Tag Archives: Parenting

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Keeping our Classrooms Safe

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After hauling my groceries into the car, I’m ready for the hour-long drive back home, in time to pick my son up at school.

I double-check my phone.

Missed call. 802 area code. Shoot. Probably the school.

Why didn’t my phone ring?

It never does for some reason.

I check the message; it’s from the school nurse.

Big emergency:

Cake has been brought into the classroom.

Can Brett have any?

My heart starts pounding. And as I continue on my drive home, for the next half hour, my brain is spinning with possible scenarios that could happen as a result of the answer to this question.

What’s the problem, you may ask?

What’s wrong with cake? Kid eats treats at school all the time, right?

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids'll take it...

a little extra running around time vs. cake? most kids’ll take it…

No big deal.

But it is.

To the kid with a food allergy, when an unexpected ‘something’ is brought to school.

I continue driving. What to do. What to do.

And then finally stop at the first turn-around I see and call in to the school.

The nurse and I talk it over.

Will it be safe? Who baked it?

It’s probably ok. But what if it isn’t?

Is it worth it? Should he just opt out?

When he opts out, guess what?

Instead of learning at school, he’s upset in the nurses office.

He’s excluded, as always…

Sometimes I wonder if the questions I ask, the precautions I take, as a parent of a child with severe food allergies, are just a little too much..

Sometimes I see the eye-rolling, the impatience.

I’m clearly viewed as:

Helicopter mom.

Sometimes I think about the absurdity, having to plan every little detail of something so simple: something my child will put in his mouth. And eat. Like every other person in the world does every day.

Sometimes every hour.

Or every few hours.

Without a thought.

But then I open the news, and see for myself.

Not asking questions.

Not taking the time to double-check.

Not remembering the meds.

Not educating those around us of the issues facing life with a food allergy.

Sometimes results in this tragedy about a teen named Andrea. Or this one, involving a boy named Simon. Or this one, another teen, Morgan.

Every September, as kids get settled into the school year, deaths from anaphylaxis occur. These three have all happened in the past few weeks.

After the fact, we all scratch our heads and wonder.

Why didn’t they just ask what was in their food?

Where was the Epi-pen or Auvi-Q?

Why didn’t they just say no?

Their deaths?

Senseless

Preventable.

And this mom is reminded, in spite of the eye-rolling and name-calling by other parents.

There’s a reason we do what we do.

And for the questions we need to ask repeatedly.

If not, the consequences can be seen in the headlines.

To me, the answer lies solely with inclusion.

Kids do not want to stand out. They want to participate in school activities and events and not have to look different by asking 100 questions about their food or having attention drawn to the medication pack protruding from their waist.

If food wasn’t such a big deal, kids with food allergies wouldn’t be considered different at all.

And if food wasn’t such a big deal during the school day, parents of food allergic kids can put their anxieties away for the 7 or so hours they are in the hands of educators.

So I ask:

Why IS there so much extra food at school?

And how many times am I going to be asked this school year to decide on whether my child can participate. Let’s see….

14 kids x 14 birthdays.

Teachers birthday.

Halloween party. Thanksgiving Party, Xmas Party. Easter. End of School.

Let’s add 2 more random events…there always are a few!

That adds up to 22 potential opportunities for extra treats in school out of about 37 weeks, an average of about every other week.

We have a small classroom; try doing the math for your kids–I’ll bet it’s even more often.

Food allergic kids and parents like me will be asked to make to-eat-or-not-to-eat judgement calls like this or just have our children excluded from the celebration (the most likely choice) almost every other week of the school year. Providing a special “allergy-friendly” treat for these instances worked when my son was younger, but not anymore. It’s not about the food for my son, he doesn’t care. It’s about participating with the class; not being singled out.

And non-food allergic kids will just be given lots of extra food and sugar they don’t really need.

Every-other-week.

Really, I’m not trying to be a kill-joy. I love food too. And I love celebrating my child’s birthday.

But don’t you think every-other-week is kind of often?

Too often?

Food isn’t the only thing in life that’s fun.

There are alternate ways to celebrate.

It’s not just for the sake of food allergies, most of my friends aren’t exactly happy with the amount of extra, unplanned sugar and treats their non-allergic kids consume during the school day.

How about just taking a few extra minutes to think of alternatives, that can include everyone?

My son’s favorite: how about a few more minutes of recess as a treat? So much healthier; the kids enjoy it much more. And instead of kids returning from the celebration on a sugar-high (except for the food allergic child, who is just angry he had to opt out or have a dry allergy-friendly cookie instead), they come in from their extra few minutes of running around more focused and ready to learn.

If you are unsure this will work, or are drawing a blank on ideas, check out this link with some great alternative ideas for non-food treats and rewards.

Parents, teachers, think it over.

Fewer food treats: more active or non-food treats, you’ll have a safe classroom and healthier kids all-around.

Food allergic kids and parents like me won’t feel pressured to take risks, or be embarrassed or hesitant to ask questions, in fear of being thought of as one-of-those-helicopter parents.

All kids will be included.

There will be fewer allergic reactions.

And most of all, we can all focus on what our kids are learning during the day.

Not what they are eating.

How about you? Do you have ideas to share on minimizing extra foods in the classroom and focusing on non-food rewards? Would love to hear your stories, comments, experiences.

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Much more than a Sneeze Part 2

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Last night, at a routine family dinner, we started what I thought would be a routine conversation.

How was your day? My husband asked my son.

Well, it was my teacher’s birthday, and some of the kids brought in cookies and cake.

So you didn’t have any right?

Right. My son answers.

He gets up from the table and starts nervously tipping his chair back and forth, obviously irked.

Was it fun?  I asked. He had been talking about surprising his teacher for days; I knew he was looking forward to it.

Yeah, he said. But it’s really, really, really, really annoying. That I can never have anything.

I know I should be used to this.

But I’m not.

This initially surprised me, I have confidently assured family members, friends, teachers and other parents that Brett was OK with bringing his own food. Or saying, no thanks when a treat is offered.

But for the next half hour, no easy task, we try to calm him of the anxiety that he’ll have to live without, and be left out, for the rest of his life.

The conclusion? We all agreed:

We hate food allergies

And I was up at 2 a.m. unable to get back to sleep and get this conversation out of my head.

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post called Much More than a Sneeze about my son’s allergy to peanuts to show what it’s like to live with this disability. Allergy is a common condition most of us equate with stuffiness and sneezes and annoyance but nothing too harmful for the majority of people. Food allergy is often more severe, can lead to anaphalaxis, and can be life-threatening. The two conditions sharing this same name, causes confusion and misunderstanding, and often a lack of empathy or patience from people who are not familiar with the differentiation.

If you read public comments from any news article on this topic, it won’t take you long to scroll down and see blatent anger directed towards people with food allergies.

Often people assume the person is making up the food allergy.

Or just wants special attention.

Or they find some way to blame the parent or affected child:

Being overly clean. Not feeding nuts as a baby. Feeding nuts as baby. Bottle feeding. Using a dishwasher. Too many pesticides. GMOs. Fast food. Living in the city. Living in the country. Genetics. 

The list of who and what to blame goes on and on. Because, when most adults today were kids, they never knew anyone with a food allergy. There’s a blatant distrust that the disability, invisible to others, even exists. So why should anyone accommodate?

As I think about Brett’s disillusionment at his grim reality, I realized too, as a parent who has lived in the world of food allergy for a decade:

I’m not used to it either.

Pretending the repeated exclusion doesn’t bother us is what we are expected to do.

