Tag Archives: Women

Healthy Living

Who needs Life Balance Anyway?

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My Life as a Pie

My Life as a Pie

Life Balance.

We talk about it.

We read about it in our struggle to achieve it.

And we think about it

Way, way, way too much.

If anything in our life is off-balance.

We know it.

But if we achieve it? What would this really look like?

Would we suddenly wake up happy and fulfilled every day?

These are some questions I have been asking lately because guess what?

I think I’m there.

A few months ago I wrote about going back to work, and one of my biggest fears was that I’d be spread too thin. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything well.

Or Perfect.

And I’d just have to sit back and settle for “good enough”.

As I think back to my concerns then, and where I am now, I realize I was wise to worry, because that’s what my life is like today.

Over the last few months I have come to the conclusion I had no idea what reaching life balance even meant!

Do you?

When you think about life balance, what is your definition? 

A few months ago, I thought of it as a product of splitting my time.

Of setting priorities on what’s important to me, and checking off the to-do list each week to make sure everything is accomplished.

And by that definition, I’m a glowing sucess!

This week for example:

  • Work- Conference call and marketing plans.
  • Parenting- Drove kid back and forth to school. We chatted. Took walks. Did homework.
  • Friends– had an awesome lunch with my friend, and morning walk with another.
  • Husband–date night this week!
  • Health/ Exercise- strength training for 25-30 min. each day and an ave. of 12m steps. Sleep- 7-8 hours most nights.
  • Writing? Well no…we’ll talk about that later…
  • Volunteering. taught Four Winds science session to my son’s class.
  • Reading? Tana French’s new novel. Lord of the Rings book 3 and the new Heroes of Olympus w/family.

Hmm, anything else?

Ah yes, there are family dinners with homemade meals. Dealing with a half-dozen+ household pets and decisions related to a bathroom remodel. Laundry, cleaning….

On the surface, I really have it all! People might think:

She works! She hangs with friends! She keeps fit! She is a parent. Part of a successful marriage! Volunteers! Keeps the household afloat!

Right?

Well. No. It doesn’t seem to work that way.

Here’s what I have noticed instead:

If you see me in passing and want to chat?

Huh? Who are you again, and where am I?

I’m Jittery. Unfocused. Forgetful. Dropping things. Second-guessing decisions I have made.

If someone asks how I am, I either have nothing to say because I can’t even formulate a state of being until I have settled down a bit more, or end up in a psycho-babble that ends in random, impossible-to-follow tangents.

Caught in the middle of a transition.

Just because I’m splitting my time evenly to fit everything into a perfect little life/balance pie, it doesn’t mean spiritually, mentally, I have the ability to keep up!

This particular issue has invaded my brain for the last few months, one of the reasons I had to take a little break from writing. I didn’t plan it. I have just been too confused as to how to solve the problem, I didn’t need one more project, a set writing goal, to stratify each day even more.

And I also just learned I haven’t been allowing myself any breathing room to come up with anything remotely creative…

A few weeks ago, my husband came home from a trip with a new book: The Organized Mind, by Daniel J. Levintin. He left it on the coffee table, I’m guessing with the hope I might read it and find a way to eliminate the piles of paper and clutter so we can have an organized house.

Instead, as I flip through various chapters, it’s helping me understand this so-called “balance” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Unknowingly, I had been defining my life-balance success in terms of my ability to multi-task.

By my ability to accomplish all the priorities on my smartphone to-do list with a nice little check at the end of each day.

And that’s not helping me much. Because inside, I don’t even remotely feel like a success.

According Levintin:

Multitasking is the enemy of a focused attentional system

he says:

We can’t truly think about or attend to all these things at once, so our brains flit from one to another, each time with a neurological switching cost. The system does not function well this way.

I have been loving the fact I have flexible hours for work, and do so from home. But I have not made clear boundaries between work and home. Even when I’m not working, I’m consistently checking email to make sure I am “there” if anyone needs me.

