it happens gracefully, I assume this reality doesn’t apply to me, so what I see reflecting back never lives up to this high expectation.

It’s funny.

The subject of character.

When I was a kid, my father’s most often used saying to my brothers and me was “it’s character building”. Whether it was the result of doing our chores, paying for our car insurance or doing our homework, whatever we had to endure, that we didn’t like, built character.

We grumbled and rolled our eyes whenever we heard it.

He would laugh.

And as usual, with time, we all knew he was right.

I know I have that character he helped me build; I just need to see it for myself. To recognize it. To put value on it.

I used to like the fact I wasn’t the spitting image of either of my parents. My eyes and skin color resemble my mothers side of the family; my disposition and height from my father. But my look was truly my own. The perfect mix.

Just the other day, I was getting a haircut. With hair wet and slicked back, sitting in front of the mirror at the salon, I looked at myself, realizing for the first time I’m seeing more and more of my fathers face looking back at me.

He’s no longer here, so that’s a little eerie. I wonder if the last time he saw me, he thought that too?

Sometimes it takes me awhile to develop a new habit and act on it, even if I know it’s the right thing to do. Like knowing who I am isn’t just about what I physically see in that mirror. It’s the sum of all I have learned and achieved. The ever-expanding accumulation of maturity that grows within me, and on my face, as I weave in and out of different chapters of my life.

Maybe this is the difference I’m starting to see now.

The new-found resemblance to my father; now a gentle reminder to me each day.

No quick glances.

Take a better look, and appreciate more deeply the person staring back in the mirror each day.

And as my former co-worker said way back when, the maturity probably does look great on me…

How would you respond to this question?  An interesting question for men too, who are even less often asked about their true feelings. 

I’d love to hear your stories. 

And please check out the What I see website and view some of the videos and perhaps submit your story…you may get lost in them like I did.

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Tradeoffs

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Many people think they have to give up foods they love, or feel guilt after the fact when they indulge, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s all a matter of balancing the good with the bad. I have heard a few percentages quoted in the media, if you eat well somewhere between 85-90% of the time, then the other 10-15% of the time, you can live it up.

Although I’m not sure where I fall with percentages, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this philosophy. I’m one of those people who love different tastes, appreciate a good chef and the creativity of fusing unexpected flavors together. And of course, love the bottle of red and desserts that go with it. A few months ago, I wrote For the Love of Foods , with the message you can still achieve your health goals, but also live it up with food when the time is right.

This ideal has worked well over the last few years, but I have to come clean about one new problem that keeps cropping up after I have one of these dessert-wine-heavy meal evenings.

One I keep silencing every time I think about it, because I don’t want it to be true.

On these nights, I have insomnia.

And it’s awful. I go to sleep easily, and then wake at 2 am, like clockwork, and am not able to go back to sleep. I have searched the web, and it’s well-documented that alcohol can cause insomnia. But after a few months of testing, just wine, wine + dessert, only dessert, etc,  I have noted the problem isn’t really the wine by itself, as much as it’s the sugar in the dessert–or the combination of both.

This appears to be my new reality, and I’m faced with this tradeoff every few weeks:

Live to eat whatever I want for one fun evening?

Or not sleep, and suffer the next day by being tired and irritable.

But I love wine…I love dessert…I deserve it, really….help!

But I can’t tell you how awful I feel at 2 am watching the clock for hours and hours waiting for morning.

What to do, what to do…

When I know I want to write about a topic at some point, I create a draft with a title and a few descriptive words, just so I don’t forget about the topic.

Then promptly forget about it.

This idea, Tradeoffs, has been sitting in my drafts folder for a  long, long time, but after reading this post by Caitlin Kelly, at Broadside: I’m not where I expected to be, and subsequent discussion, I thought it was a good time to pull it out once again.

The stakes aren’t monumental if I make the wrong choice once in a while when I go out to dinner, I’ll just be uncomfortable and tired and need to make up for it somehow.

But there are other tradeoffs, either conscious decisions, or ones we haven’t realized we even made, that shape our lives.  And we question ourselves repeatedly over the conscious ones, wondering  if we have made the right choice.

Career/Family

My big life tradeoff, the one I keep questioning over and over in my mind, is my decision to jump out of my successful corporate career and stay home with my son full-time.

When I was working full-time and traveling, and generally frazzled and without sleep all the time, I remember glaring at those lucky stay at home moms, who could actually hire a babysitter so they could go out to lunch with “the girls”. I remember seeing them when I was out to lunch with my co-workers. Must be nice I thought. They have all the time in the world to play during their day.  But what I realized very quickly is that the mom stuff is actually really, really hard. These women do need to do lunch with the girlfriends, as often as they can!

Work problems taxed my mental capacity, sometimes stress was so great I would wake in the middle of the night all-consumed by issues with clients or with co-workers, or just overwhelmed by the projects I had due the next day.

Mom-stuff zaps me of all physical energy and at the end of each day, I’d love to curl up under a rock and fall asleep and just not speak to anyone….

But each day those brain-muscles are a bit underutilized. I kind of wish I had some of those more interesting work-like-puzzles to unfold.