But sometimes you get tired of keeping up the facade.

It’s a reality that food allergies are known to lower a parent’s quality of life. So you can imagine what it’s like for the child on a day-to-day basis. But we are expecting these kids to just deal-with-it. Put on a shiny-happy-face.

Brett is 10 now.

An age I’m told by other adults he should be more independent.

Yes, he can now speak up for himself at school when those treats come out.

Yes, he knows he can’t eat foods that come from other people’s kitchens. He knows how to read labels.

Yes, he knows eating out at restaurants is conditional, and must include playing 20 questions with the staff on food allergy matters.

But as a kid, he doesn’t want special attention; he just wants to fit in.

And instead is forced into getting singled out and excluded

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

How many times can you see you are not welcome, before it starts to bother you?

At every single event where food is part of the equation.

Think about it.

How often is food not part of the equation in daily life?

Almost every day there’s a reason to celebrate something with food at school: holidays, birthday’s, seasons, graduations, finishing a big project.

At camps, kids need a snack or lunch. If you are just out for the day and need to stop for lunch at an unfamiliar restaurant, food allergic people, even if reassured of their safety, are asked to assume a fry cook knows to keep their food away from the PB&J sandwich station. Ethnic foods (with peanut oil) and roasted nuts permeate the air in airports, and while on a plane, people nearby are munching on these nuts and foods at all hours, and in enclosed spaces. We wonder, will the smell and dust in the air cause him to react? If we ask the person eating nuts politely to stop, will they yell at us? We really don’t want to bother anyone, but….

These situations represent normal everyday life for most, but stakes are high for that food allergic child or adult, or parent, if they are near an allergen.

As a parent, what am I supposed to say?

How would any of us feel if we were  told to act normal and stop worrying when in the same room as something that could cause us to stop breathing, land us in a hospital, or potentially take our life?

And also, I read the news and know the reality.

As kids get older, and more independent, it’s more complicated.

As we let go, because “we can’t let our kids live in a bubble” more mistakes happen.

If only we could keep him in a bubble...

If only we could keep him in a bubble…this one looks good.

And more photos of these sweet kids, who did not make it because they simply ate a cookie. Or ordered food at a restaurant they were told was safe for them, but it wasn’t, and they forgot their epi-pens, or the medication didn’t work, start floating around Facebook, and our hearts skip a beat.

Unless you follow food allergy news, you may not see these headlines; there have been many, too many, in the last six months.

So often when I mention food allergy struggles to friends or acquaintances, I’m told:

“you know, food allergy can be cured! I just read something about this on the web!”

Statements like this give me pause.

If it was possible to easily get rid of this allergy don’t you think we’d be doing something about it?

I’m guessing you have seen these bold headlines declaring there is now a CURE for Peanut Allergies too.

Although I wish this was really true, I’ll give you my take on it.

The LEAP study has received tons of press recently, with headlines proclaiming (contrary to what physicians have recommended over the last decade) peanut allergies will be cured if you feed peanuts to babies. But it’s really not so simple. The takeaway from the study is actually that physician-monitored dosing of peanut could prevent some peanut allergies from forming in at-risk babies. Note: Parents, do not try this at home!

This is amazing news, if they can reverse the food allergy trend, that’s monumental. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

But it doesn’t change anything for us.

The most promising news to me is research on a patch, that uses small amounts of peanut protein to desensitize the child to the allergen. If a solution like this became available, it could minimize risk when a person with a peanut allergy is accidentally exposed to the allergen. We learned just this month research on the Viaskin patch has been fast-tracked by the FDA.

But do know it’s not available today and it will be years before it’ll be a viable option for us.

And there’s one more headline making the rounds: In one study, probiotics, along with other oral immunotherapies over time shows “promise” in treating peanut allergies. But this is one study. And it’s very controlled. Feeding my child gallons of yogurt, is not going to do the trick.

Contrary to what the headlines promise, the game is not over.

There is still no cure for Peanut Allergies.

My friends and family are all pretty awesome in their willingness to listen to our food allergy struggles. I know the topic isn’t all that interesting to those who are not affected, so I try to minimize how often I bring it up.

I am writing this updated post for a reason though.

It’s that realization the comfort zone we have created to minimize risk over the last few years is ending, and with growth, there will be so many new challenges, it makes my head spin.

I wonder:

Will there be a cure before he has to leave his current, food allergy aware elementary school, and if not, will this new school help keep him safe?

Will there be a cure before he starts to go on school field trips? Will he ever be able to go on field trips? Or will he be left out, once again?

Will there be a cure before my son starts to date, what about kissing?

Will there be a cure before he goes to college, and has to live in a dorm?

Will there be a cure, and not just the empty promise of a BOLD headline, EVER?

Because until there is a real cure.

A cure that promises us the stakes of making a food allergy mistake are no longer high.

I’m hoping you’ll be patient with us.

We may live with it everyday,

But we never, really, get used to it.

Have you seen the latest headlines? Did you think this problem was solved? What challenges have you faced or conquered, growing up with a food allergy or helping to manage your child’s allergy? Or do you have tips on managing anxiety? Love to hear your thoughts!

Healthy Living

Who needs Life Balance Anyway?

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My Life as a Pie

My Life as a Pie

Life Balance.

We talk about it.

We read about it in our struggle to achieve it.

And we think about it

Way, way, way too much.

If anything in our life is off-balance.

We know it.

But if we achieve it? What would this really look like?

Would we suddenly wake up happy and fulfilled every day?

These are some questions I have been asking lately because guess what?

I think I’m there.

A few months ago I wrote about going back to work, and one of my biggest fears was that I’d be spread too thin. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything well.

Or Perfect.

And I’d just have to sit back and settle for “good enough”.

As I think back to my concerns then, and where I am now, I realize I was wise to worry, because that’s what my life is like today.

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion I had no idea what reaching life balance even meant!

Do you?

When you think about life balance, what is your definition? 

A few months ago, I thought of it as a product of splitting my time.

Of setting priorities on what’s important to me, and checking off the to-do list each week to make sure everything is accomplished.

And by that definition, I’m a glowing sucess!

This week for example:

  • Work- Conference call and marketing plans.
  • Parenting- Drove kid back and forth to school. We chatted. Took walks. Did homework.
  • Friends– had an awesome lunch with my friend, and morning walk with another.
  • Husband–date night this week!
  • Health/ Exercise- strength training for 25-30 min. each day and an ave. of 12m steps. Sleep- 7-8 hours most nights.
  • Writing? Well no…we’ll talk about that later…
  • Volunteering. taught Four Winds science session to my son’s class.
  • Reading? Tana French’s new novel. Lord of the Rings book 3 and the new Heroes of Olympus w/family.

Hmm, anything else?

Ah yes, there are family dinners with homemade meals. Dealing with a half-dozen+ household pets and decisions related to a bathroom remodel. Laundry, cleaning….

On the surface, I really have it all! People might think:

She works! She hangs with friends! She keeps fit! She is a parent. Part of a successful marriage! Volunteers! Keeps the household afloat!

Right?

Well. No. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

Here’s what I have noticed instead:

If you see me in passing and want to chat?

Huh? Who are you again, and where am I?

I’m Jittery. Unfocused. Forgetful. Dropping things. Second-guessing decisions I have made.

If someone asks how I am, I either have nothing to say because I can’t even formulate a state of being until I have settled down a bit more, or end up in a psycho-babble that ends in random, impossible-to-follow tangents.

Caught in the middle of a transition.

Just because I’m splitting my time evenly to fit everything into a perfect little life/balance pie, it doesn’t mean spiritually, mentally, I have the ability to keep up!