And when I’m working, I may flit back and forth between the plumber or electrician or decisions on the bathroom. And then my mom sends another email about decisions related to a trip in June, and now it’s time to put on the parent hat and pick up Brett from school…

Levinton also states:

It takes more energy to shift your attention from task to task. It takes less energy to focus. That means that people who organize their time in a way that allows them to focus are not only going to get more done, but they’ll be less tired and less neurochemically depleted after doing it.

Daydreaming also takes less energy than multi-tasking. And the natural intuitive see-saw between focusing and daydreaming helps to re calibrate and restore the brain.

Multi-tasking does not.

He quotes a professor at UC Irvine, Gloria Mark, who said:

Multitasking by definition disrupts the kind of sustained thought usually necessary for problem solving and for creativity.

She explains: Multi-tasking is bad for innovation. 10 1/2 minutes on one project is not enough time to think in-depth about anything. And that creative solutions often arise from allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming.

This is where the light bulb finally went off: finally a logical explanation for why it has taken me two months to write a single post!

By attending to too many different priorities, all at once, with no specific organization to my day, I’m wasting energy. I’m not allowing myself enough time to focus 100% on anything.

And by not “allowing a sequence of altercations between dedicated focus and daydreaming”

My “neurological switching cost” or trade-off, has been:

Creativity

As you can imagine, I have some work to do, and will start by challenging myself to a few new goals over the next few weeks. They are:

  • Start each day by blocking out specific work hours and abide by them.
  • Check email and social media only at specific times so I’m not weaving in and out of completely different subjects, dividing my attention.
  • Unless it’s the school on the caller I.D., no answering the home phone during work hours.
  • Plan for time between transitions: Just that 20 minutes to veg out and listen to music, take a walk outside, or just do anything that clears my mind, before switching through my work/life balance wheel, to help keep the creativity alive. So by the time I do get there I can be: Present. And ready for what’s next. Instead of confused and disoriented.

This is going to be hard. Today’s work and social environment and the fact that texts and emails follow us wherever we go, make communication from all areas in our life tough to ignore.

And who knows where I’ll find space in my day for extra transition time.

But I’ll give it a whirl…

I don’t want to float through life going from pie slice-to -pie slice like clock-work, thinking this is what life-balance is all about.

If I’m not able to really enjoy where I am, or feel I’m even successful in my ability to participate, who needs balance anyway?

Do you find you have so many competing priorities swerving in and out of focus each day?

Do you have tips that help you transition through your work/life balance wheel?

Would love to hear your thoughts and stories, as you can see, I’m a work in progress!

Healthy Living, Uncategorized

My Year-end Health Report Card

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SONY DSC

It’s really great that I set doctors appointments a year in advance, because it means I won’t forget to call and make appointments.

But then, a year later, I am horrified when these appointments pop up unexpectedly on my Outlook calendar at the most aggravating times.

For some reason, all of them seem to come in a big wave at the end of the year.

And it causes me a lot of anxiety.

When I was younger, I took my good immune system for granted. I would go to an appointment and expect everything would be ok. And it was.

I remember when first out of college and well into my first career job with health benefits, laughing about the fact they really weren’t benefits at all, because I never used them.  I would go years sometimes between appointments with no repercussions. I guess I was one of those snarky kids Obama is trying to get to sign up for the new health plan to pay for the rest of us. Back then I thought I was invincible.

Never a cavity. No glasses. Normal height. Normal Weight. No broken bones. Not high-risk for anything too odd.  Normal, normal, normal…

But then a few years ago, something changed.

It’s like as soon as you turn 40, suddenly, even if healthy, you start getting the call-backs.

It started with my first call-back after a mammogram, that left me anxious for a good month, as I had to come back in for an ultrasound and then wait for results. Then for the first time in my life last year I had a call back after a Ob-Gyn visit, that resulted in a follow-up, something called a colposcopy that was pretty horrible. Even the hygienist at the Dentist’s office last year had me worried when she thought my gums looked a little blotchy.

What could that be? What am I doing wrong? Why am I falling apart? I began to wonder…

So now, in 2013, I don’t take normal for granted anymore and I’m please to say, so far so good!