Other trade-offs with this decision? Money is a big one. The ability to fix up the house isn’t really an option anymore. And that’s ok generally, until the washing machine and the dishwasher break at the same time, or when the toilet springs a leak…eventually this stuff has to be fixed. And I remember the days when I had a big paycheck, I used to collect orchids! Really, who does that? I think every orchid was probably $20-$50, and my beautiful collection slowly died out after my son was born and I wasn’t able to keep up with them.

I think about all the money I spent on that now, and on $500 suits, and other little throw-away luxuries I indulged in when I was working, and think, wow, I do wish I saved some of that for now!

The travel tradeoff, I think about this often. When I worked full time, I traveled so much for work, I never wanted to travel for personal reasons. But I could afford it. Now? I’m dying to get out of town. Would love to visit my mom and my brothers and sister-in-laws, and my niece and nephews. And I have plenty of time now. But the budget isn’t there.

Nope….it’s never easy.

But my son knows I’m here for him every day. I have the time to work on his challenges. I know what he’s eating. I know he has a good mix of what’s important in his day; nature, exercise, healthy foods, time together to read a book, build legos, catch frogs. He gets a good nights sleep and as much as he likes activities, with me around, he has more flexibility to be home when he needs to recharge.

He often is bummed when his dad is out of town on a work trip, and doesn’t have as much time for him. But we explain the tradeoffs his Dad is making now, so he and I can spend our days together. We explain to him this isn’t always the norm with kids who may have to go to daycare or after-school activities and not see their parents but for an hour or so a day. We explain Dad enables us to do what we do, keep our family happy and clothed and warm and cozy each night in our cute little house. It may not be the most up-to-date, a la HGTV, but it’s our home, and we are comfortable and safe…

My husband and I do find this family set-up very funny. We never expected we would be a traditional, Dad works; Mom stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids kind of family. But hey, it seems right now. And I suppose we will re-evaluate these decisions and make adjustments as we go.

I think I made the right choice. For my son, and for my family. Time will tell for me personally.

Health

When I think about day-to-day tradeoffs I make, most of them are account of my biggest obsession: health.

In that first year home after I stopped working, I was disorganized and overly-focused on my son, I didn’t bother worrying about myself. I thought just being outside with him meant I was getting enough activity for the day.

I didn’t have a lot of energy.  I couldn’t get a handle on my weight. And my back started to bug me all the time.

My son had the down time he needed, but I did not prioritize myself. Nothing in my day took into account any of my needs.

The tradeoff:

Child has attentive Mom 100% of the time.

But, Mom is sick, unhealthy, unhappy and impatient

This to me?

Not quite acceptable. I did some research, figured out how much to eat. I learned how to like exercise (something I thought I hated initially, read about that here) and then made time for formal activity every day. No more leaving it to chance anymore. I also learned to take time for myself when I need it. If I’m impatient and burnt out? I give myself a time-out.

Making changes isn’t easy, but I’m a lot happier. And I now feel great. Have no back problems. And as long as I have a good cup of coffee in the morning am mostly patient.

And you are asking, what are the Tradeoffs?

Sometimes I don’t feel like exercising. Sometimes I’d rather do something else.

Sometimes if it’s a super-busy day, I have to wake up early to get that workout in and that’s tough. I miss out on some sleep (again!)

Sometimes when he was younger I had to stick my kid in front of a video to make it happen.

Sometimes I’d rather do take out and not cook our meals

Sometimes I’d like to eat a gigantic bowl of tortilla chips and salsa all day every day without a care in the world about how this is going to affect me long term…

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to think so hard about this stuff, because it is hard!

But it’s life…if you want to be healthy long-term, you can’t ignore it and hope what you read in the news about the need for eating well and staying fit do not apply to you.

At 20, you can get away with it.

At 35+? Not an option.

Just like my wine and sugar issues never bothered me before a few months ago, there are new realities that come into play all the time, and we have to figure out the best way to address it.

And there are even more tradeoffs:

My house is oftentimes messier than I’d like. My husband, a few months ago mentioned I should entitle one of my blog posts “A fitness buff’s dirty little secret”, to address the fact he found a zillion dust bunnies under the bed when he happened to look for something under there. Thanks hon.

Part of being healthy of course is foods. I cook a lot, and every night after dinner I am still stunned at my ability to use every dish in the house and am getting tired of dealing with the mess.

One little issue that has come to mind in the last few years is that my health focus has been so all-consuming I haven’t had much time to think about anything else, namely what I want to eventually do for a career.

From what I have been reading, every problem in life these days: lower stress levels, lower anxiety, better focus and attention, overall energy levels, fewer colds and sickness; better diet and improved fitness levels, along with some time outside are exactly what we all need.

And what most people do not get.

Nope, I don’t see too many downsides to this tradeoff.

But I do need to come clean on one other very little tradeoff:

This summer, if I want to write, my son plays Minecraft for way, way, way too long…

Mom, brain-exercised

Son, brain-frazzled…

But now it’s time to take it outside and we’ll both be ok for the rest of the day…

 

What are some of the tradeoffs you have made? Are you happy with them? Still trying to decide?

Big or Little day to day tradeoffs…

Would love to hear your stories and discuss. How are you handling them?