This particular issue has invaded my brain for the last few months, one of the reasons I had to take a little break from writing. I didn’t plan it. I have just been too confused as to how to solve the problem, I didn’t need one more project, a set writing goal, to stratify each day even more.

And I also just learned I haven’t been allowing myself any breathing room to come up with anything remotely creative…

A few weeks ago, my husband came home from a trip with a new book: The Organized Mind, by Daniel J. Levintin. He left it on the coffee table, I’m guessing with the hope I might read it and find a way to eliminate the piles of paper and clutter so we can have an organized house.

Instead, as I flip through various chapters, it’s helping me understand this so-called “balance” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Unknowingly, I had been defining my life-balance success in terms of my ability to multi-task.

By my ability to accomplish all the priorities on my smartphone to-do list with a nice little check at the end of each day.

And that’s not helping me much. Because inside, I don’t even remotely feel like a success.

According Levintin:

Multitasking is the enemy of a focused attentional system

he says:

We can’t truly think about or attend to all these things at once, so our brains flit from one to another, each time with a neurological switching cost. The system does not function well this way.

I have been loving the fact I have flexible hours for work, and do so from home. But I have not made clear boundaries between work and home. Even when I’m not working, I’m consistently checking email to make sure I am “there” if anyone needs me.

And when I’m working, I may flit back and forth between the plumber or electrician or decisions on the bathroom. And then my mom sends another email about decisions related to a trip in June, and now it’s time to put on the parent hat and pick up Brett from school…

Levinton also states:

It takes more energy to shift your attention from task to task. It takes less energy to focus. That means that people who organize their time in a way that allows them to focus are not only going to get more done, but they’ll be less tired and less neurochemically depleted after doing it.

Daydreaming also takes less energy than multi-tasking. And the natural intuitive see-saw between focusing and daydreaming helps to re calibrate and restore the brain.

Multi-tasking does not.

He quotes a professor at UC Irvine, Gloria Mark, who said:

Multitasking by definition disrupts the kind of sustained thought usually necessary for problem solving and for creativity.

She explains: Multi-tasking is bad for innovation. 10 1/2 minutes on one project is not enough time to think in-depth about anything. And that creative solutions often arise from allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming.

This is where the light bulb finally went off: finally a logical explanation for why it has taken me two months to write a single post!

By attending to too many different priorities, all at once, with no specific organization to my day, I’m wasting energy. I’m not allowing myself enough time to focus 100% on anything.

And by not “allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming”

My “neurological switching cost” or trade-off, has been:

Creativity

As you can imagine, I have some work to do, and will start by challenging myself to a few new goals over the next few weeks. They are:

  • Start each day by blocking out specific work hours and abide by them.
  • Check email and social media only at specific times so I’m not weaving in and out of completely different subjects, dividing my attention.
  • Unless it’s the school on the caller I.D., no answering the home phone during work hours.
  • Plan for time between transitions: Just that 20 minutes to veg out and listen to music, take a walk outside, or just do anything that clears my mind, before switching through my work/life balance wheel, to help keep the creativity alive. So by the time I do get there I can be: Present. And ready for what’s next. Instead of confused and disoriented.

This is going to be hard. Today’s work and social environment and the fact that texts and emails follow us wherever we go, make communication from all areas in our life tough to ignore.

And who knows where I’ll find space in my day for extra transition time.

But I’ll give it a whirl…

I don’t want to float through life going from pie slice-to -pie slice like clock-work, thinking this is what life-balance is all about.

If I’m not able to really enjoy where I am, or feel I’m even successful in my ability to participate, who needs balance anyway?

Do you find you have so many competing priorities swerving in and out of focus each day?

Do you have tips that help you transition through your work/life balance wheel?

Would love to hear your thoughts and stories, as you can see, I’m a work in progress!

Healthy Living

Back to School Transition isn’t just for Kids

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“Brett, starting Monday, we are going to work on getting back on your school year sleep schedule.”

I mentioned to my son last night at dinner.

“So do you mean I can’t read at night?”

“No, you can still read” I replied, “you can read, just until maybe 10.

If we wait until the first day of school to practice waking early, you’ll be miserable.”

A boy and his book...

A boy and his book…

We came home a little over a week ago, from visiting his Grandma in California.

And while you would think we would be well-accustomed to the Eastern time zone by now, it just hasn’t happened. He found two book series (Seven Wonders, (thanks to Mary for the recommendation) and the The Secrets of the Immortal Nicolas Flammel) he can’t seem to put either down. We have had to visit the Northshire Bookstore every few days this week, in search of the next book, and then the next.

What’s happening?

While we think he is going to bed around 10 pm, in reality, he has been falling asleep at 1am (light still on, book next to him), and waking around 11 the next day.

Curbing the enthusiasm of a boy who loves to read isn’t something a parent really likes to do.

And actually, since I work best in the morning, I kind of like that quiet time to get work for my job done.

No complaints of “I’m hungry”. Or “what if’s”. Or “Mom look!” every 5 minutes.

Just quiet.

This doesn’t get me a mother-of-the-year award, since deep down I love this schedule. Have actually encouraged it.

It’s really a win/win, since by the time he wakes, I’m almost done with work and ready to play.

I kept thinking, we’ll just right ourselves a week before school starts.

And so here we are, a week before school starts.

Yikes, how did that happen so fast?!

Back at the table, Brett gets visibly anxious about what’s in store for him next week.

He questions us about how early exactly he’ll need to wake up.

How much reading he’ll be able to get in.

How much time he’ll be able to play outside.

How he’ll have to go back to strict time limits on Minecraft.

And then finally, goes back to a heated debate from last year about not-enough-recess time in a school day, and how it’s

JUST. NOT. FAIR!

“You know Brett, it’s not just you who has to make changes. It’s me too”.

“I have to start waking at 6 am, to make your lunch and get you ready for the day. It has been awhile since I have done that.

And I have to go to bed earlier.

Sleep has been an issue for me lately–getting enough. So I’m a little stressed about that.”

He paused.

“I didn’t know that Mom.”

The discussion dwindles to a silence as he goes back to his dinner.

It’s kind of odd, we always think about late August/early September as the start of the school calendar, and a fresh start for kids. And January is the start for the rest of us, you know, for those New Years resolutions and goals and re-evaluating all the parts of our lives we wish to make better.

Kids don’t realize it.

And sometimes we forget it too.

The start of the school calendar is a big change for us as parents. It requires a lot of transition on our end, and can be an important time for new beginnings.

All summer, I put off promises to myself, thinking once Brett goes back to school, I’ll have more time to focus. I can’t possibly think about anything on the peripheral while:

Working.

Dealing with different camp schedules.

Traveling.

Setting up playdates.

And when we have an unscheduled week at home? It’s the two of us, not just me. I want the summer to be fun. And meaningful.

Collecting a few Chanterelle Mushrooms this week in the National Forest.

Collecting a few Chanterelle Mushrooms this week in the National Forest.

We want to be outside playing in the river.

Taking hikes and looking for insects or berries or mushrooms or creatures..

Going to museums.

Working in the garden.

I don’t want him to do chores and errands with me all day.

While I know boring stuff is a part of life he should be exposed to this somewhat, I’d like to keep it to a minimum as these activities aren’t meaningful or enriching experiences for either of us.

Brett & Me: Best Portrait from this summer...

Brett & Me: Best Portrait from this summer…at the Exploratorium in CA

I look at my to-do list and see things like:

Bring car into shop for checkup

Make sure all Doctors appointments are up-to-date and if not, call for appointments

Make sure pets aren’t due for the Vet.