I have two down already, Ob-Gyn last month, where I just received a letter in the mail saying I’m A-OK for now (happy dance!). And I just received a  thumbs up from the Dentist on Monday. Although I don’t think I did anything different this year, they told me I somehow stepped up my game.

The last reminder just popped up on the calendar when I logged in this week:  The Yearly Physical.

Typically the yearly physical is where I shine. I’m highly aware of everything I eat. I treat exercise like my career. My doctor, who likely spends all day warning people that they need to stop eating fast food and soda and start walking every day, or at least getting up from their computers once in a while, looks at me and says “don’t change a thing!”.

His only recommendation last year? Take a Vitamin D tablet, because in Vermont, we get no sun.

But the part that drives my anxiety sky high, is something you would never, ever guess.

It’s that I absolutely, positively, detest numbers.

And when I get that end of year report card from my physical, showing all my numbers–normal or not–they drive me into a highly-competitive state.

I suspect this is on account of my career as a marketer. If a number ever crosses my path, it gets swept up into a pivot table in Excel and sliced and diced 20 different ways, categorized and analyzed over time. And if there is any variation at all, I’m awake at night thinking about why, how and what if?

And the worst number of all for me is that silly one every doctor takes as soon as you walk through the door.

The one you get when you step on a scale.

Over the last two years, knowing my obsessive behavior in response to numbers, I have been working hard to rid my life of them. I had used calorie counting for a few years and stopped. At one point I micro-managed my nutrient intake (and yes, there was a way-too-detailed pivot-table involved) to ensure all my numbers were where they should be: protein, carbs, fat, sugar, sodium, etc…but eventually stopped.

And about 2 years ago, I unceremoniously relegated the bathroom scale to the downstairs closet. Because any fluctuation in my weight would make me think I need to bring back all the numbers to manage it. And I don’t want that anymore. Adopting the if-the-clothing-still-fits attitude seems to work well for me.

But when you go to the Doctors office, you can’t avoid it.

When I visited the Ob-Gyn a few months ago, although I felt slightly dumb, I asked the nurse if she would mind if I turned around so I couldn’t see the number on the scale, and asked her not to tell me. She was ok with it.  But with a yearly exam, I’m not sure that’ll work, because BMI, body mass index, your height and weight ratio, is all anyone really seems to care about. My husband actually told me yesterday they had a meeting about changes in the health insurance, and that BMI was now going to be tracked for our health plan from now on.

So the anxiety has started in anticipation of learning for a fact what I know in my mind already: that I have gained a few pounds.

Even though I know I’m ok. I’m healthy.

And that fluctuation is normal.

I’m going to have to turn on every coping skill I possess to keep this knowledge from driving me numbers-crazy once again.  But I’ll also be proud I didn’t let my appointments lapse, and that I do not take my health for granted like I used to do when I was a younger adult.

Every year now I get my health report card:  if anything does go wrong, we catch it early and then hopefully move on.

At least until next year, when I start to see those new appointments pop back up on the calendar, and the worrying cycle begins once more…

Do you find Doctors appointments make you anxious? Do you keep up with all your appointments now, or do you need to get better at that? Would love to hear your stories and discussion…

Uncategorized

The Fitness Blues

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When I first started this journal, my idea was this would be the place for me to work out my thoughts about staying healthy through the years.

And I wanted this to be about me as a woman; not a mom.

I didn’t want, more than anything, to be a mommy-blogger.

Not that there is anything wrong with mommy-bloggers, I read and enjoy many of them. I just thought because so many women, once they become moms, become so absorbed in being caretakers, keeping track of households, careers, kids, etc, there needs to be a place to voice our concerns. Because as often as we get swallowed into everyone else’s drama,  we too are people who matter. We need to be strong, healthy, and yes, happy too, if we are going to be good support for our families.

And if anyone cares to read what I write, if they don’t know this already about themselves, they can be reminded of this fact too.

But as I look back at my last few posts, actually most of them from this summer on, would put me in that mommy category. Parenting issues have invaded my brain. And as much as I would like to mull-over interesting  issues and health trends, I often become interrupted.

Hmmm, should I continue to pursue intermittent fasting? I read it’s really healthy and helps you ward off disease, but after trying it for a few months, I need to re-evaluate…

Oh, time to pick up my son from school….