Make hair-cut appointment

Start multiple home-repair projects

and then something long, long overdue:

Get together with long-lost friends I haven’t seen since early June.

Wouldn’t that be nice!

Yup, I’m waiting until August 27th. I’ll get it all done!

There are other promises I have told myself I’d deal with once school starts. They are not chores really, just personal-focus type goals that tend to slide during the summer months on the nutrition and exercise front.

After a few years of thinking about this, I know this is going to happen. None of it is unexpected, I even wrote about my lack-of-structure a few months ago, and how I’m ok with it,

Our favorite find this year: Gray Tree Frog Gilbert (named after the Familiars book series)

Our favorite find this year: Gray Tree Frog Gilbert (named after the Familiars book series)

But it’s still tough to get back in sync when the time comes.

I read it takes 21 days to build a habit–but it takes that long to lose it too, and I have definitely developed some bad ones, and lost some good ones over the last two months.

So, once school starts, I need to:

Get a handle on SLEEP (why am I waking so much every night?)

Get a handle on nutrition & quantity control (it’s not intuitive for me, that’s for sure!)

Be more focused with work by setting structured work times and work space in the house.

Blog? What blog? This summer, one post a month? I’d like to do better.

Exercise has been status quo–how can I challenge myself?

This morning, cool fall air streams through the open windows, as my husband and I pour ourselves that first cup of coffee and sit down to start the wake-up routine.  He looks out the window and sees the wind whipping through the trees.

“No, please no wind! I need some sun too.”

Out came the iPad to check the weather.

“This fall” he tells me, “I need to get going on writing and taking photos.”

So, it’s not just me.

With all the travel he has had for work these last few months, there’s a big project that needs some attention on his end too,

And he’s hoping to restart today by chasing down a Mayfly hatch or two, and hooking a few trout to photograph–something that hasn’t been so easy lately on our little back-yard river.

If the wind dies down. And the sun comes out, of course.

Let’s hope for his sake, it does.

 

The start of the school year, it’s not just a new start for the kids.

 

How does your life  and schedule get put on hold during the summer months?

What promises have you made for yourself starting this fall?

If you haven’t made any new goals, it’s a great time to start!

 

Hope you all have a great start to the new season!

.

Healthy Living

A Sweet Treat at Every Stop

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I'd trade a sugary treat for bubbles any day!

I’d trade a sugary treat for bubbles any day!

Although I do appreciate all your past support on this topic, I promise this isn’t going to be one of those posts where I launch into the tough life of being a food-allergy parent.

But, along with wanting to eat more thoughtfully for my own health, I do credit the food allergy parent experience with teaching me how to be more discriminating on the necessity of foods eaten outside the home, and outside of meal-time.

It’s helped me question whether food is really required during an activity, when it’s social, when we need it for energy-purposes, and most importantly: when it’s completely unnecessary.

This decision-making ability has rubbed off on my son too. Because he always assumed foods outside the home were unsafe for him due to his food allergy, Brett used to run away when he was offered foods while out in public places, or if he saw others around him eating.

But lately more often than not, he confidently tells the person offering”no thank you”.

Even if the person offering the food promises it is safe for him to eat.

Even if the food in question looks delicious.

Even when the food is being consumed all around him.

And even when someone keeps insisting he should want this food desperately.

Because he doesn’t take food when he’s not hungry. And he knows certain foods aren’t all that healthy.

You’d think that would be a good thing. But feedback on kids making healthy choices isn’t always well-received.

Adults are pushing treats and not-so-healthy foods at kids all day long.

We took Brett for an big allergy test a few weeks ago–one where he had to get 32 pricks in his back and one in his arm, and it was a very, long day all around.

Before we left, the receptionist says “He did great today, he deserves a nice ice cream cone!”

Brett looked at her kind of quizzically, and said “no, I don’t need that”.

Do you think for all his bravery, an ice cream cone would do the trick?

I stopped into a local country store recently for milk, and as I was paying, with Brett by my side, the gal behind the counter offered him a free Reese’s peanut butter cup.

Brett said no thanks and quickly made his way out the door and into the car, while I was left explaining to the poor lady he has a nut allergy and as she was scrambling to find something without nuts, I said, it’s ok!

He doesn’t need anything, really!

So generous. I felt bad.

I could have taken 20 minutes to lecture her on the concept of cross-contamination and food allergens, and guess 99.9% of what she had to offer, he still wouldn’t be able to eat.

But who has the time for that? Instead, I had to leave with this poor woman thinking we were ungrateful.

We weren’t; just uncomfortable to be put in that situation.

We attended an activity last fall, with arts and crafts and games for kids. And at each station they were given a lollipop.

Isn’t the fun of it the activity?

Is the lollipop supposed to provide some sort of additional fun-factor?

Completely unnecessary.

Brett could have come home with about 10 of these things, but didn’t even bother.

When I mentioned to a family member recently how proud I was of, for instance, Brett’s decision to stop putting maple syrup on his plain yogurt after seeing our friend Eve talk about cutting sugar from her family’s diet, and about how we always pack a lunch for car-rides.

He has never had fast food on the road, and never wants to even try it.

Her response?

She scoffed, saying this will just get him teased by other kids.

Kids are supposed to eat this stuff, if he doesn’t, that’s weird!

Seriously?

Is that what’s important?

 

I appreciate people being nice, I do.

And I appreciate they think my child deserves to be rewarded.

But what is it with adults, who are aware of an obesity problem in our country, but then encourage mindless eating, offering food treats and using food as rewards.

And are then hurt when we say “no thank you” to what is offered.

Or look at my son like he’s being deprived of one of the most important pleasures in life.

If we adults don’t tell kids eating healthy is weird, they would do it more often!

I promise you. This kid eats chocolate. He eats cookies sometimes. He eats ice cream.

He is not deprived.

It’s just that food, in my book, should be well-thought out and well-timed.

And typically that doesn’t include eating at every stop, and as a reward for a good or bad day, because we have those all the time.

If you want to engage children at an activity or a store or school, or any public place, please don’t use food as bait.

The activity should be fun, and speak for itself.

I love going to our dentist office, where as a reward for sitting relatively stable in a chair for an hour with his mouth open, he gets to make a selection from the big wicker basket.

And usually comes out with a super-ball.

Or a little container of bubbles.

Bubbles, what an amazing gift! Kids, no matter the age, all love bubbles.

I love our pediatricians office, who has something similar–last time Brett emerged with some gooey object that when thrown, sticks to walls and windows.

I love when we went to a farmers market once, we saw a woman who weaves baskets, and when Brett seemed interested in it, she sent him off with a few pieces of straw to weave together, and told him to come back and show her what he made.

He was so excited!

Most of this stuff doesn’t hold his attention for more than a day. But at least it gets kids moving and they can’t help but get creative with them.

A food treat, and the benefits from the sugar buzz?

That doesn’t last more than a few minutes.

Food used as a reward or as a treat throughout the day is taught.

I don’t think kids would naturally gravitate towards eating this way otherwise.

Once they learn to use food as a crutch to get them through every stress-or in life, good or bad, or every activity they participate in…

Once they learn to expect treats wherever they go, regardless of whether they are hungry…

Eating constantly, for no reason will become a habit.

And will stay a habit into adulthood.

Tell me, we are all adults reading this; truthfully:

Does all that extra food really make everything in life feel better?

Or is it just that it’s our default quick-fix, because food is such an easy, relatively inexpensive treat?

We just don’t take the time to think of alternatives.

 

Every day in the news I see articles about all the problems with children today.

We adults scratch our heads and wonder why the world we set up for them seems to always contradict with what is actually proven good for them?

They don’t get enough sleep! (but we give them too much homework and activities and make them wake up early for school!)

They are too sedentary! (because they are on the computer or video game and because we don’t have time to engage them in a more vigorous activity)

They don’t see much outside time! (it’s too dangerous. Too hot. Too cold. Too scary.)

They don’t know how to play or be creative! (because we structure all their activities and never let them explore)

They can’t sit still! (because we cut their recess time, make them sit in desks most of the day, and don’t allow enough time for them to expend energy)

I’m not going to launch into all of these topics today although you can probably tell they ALL bug me on many levels.

So many of them are beyond what I can do, as one parent.

But how about this one?

Our children are all eating too much and not the right stuff! (But we are not showing them the right way by example).

I just saw this particular article the other day, one of many on childhood obesity, and it is actually what inspired me to write about this topic: U.S. Kids may have stopped getting fatter.

The article explains the obesity rate of kids has held firm at 18%.

But then the author further explains while overall the rate has hit a plateau, it’s a very high one. And you need to look even deeper in the numbers: when we take waist size and height into account, 33% of kids 6-18 were considered abdominally obese.

Abdominal obesity is what leads to most health complications.

It’s not good for kids. And it’s terrible for us as adults.

As parents, and members of a community, we can take this problem into our own hands.

Let’s stop encouraging mindless eating now.

Let’s stop using food as an activity to bait kids and their parents.

Let’s stop teaching kids that food treats are the best rewards.

Because we all know it’s not true.

And we can do better.

Let’s stop making kids think they are weird for eating healthy.

And find a more thoughtful approach to enriching their daily activities and experiences.

What do you think? Are you deluged with treats and foods wherever you go? Do you have a tough time saying no, for you and your kids? Would love to hear your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading and sharing!

Healthy Living

Where Food Labels Fall Short

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WP_20140401_002-001I was just minding my own business Friday, working through my many goals for the day.

A few conference calls and some data-geek excel work in the morning when I look up at the clock and realize I didn’t have much time left before having to get my son from school.

Better get that workout in and take a quick shower.

As I was getting changed, the phone rang. I glance at the caller I.D.

The school.

My heart does a little leap. It’s after lunch.

I don’t like calls from the school around lunch time.

Most of you probably wouldn’t be spooked by this. But if you have a kid with a food allergy, this isn’t what you want to see.

It is Mandy, the school nurse and she immediately says Brett is fine. She thinks. But she explained he had started coughing and wheezing, to the point where it was definitely not normal. His teacher brought him down to see her immediately.

He’s allergic to nuts, could this be a reaction?

Most parents would think, so what? He’s coughing, right? Maybe it’s seasonal allergies, or dust in the air or from the heaters. Wheezing? Ok, he does that every once in a while but not often. We talk about what he had for lunch: basically all foods we eat every day at home, hummus, homemade tortilla, apple, and a few chips. I packed the lunch.

Were the chips a new bag?

Could any of it have been contaminated with nuts?

Not that we know of, but honestly, who knows?

Those Kettle Brand chips. The website says there are no nuts in the facility. But there’s no allergen information on the package.

The Pita Crisps say Contains Wheat. But there isn’t any more information about production on the label. On the website, it says under the FAQ’s there are no nuts in the facility.

hmm? guess I need to call...

hmm? guess I need to call…there are no nuts in the facility, under the FAQ’s.

I have been using King Arthur Flour and contacted them a few years back and they said their facility was free of peanuts. But their package and website? I can’t find any information.

He’s eaten these foods hundreds of times.

I spend sometimes hours of each week reading food nutrition labels to ensure I only purchase safe foods, with no possibility of cross-contamination to nuts.

Sometimes the foods are labelled. Sometimes they aren’t.

When the information is not clearly on the label, I check the company website, or send an email to customer service and hope the person at the receiving end of my inquiry has accurate information about the possibly of cross-contamination of the allergen in question.

And you hope the second after you call the company, they don’t move production facilities.

Or have some guy in the warehouse decide to move the product to a new facility with nuts flying around everywhere.

You have to trust what they tell you is the truth.

so it contains wheat but what else is in the facility? need to call.

so it contains wheat but what else is in the facility? need to call or check website

That day I highly doubted he ate any nuts.

Brett usually sneezes when he smells nuts, he doesn’t cough. Then again, one of the most annoying aspects of a nut allergy is that you can’t predict the same results from one reaction to another–they always change.

But when it’s not in writing, on the back of the box or bag, I start to second guess myself:

When was the last time I checked the

love that there is no sugar, but no allergen or facility info at all. Requires research.

love that there is no sugar, but no allergen or facility info at all. Requires research.

website?

Where is that email I received, I know I sent it awhile back…

What if something changed and I didn’t know about it?

What if I poisoned my son?

But if you are wrong and you do nothing, not administering an epi-pen can be a life-threatening decision.

We ultimately decided I’d bring in his inhaler, ASAP.

I hang up the phone, drop my workout gear, grab his inhaler, and drive straight to the school.

By the time I arrive about 10 minutes later, he was calm.

Oh, hey mom!

In the time it took for me to drive to the school, Mandy said she and Brett talked through what would happen if he wasn’t feeling better in the next minute or two. How she would use the epi-pen, and how he would have to sit calmly for 10 seconds with the needle in his leg.

She said he was calm, and understood what he needed to do.

And it was kind of like an emergency dry run.

So maybe some good came of the situation?

We were pretty sure at that point he was ok, so he left and went back to the class a few minutes later.

While we sat staring at each other for a moment, in relief.

This whole food allergy thing, it’s frustrating.

Sometimes you have to make judgement calls. It’s not a black and white situation.

As I think about Friday’s events in hindsight, I wonder how to minimize confusion for the next time this happens.

And the answer lies right there on the Food Labels.

Wouldn’t it have been great if I could have said to Mandy, there is absolutely ZERO chance there was cross-contamination in the food he was eating? If he indeed was in a room with no nuts and other kids who weren’t eating nuts, we would know this was indeed Asthma and an inhaler would do the trick.

The worry over an epi-pen would never have come to question.

I’m sure some other food allergy parents might say, well, you should just err on the side of caution and administer it anyway. But here’s the thing: if you administer it, you need to get an ambulance and bring him to the hospital to be monitored. If we know food allergy is not in question 100%, that sounds traumatizing to everyone: for Brett, for me, for Mandy, for the other teachers and students. And it’s also not necessary.

So let’s talk about the food label.

perfect! why can't they all be like this?

perfect! why can’t they all be like this?

Did you know it’s not mandatory to put “made in a facility with xxxxx (top allergens)” on the label? It’s voluntary.

And it’s not mandatory to include “made on the same equipment as xxx (allergen)” either . It’s voluntary.

But when foods have been tested for allergens, they found a definite cross contamination risk in foods that do not list the allergen in the ingredients, but are produced alongside or on the same lines as the allergen in question.

Why is this wording not mandatory?

I’m guessing you all heard about Michelle Obama unveiling proposed changes to packaged food labels. It has been in the news everywhere over the last few weeks.

I actually love what she is doing.

I really appreciate that calories are going to be emphasized.

That serving sizes are going to be right-sized.

And that sugar/added sugar is being highlighted, because I do look at that.

I also think adding a line listing the amount of Vitamin D will be helpful because where I live, everyone needs to maximize Vitamin D.