I need to find a local veggie source for the winter, need to research all the options.

Are you going to town today, can you pick up prescriptions at the drug-store?

My friend Maggie told me about this company, 23andme, about how you can get genetic testing for your family and find out if you are prone to Alzheimer’s and other diseases? Can you imagine doing that? Would I ever consider it?

Hey, get off the computer, you have been playing Minecraft way too long…

I need to reschedule that yearly exam I cancelled last month…

Actually, Brett needs his well-check too, I’ll schedule that first.

I’m unmotivated right now and need to create a new exercise program before I build a new habit of laziness, what should I do?

Don’t forget, come early for the Halloween Parade at school today!

Where does the time go!

Often as soon as these questions come to mind, I’m forced to come down from the clouds, back to the school, back to the doctor’s office, back to finishing the last Harry Potter book with my son. Back to helping him do his homework, and lecturing him about the need for balance with screen time.

And these questions are forgotten for weeks, unresolved, until I bring them up again and start the same cycle of putting them off, putting them off…

Oh yeah, and did you know, we are out of toilet paper too? 

Argh! The indignity of it all…

I just want to concentrate for just a few minutes…my health and sanity are at stake!

There isn’t typically an immediate downside to putting off finding answers to some of my health questions.  But one of them has finally become a problem.

It’s that one about about needing to find a new exercise program. Because I’m in a big slump. Completely unmotivated.

I’m one of those people who does well with a planned exercise program. I need a schedule telling me what to do each day. If I have a schedule, no questions asked, like it or not, busy or not… it gets done. And for the last few years, I had been happily switching off between a few programs (P90x and ChaLean Extreme) where I have three days of using weights, and then the rest of the days I have a mix of outside walks, hikes or some variety of strength training and yoga.

But last month as I reached the end of my most current program schedule, as much as I love them both, I couldn’t bear to continue. The workouts were getting redundant; I have done each of them, in 3-month intervals, 3x.

So I decided to be unscheduled for a few weeks, to think over what to do next.

Each time I tried to take the time to research something new, I was disappointed. First of all, if you try enough of these programs, they all start to seem similar after awhile and it’s just hard to choose. I think, but if it’s so similar, why don’t I just do another round of what I have already?

But I don’t want to do another round. I’m bored.

Decision, interrupted. 

I began to take hikes up in the woods behind my house every day. October is so amazing in Vermont, I need to enjoy it.

The view at the top of my October hikes…

These hikes were challenging, and a welcome change from scheduled weight lifting.  And when your mind drifts a million miles away in parent-land, just feeling that air. Seeing the colors. The different trees. The feeling I get when I reach the top of the little mountain and look out at our cute little rural valley, it’s intoxicating.

But the beauty doesn’t last too long. As I look out the window today, and see the leaves almost all down from the trees. The wind is whipping, and it’s pouring out. And the need to answer my question about what next comes back to the forefront, because I’m not going out there…

I have read it takes 21 days to build a habit.

And after my wonderful month off, mindlessly rambling in the woods, I realize I took a few days too many. I lost my good habit. The one where I’m all for the challenge of one armed push-ups, army crawls, vertical jumps, chin-ups, right angle poses and hip openers, and heavy weights.

Instead I am left with the new habit of just wanting to move around mindlessly, not having to think too much, or work too hard. When I’m particularly unmotivated and it’s cold out, I even started strapping on the headphones, grabbing my kindle fire and streaming Orange is the New Black on Netflix, while mindlessly moving my legs on the elliptical.

When I’m done, I don’t even remember working out. It just isn’t all that satisfying.

This IS really good exercise. I know you are all thinking that.

But I won’t be hiking or walking much in the winter. And I’ll be bored if I am on the elliptical more than once or twice a week.

When you are in a slump, the first bit of advice a fitness expert is going to tell you is that you need to mix it up. Well, I’m trying. I agree with that advice.

But here’s the problem I’m starting to see. I need to stay motivated not just for 3 months or a year, or two years, I need to stay motivated to workout for LIFE. I have been in-tune with my health, making sure it is always a priority, for about 5 years, and I’m in this slump already.

What happens in 10 years? Or 20?

How am I going to keep mixing it up FOREVER?

Another bit of advice I hear from fitness experts, and try to add to the equation to pick me out of this slump, is that I need to set goals.  And I totally agree! I set goals all the time. But here’s the challenge. It’s all fun when someone wants to lose weight. Hooray, I lost 10 lbs! Or 50 lbs. I have reached my goal!  That’s so motivating!  But what happens when you are the same size for a long time. And you just need to stay there?

And then when you first start working out you can set goals like: I want to run a 5K, or a half-marathon. Or I want to increase my weights. Or I want to lose 2 inches off my waist. And you have reached these goals already. What’s next?

Keep going?

Make the challenges harder?

How long can I keep this up?

Do I want to keep this up?

And is it safe? Injury is not an option.

Thinking about how I might respond to these questions, about how far I really need to go with these never-ending goals to stay motivated, I am reminded of a phrase from one of my favorite workout videos, where Chalene Johnson tells us assuredly:

You are an athlete now!

Me, an athlete?

Because I show up every day and work hard at fitness? Hmmm…

I’m flattered by the idea, I hadn’t thought to categorize myself this way.  But it worries me too, because the more I get swept up in setting and achieving new goals, quantifying progress, looking at exercise as a sport, a competition or a job, or thinking about me, an athlete, the harder it is to ever feel like I am succeeding.

I don’t want to continue keeping score.

How do I show progress, without being so into it?

Without having to quantify every bite, every weight, every personal best?

I don’t want to think like an athlete…or a professional. I can’t lift more than I am already. Get more fit than I am already, unless I make a decision to take it a step further…

And I don’t need that.

I am after all, just a mom.

Decision on how to proceed?

Interrupted, once again, for now…

What types of tactics do you use to help get you back into the right frame of mind to stay motivated? Do you feel the need to continually one-up your goals? Or do you just not think about it?

I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

What do you see?

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it's not about perfect hair and smile, it's about where I have been

I moved to Vermont when I was 26.

At that time, all decisions were motivated by work, and this was my 3rd career and location move in 5 years.

My mother remarked a few times she thought I was smart to experience what it’s like to make my own decisions, to be on my own and independent as an adult. She and my father were married towards the end of college, as was the trend at the time for women. She went straight from her parents house, to college, to living with my father and having children soon-after.  My parents had a successful marriage and she was happy, but she did acknowledge to me more than once, she wished she, as a woman, had that opportunity to live as a young adult on her own.

To experience her career on her own.

To date as an adult.

That actually cracked me up at the time, my mom date? But I now get what she was saying 100%.  What I experienced during those years, on all levels, was invaluable and had I not learned what I did then about life, love, coping, independence,  I think my subsequent choices would have been bad.

Really bad.

I eventually made my life in Vermont more permanent.  I moved again within the state about 4 years later, changed jobs, and lived with my then-boyfriend, now husband. One day around this time, during a quick stop to a clothing store I bumped into a former co-worker, a grandmotherly woman, with long gray hair piled loosely in a bun and big round glasses worn down towards the tip of her nose. I met this woman in my first few weeks at the office, and we had a nice rapport, but we hadn’t seen each other since. Peering down through her glasses, she looked at me for a little longer than what you would expect to be polite, and eventually remarked:

“You look the same. But something’s changed. Your face has a new maturity about you now.

It looks great on you.”

I just smiled; not really sure how to respond.

Do you all know that change?

The time when you cease being that carefree, happy-go-lucky young adult with no responsibilities, and then become the one with many?  I was certainly unaware I possessed this new-found maturity as it happened, but as I think back, she was right.  I recognize the same changes in a few of my younger friends who are going through it now.

And I’m wondering today, a decade or so later, if yet another new level of maturity is taking shape.

Because when I look in the mirror, I’m tempted to do a double-take, something seems different.

A few days ago I read a blog post by Nicola Joyce, a fitness writer, who shared with readers  a video she created for the What I see project.  This project, founded by Edwina Dunn, in the U.K., sets out to explore how women globally answer this question:

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Are they reading my mind?