But what disappointed me when I read about the proposed changes?

WP_20140401_001

excellent!

There was no mention of fixing the allergen labeling.

I wonder, after reading last fall about Malia Obama’s peanut allergy, who gets this fun job at the White House of having to read labels, check websites, and determine what is safe for Malia.

Knowing first-hand how tough this is, you just wonder why they didn’t take this opportunity to make changes.

What is their protocol?

Certain brands, usually the more expensive, all natural brands, include these warning labels. And I’m so thankful to them (yes you, Mary’s Gone Crackers, Enjoy Life, Lucy’s, Dr. Kracker). But most of what you see in the grocery store is not clearly labelled. It may tell part of the story, but not typically the full one.  So it involves a call from a parent or the allergic-person to learn the full story of the products production cycle.

And when you have to rely on a person at the end of the customer service phone for life and death information, it’s not very reassuring.

And as I mentioned earlier, what if their current practices change tomorrow?

Why is clear allergen labeling not a priority?

As I was reading about the proposed new nutrition labels, an article in the Atlantic states, according to FDA’s Health and Diet Surveys,

The number of people who “often” read the nutrition label the first time they buy food increased from 44 percent in 2002 to 54 percent in 2008.

And that’s awesome–I’m glad more people are getting smart about reading the nutrition labels, but who knows if those reading it will actually change their behavior because of it. If someone picks up a box of twinkies do you really think they care how much sugar is in it? As much as you hope so, I think these changes will just be preaching to the choir, great for people like me who are used to reading them and who are already health conscious.

And perhaps those who hear about the proposed changes to the label in the media recently will be curious to take a look.

But when chain restaurants started putting calorie counts on their menus, it sounds like not too many people really paid attention to them. If you walk into McDonald’s in the first place, do you care about calorie counts and nutrition? At least for that particular meal, probably not. At other chain restaurants, effectiveness will vary because people have varying degrees of concern over the foods they eat, or how much they will listen to advice.

But here’s the thing. If you are highly-allergic to something,

100% of the people will be reading the label; their life depends on it.

So how about making it mandatory to add clear allergen information on the labels?

So there isn’t so much uncertainty.

This will help ease the anxiety of 100% of food allergic folks, and food allergy parents.

And school nurses and teachers and caregivers and friends and relatives.

When a person with a food allergy coughs, we don’t have to worry about traumatizing kids and parents and teachers with unnecessary talk of needles and ambulances. or life or death decisions.

Because we know for a fact, by looking at the label, there is no worry of cross-contamination.

We will know, a cough is just a cough.

A few puffs of an inhaler will do the trick.

Let’s have a Nutrition label that keeps all of us safe.

From added sugar.

From too many calories.

From unrealistic portion sizes.

It’s all important.

But how about keeping us safe from allergens too.

By enforcing companies to put it all in writing on the label.

What do you think of the Food Nutrition Label. Does it suit your needs? Is there anything you feel is missing? Would love to hear your thoughts. 

Motivation, Uncategorized

Mourning the end of a Chapter

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Last week, I was driving along VT Route 30 towards my house, like I do multiple times every day.

One would think I was engrossed in whatever informative topic was on Vermont Edition that day, as loud voices were blaring through the stereo speakers. I’d bet you could hear it clearly from outside the car.

The sound reached my ears; but not one detail seemed to register.

Instead my mind was preoccupied with a jumble of incoherent thoughts. When at one point, out of nowhere, I snapped. Tears welled up in my eyes, and streamed down my cheeks, as they are now while I write this post, remembering the exact moment in the car when the meaning of those jumbled thoughts finally came to light.

the road to realization...

the road to realization…

I had started to reminisce in my mind about my current life, like it was already gone.

Why I did this?

It all stemmed from a decision made a few weeks ago.

A decision I thought was an easy, no-brainer, positive decision, because it is something I’m excited about, and ready for:

To go back to work part-time.

But what struck me while I was driving just then is that:

One very important chapter in my life ended: The stay-at-home mom years

And another chapter has just begun…

I thought I was a strong person; this weird feeling I couldn’t seem to shake last week took me by surprise because my whole life has been all about change. I have moved multiple times, held many jobs. Met so many different people. I thought I was the queen of coping strategies. Always just fine in the end.

But what’s clear to me now?

Transitions are hard for all of us, at any age.

I don’t recall ever thinking about my life as a book. And each major change, a chapter.

But that day in the car, thoughts moved from the excitement of starting a new challenge, to the fact that this chunk of time I had home with my son, fully dedicated to him, is now over.

And I’m a bit in mourning.

These past few years were certainly not perfect.  It was hard actually. There are so many good things about being there for your kids all the time. But for someone like me, who had always been career-minded, in control, and aware of my strengths, parenting full-time has this sneaky way of zapping any level of confidence you ever thought you had.

Strangely enough, while I never thought about my own life in chapters,  I have always looked at my mother’s life this way, and that has given me hope throughout my stay-at-home years, because she has gone through many reinventions. I have watched her morph before my eyes from a stay-at-home mom, to a student going back to get her MBA, and then to a computer sales-woman in the early 80s, selling beastly-large systems in a mostly male-dominated industry. She owned a retail business when we lived in the Newport RI area, and then became a whiz in the technology field in Silicon Valley. And just last month, she retired, and who knows what the next chapter will bring for her, no doubt there will be more.

Whenever I felt down about my worth, or productivity, or satisfaction at this stage of my life, as a woman, home with her child, reflecting back on my mom’s evolution through the years taught me:

Life today is not what it’ll be forever.

There’s still a long way to go.

Perhaps finally having the ability to visualize these chapters for myself is a sign of aging long enough to see when life patterns emerge, and also, visualize them in hindsight.

I started writing last year, because I love communicating with all of you on challenging topics, and this has been an amazing creative outlet, and has also helped combat the lack-of-positive feedback I sometimes feel when parenting, or managing the household. Making the commitment to write has also been instrumental in gearing me up for schedules and deadlines again, because I knew the day would come soon, where I would want to baby-step back into a career.

And so when I was offered this new opportunity, one I know will allow me to use some now-dormant talents but on a part-time schedule, I barely hesitated to sign that contract. I am ready to get those brain muscles working again, restore confidence I once had, but most importantly, make these positive changes without abandoning the much more balanced life I have now, or my hands-on parenting style in the process.

Is that too much to ask? I’m not sure…

This decision to return to work part-time will be a good one in the long run. It’s just a little bittersweet.

I have to think more about prioritizing everything that’s important; this will be the hardest part.

I’m scared as I think about my life now, and how it has evolved over the last few years. I hardly recognize the old me, the full-time career mom. I was so out-of-balance then, only concerned with my son and work. Today, my world has expanded. Along with family obligations and career aspirations, I have hobbies, I have likes and dislikes, and non-work issues that are so important to me.

I now also know it’s essential to look after myself; a priority that wasn’t even on my radar back then.

Regressing back is not an option.

As a perfectionist, with the desire to be great at everything I do. I worry, with one more priority in the mix:

What if I can never be great at anything…will I need to settle for just being good?

I want to be a great, present mom. One who is patient, and actively participates in activities.

a recent selfie of my buddy and me...

a recent selfie of my buddy and me…

I want to be a committed spouse, who is not just one/half of a parenting tag-team, we need to be supportive to each other as individuals, and as a couple.

I need to continue taking care of myself. You better believe I won’t be slacking off with exercise, or eating well.

I love to write, think about health, and motivate others. Will I still have the time?

and now…

I have to figure out how to do great in my new job.

Sounds like I’ll need to make some amendments to those goals I set earlier this year,  take inventory as I go, and decide what stays, what might go, and where I need to manage my time more efficiently.

Those watercolor classes I took last month were so fun, but I’ll have to hold off for now.

Perhaps I won’t learn Spanish this year.

Maybe my blog posts will be shorter and less frequent. I hope not, but it’s an option.

What about volunteering at the school? That’s so important too.

Will have to see how it all goes…

I was talking to my friend Tienne at Silverleaf Journal about this new challenge a few weeks ago, when she alerted me to the fact that I’m going to be living the dream of most women.

Really? I had no idea.

According to a Pew Research poll, most working mothers today wish they could work part-time.

But sadly, 74%  of moms who work outside the home hold full-time jobs instead; only 26%  are able to get their wish and work part-time, because the opportunities are just not there for them.

So I will consider myself lucky.

While I may still be in mourning over the abrupt end of the most significant chapter of my life so far.

And deep in thought about the changes I need to make.

I’m hopeful I can make it all work.

I’ll still strive to be great at whatever I choose to focus on; not just good.

As I turn the page and begin this next new chapter…

How do you handle your work life balance? Do you work full-time, part-time?

Or are you at home, but seeking something more? What options do you think are ideal?

Here is some additional research on work/life/mom balance I found useful, you might too:

http://www.workingmother.com/research-institute/what-moms-choose-working-mother-report

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/

http://cognoscenti.wbur.org/2013/04/02/lean-in-carey-goldberg

Healthy Living, Motivation

School Vacation Routine for Parents

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WP_20140220_038-001I went about planning this vacation all wrong.

I assumed just because it was my son’s school vacation, it was mine too.

We originally planned to meet my mother in Arizona during February break, but I had a talk with Brett a few weeks ago, when I would have had to purchase the tickets, and he said he’d rather stay home.

Winter airline travel is no picnic, and it’s expensive. I also know how much Brett likes to be home, and treasures days he does not have to rush out the door, so I said I didn’t mind. We can stay home and relax.

I had visions of day trips to nearby museums. Enjoying time outside in the snow…

But our story most likely resembles yours. It has snowed almost every day and temperatures until yesterday have been frigid. The roads have been a slippery mess and driving has been unsafe.

Nearby museums require at least an hour drive, more like two, on small windy roads.

So we have been house-bound for most of the week. And while my tolerance for enduring cold is decent, Brett’s, no matter how beautiful the snow, isn’t as robust.

If I could include a soundtrack to our most picture-perfect outdoor activities, you would hear:

ahh, the happy photo...but then...see below:

the happy photo, but then:

“Mom, my snowshoe keeps falling off”

“Mom, I put my hand in the river and now my glove is too wet”

“Mom, when do you think you want to go inside?”

He does try. But as a parent, it helps when you are both excited about an activity, not always having to force it. My patience for playing the part of the cheer-leader for our party-of-two, is wearing thin.

So while having to make the best of Plan B each day this week, at least the evenings have been fun. Like so many others, as soon as the child hits the sheets, the husband and I have been greedily binge-watching Season 2 of

it fell off again??!

it fell off again??! Can we go inside?

House of Cards.

Sometimes we’ll watch two, sometimes 3 each night.

I can stay up late, right? I don’t have to get up early, it’s vacation week!

Just like everything else I planned during this vacation so far, it sounded good in theory, but in reality?

Not what I envisioned.

Brett’s internal clock is about as accurate as the atomic clock, as he has been waking up before 7 each morning, as if for school, and because it’s abnormal for me not to be up before him, he heads straight up to our room looking for us.

This is great for my husband, because he should be up by now anyway, getting ready for work.

But me? I need a little more sleep.

I have been cranky and uninspired. And taking it out on Brett.

It took me until Thursday morning of this week, to finally remember a rule I set for myself last year, and adhere to every school day. But I forgot, I need to stick with the rule on vacation days too.

Whenever I see topics in the news about school vacations, it’s always about the big issues. Like: what do parents do with kids over vacation when they have to go to work? Or about how expensive it is to actually travel during vacation. You also hear about how kids are off routine on vacations, and then have a tough time transitioning when it’s time to go back. Sometimes there are debates about whether we should have so many school vacations at all.

But what isn’t often covered?  I’ll break the silence as so many parents are hesitant to admit they are struggling.

When kids are on vacation, how does this affect us?

The parents.

Not just with scrambling the work/daycare/camp logistics, but how do we, as parents, stay sane when our routine is compromised?

Yes, we all know we need basic requirements, like food, air, clothing, electricity, shower, etc.

But there are other important needs we all have too.  Here’s what I know about myself as I start each day:

I need time to myself.

I need a strong cup of Peet’s coffee or two.

I like to read the news and do a little writing to wake up my brain.

If someone interrupts me, or tries to ask me questions before I’m suitably ready to receive outside input: I’m impatient. I snap at them. I’m defensive.

If I start the day like this, usually my motivation and creativity that day are compromised.

So, that rule I mentioned earlier, the one I set for myself on regular school days?

It’s that I force myself to wake up at 6 am, before everyone else. I have this time to myself, to think, to write, to wake up, before waking Brett at 6:40.

When he sees me? Shiny, happy, mom.

This vacation week? I should have known better than to think I could stay up late and sleep in. It just doesn’t happen, and that’s why I haven’t really been at my best.

I have a few other non-morning, non-parental requirements that will cause me angst, and you won’t want to be around me if they are compromised including:

45 minutes to an hour of exercise

Time to talk with my husband (or at least watch a mindless show or two with him), uninterrupted each night

15-20 minutes of reading time.

And that’s it, I don’t ask for much. But at least have these needs identified, and am telling the world.

We spend so much time pleasing friends and kids and spouses, and learning what makes them tick.

But it’s so important to stop and take time to identify what you need.

What makes you happy?

What makes you irritable, or stressed?

How can you organize your day so you have the best chance of having a good one?

And remember, once you identify them, try not to take a vacation from them, unless you want to learn once again, like I did, how necessary they really are.

Last night, my husband was bummed because I declined one night of House of Cards and went to bed early. This morning, I woke up at 6 a.m. and had my coffee in peace.

And managed to get a few words written.

And was happy to see Brett when he woke up early.

This post is a little shorter than most, but you’ll have to forgive me,

I’ll adhere to my routine for the rest of the week, but my kid is still on February break, and it’s not snowing.

We may actually make it out of the house today…

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I hope if your kids are on break this week or next, this will be a reminder to you to look out for yourself.

Do you have other suggestions on how to stay sane while home with kids on vacation? Or if not with kids, how you deal with lack of routine on vacations and breaks in general?

Healthy Living, Motivation

My Year in Writing: 7 Lessons Learned

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winterriver

A year ago this week, on a snowy morning, similar to today, I nervously hit the “publish” button for the first time and shared my first blog post.

I had been writing for a few years, but my readers were a select, extremely supportive group of like-minded folks who were into talking about health. That to me was safe; everyone was always encouraging.

But opening up to people I do know? What would that be like? You have to think:

What do I want people to know about me?

How personal should I get?

What if people hate my writing?

Or disagree with me?

Or think I’m weird because the subjects I bring up like health, exercise, foods, parenting and self-image, are often unsettling.

Or what if they just don’t care at all?

But last year I was on this goal-oriented kick. I wanted to do something more challenging. And scary. My father died a few years ago, and I missed hearing his ever-reasonable advice. And so thinking about the one phrase he used to throw at me all my life, I decided writing and sharing my ideas, struggles and insecurities with friends, neighbors and family members, would be character-building. And I should just do it.

So here I am, a year later, wondering:

how the heck do you even measure character?

I’ll elaborate instead on what I think I have learned from the year, and we’ll circle back to that later…

Learning #1: Writing identifies concerns; keeps them top of mind. Sharing holds me accountable.

Are you the kind of person who loves a good challenge? Who tackles big problems head-on?

My husband is a bit like that. He’ll buy every book or relentlessly search the web until he finds answers and then develops a plan of attack.

Unfortunately, that’s not me. I’m an avoider of problems. If I identify one, I’ll think about it for a few minutes and then promptly put it out of my mind for another day. And often that day never comes.

But when you write it down, it’s different.

My biggest concerns seem to be ones that have no answer. They involve a constant balance. Thinking and re-thinking. And the recipe for success isn’t always apparent. Sometimes you think you find an answer, and then it changes on you.

How do I stay healthy over time? What if I’m bored with exercise and don’t want to do it. What if my kid is driving me nuts?What about adding back a career, how will I do this without losing myself in the process? How do I not gain weight on vacation when I want to eat everything in sight? How can I be there for my child when he needs me? How can I be happy with myself, and how I look, as I age?

See? All tough questions. But if I look back on a post where I made public resolutions. Or if my sister-in-law calls and asks about my latest fitness slump. Or if my friend stops me in the school parking lot and mentions she’s going through the same issue about too much sugar and too little activity with kids, and let’s talk. It all helps keep me on plan, and holds me accountable.

Learning #2: My motivation for fitness appears to be seasonal.

I make room for formal exercise each day, but there’s a big difference between being excited about it, and just going through the motions. As I look back throughout the past year, I can see a trend vividly in my writing. Every spring and fall, because I’d rather be outside, doing what I love best: hiking, taking photos, foraging for mushrooms, hanging around in the river and just enjoying the scenery, I start to resent strength training.

I did some research on exercise and seasonality and learned that athletes have on-seasons and off-seasons, as well as different expectations about their fitness level during each season: they have an in-training weight, and an off-season weight. And this varies sometimes by 5-15 lbs!

My take-away? I need to think like an athlete and just go with the rhythm of what I want do each season, and not worry that I’ll be losing a little strength. Going outside gives me a mental break, and that’s important And, like an athlete, I’ll just pick it up the tougher workouts again during an official training time.

I wouldn’t have identified this issue at all if I hadn’t written about it.  I know this will be tough, to adopt a new mindset, but am grateful I was able to at least identify the problem and work to resolve it as I think about the upcoming spring season. Alleviating the angst will be welcome!

Learning #3: Parenting challenges often intersect with my own, and help me grow as a result.  

I was hesitant to write about parenting concerns because I thought they were off-topic. But what I realize now is that we can’t be one-dimensional. No man or woman is. We can’t just think about work. Or health. Or our kids, in silos.

They all intersect and our needs are stronger at different times of the year, to deal with the challenges of all of them. I have found often when I work out parenting-issues I end up drawing conclusions on my own concerns in the process.

For example:

When I was struck by Brett’s sugar problem in school, it made me re-think my own foods and the activity I get throughout the day. His peanut allergy keeps us reading labels and although is a terrible problem to have, it has helped us choose healthier foods in the process. Brett’s inability to sit still and his solution, helped me find one of my own when I realized I had been sitting too much.

I could go on and on about this one! We adults, we are just big kids, and have similar concerns. It took writing about them to see this more clearly.

Learning #4: I have inspired my family. Maybe some friends too…

I’m sure a few of you have tried to have conversations with a spouse or other family member about eating well. Or starting to exercise. But nobody will ever make the effort until they determine it’s a priority for themselves.

I know this to be the case because I was like this. And I have attempted to encourage others who are not remotely interested. I have since learned my lesson and will not even discuss health topics unless they bring it up first.

Instead, I have been leading by example, building a fitness habit and thinking critically about every food that makes it into our kitchen. It has taken awhile, but my husband is fully on-board. I think his positive-health check and encouragement from his doctor a few weeks ago really helped too. It’s almost like a race now, he’s started the year in full force: making time to workout most days, even if he only has a few minutes. The biggest surprise has been his pro-active research on super-foods, and introducing them into our kitchen.

Using what I have learned in Spark, by John Ratey,  and Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, I have been talking to my son about the importance of moving and exercise and spending time outside. These conversations, and reinforcement on the same subject in his health class in school is helping him pro-actively seek movement when he needs it and he is having fewer focus problems in school.

As for friends, I hope the topics discussed here have helped inspire you in some way too!

Learning #5: Personal stories are best, and sharing gets easier over time

As a writer, I’m a reader, and a consumer of many different types of media, from news, articles, other blogs, magazines and books.

There are way too many articles I click open, and the message falls flat. As a reader, I’m not engaged. Someone is speaking at me, giving advice, but they aren’t actually with me. They don’t seem to get it.

I hope whatever I write is something others can relate to, and have found the more personal my stories are, the more personal and amazing the discussions surrounding the topic. 

Once another blogger friend mentioned she gets lots of comments like “great post!” or “nice!”. While any feedback is great, I am so thankful I’m generally blown away by some of the responses, details and sharing I get from readers, and thank each and everyone of you for adding to the discussion. As much as I like telling stories, I love hearing yours too, and your experiences, solutions and the open dialog can help all of us.

Now, I don’t hesitate as much before I press that publish button. I have learned, you never know who your writing will touch, so you might as well just say it!

Learning #6: The community I have met through writing has been essential.

I had no idea when I started writing how many amazing people I would meet.

And that these people, some in other countries, some who I have never met in person, but talk at length to about similar concerns, have been essential to my life.

I learned a few years ago health is a touchy subject. Most people don’t like to talk about it, so I would keep concerns to myself. Finding a community of awesome folks like Maggie and Marlene, and Chris and Tina, Jess and Lara, and Carolyn, Angie and Tienne, oh my this is getting long, but I could go on and on and on….

They have all been essential to my thought-process, and a pleasure to know.

I’m excited in year 2 to build more of a community and add to the experience.

Learning #7: Good Health is an enabler.

Health is not something I want to think about all day long.

One of my biggest challenges with exercise has been determining that point where I can get the most, best overall fitness in the least amount of time.

And of course I want to eat well, but not too much. And we all love foods that aren’t great for us. Where do splurges fit in?

As much as people like to think staying healthy is intuitive, I don’t think it is. As we get older, our bodies do slow down. We need to adjust what we eat and how much activity we get. That in itself is easier said than done, bench-marking what we need appears to be a moving target!

Good mental health helps too. How can I be a good parent if I’m not happy with myself? If I am not participating in activities I enjoy? Or setting new goals or challenges for myself?

For once, I am not avoiding the hard topics that have no answer.

I’m writing about them. And keeping them top of mind.

And hope to set up a good system so I don’t have to think about it so much, and I can move on to just living life.

I have said many times to myself when I need a pep talk:

Good health is not a given; it’s a choice. And my choice.

Good health will enable me to fulfill all my other goals and dreams.

In my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.

Yes, I’m planning to get there, and to be independent like many of the other awesome women in my family.

After all that, what do you think, did writing help me build a little character this year?

So wish my dad was still here to live it with me, as he was one of my biggest health inspirations.

Perhaps I can’t measure it accurately, but I do think he’d say yes.

Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. What do you do to keep health top of mind? If you don’t write, do you have a creative outlet that helps you stay focused?  

Thanks again for your year of support,  reading and sharing!