It’s not often a message appears exactly when you need it; I’m glad this one did.

This is a simple question.  But one most of us are never asked.

And probably have no idea how to put our internal thoughts into words, although we take glances in that mirror a few times each day.

I have not shared my story with the project yet, but I am fascinated by the question and have become enchanted with the stories of others who have submitted responses to the project. Some women respond based on how they look. And some respond based on who they are as person, and all they have accomplished. Some seem truthful and searching; their stories poignant. Some sound like they are saying what they want others to hear, but whether they are being honest, or just showing bravado, we’ll never know.

And, what would I say?

Would I be superficial and talk about my flaws, and all the parts of me I wish were different?

Or would I be one of the women who looks deeper, beneath the surface of the once-sparkling blue eyes, the ones with dark circles etched with what seems like permanent black lines. Am I one who thinks about the character of me as a person, and what I really, truly have experienced over the years and have to offer?

When I’m standing in front of that mirror, I certainly want to see the character within me. The independent, career-minded one who moved to Vermont way back when, and surrounded herself with loving people, built a safe and beautiful home and family. I want to see the woman who is a caring, supportive, loving mom and wife. The one who has made good solid choices.  The one who is a good friend. A survivor of many challenges. And I want to see the woman who knows she has needs too, and makes sure those needs do not get swept aside.

But sadly, in reality, I do not usually see her.

Instead, I see the here and now, and give myself a hard time.

What’s happening with my hair today?

Do these jeans look tight?

Maybe I’m not exercising enough.

Maybe I need to get some cover-up to gloss over these dark circles…

I’m the one who ignores the fact that aging does happen after awhile. And even if it happens gracefully, I assume this reality doesn’t apply to me, so what I see reflecting back never lives up to this high expectation.

It’s funny.

The subject of character.

When I was a kid, my father’s most often used saying to my brothers and me was “it’s character building”. Whether it was the result of doing our chores, paying for our car insurance or doing our homework, whatever we had to endure, that we didn’t like, built character.

We grumbled and rolled our eyes whenever we heard it.

He would laugh.

And as usual, with time, we all knew he was right.

I know I have that character he helped me build; I just need to see it for myself. To recognize it. To put value on it.

I used to like the fact I wasn’t the spitting image of either of my parents. My eyes and skin color resemble my mothers side of the family; my disposition and height from my father. But my look was truly my own. The perfect mix.

Just the other day, I was getting a haircut. With hair wet and slicked back, sitting in front of the mirror at the salon, I looked at myself, realizing for the first time I’m seeing more and more of my fathers face looking back at me.

He’s no longer here, so that’s a little eerie. I wonder if the last time he saw me, he thought that too?

Sometimes it takes me awhile to develop a new habit and act on it, even if I know it’s the right thing to do. Like knowing who I am isn’t just about what I physically see in that mirror. It’s the sum of all I have learned and achieved. The ever-expanding accumulation of maturity that grows within me, and on my face, as I weave in and out of different chapters of my life.

Maybe this is the difference I’m starting to see now.

The new-found resemblance to my father; now a gentle reminder to me each day.

No quick glances.

Take a better look, and appreciate more deeply the person staring back in the mirror each day.

And as my former co-worker said way back when, the maturity probably does look great on me…

How would you respond to this question?  An interesting question for men too, who are even less often asked about their true feelings. 

I’d love to hear your stories. 

And please check out the What I see website and view some of the videos and perhaps submit your story…you may get lost in them like I did.

Healthy Living, Motivation, Uncategorized

Tradeoffs

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Many people think they have to give up foods they love, or feel guilt after the fact when they indulge, but I don’t think that’s true. It’s all a matter of balancing the good with the bad. I have heard a few percentages quoted in the media, if you eat well somewhere between 85-90% of the time, then the other 10-15% of the time, you can live it up.

Although I’m not sure where I fall with percentages, I subscribe wholeheartedly to this philosophy. I’m one of those people who love different tastes, appreciate a good chef and the creativity of fusing unexpected flavors together. And of course, love the bottle of red and desserts that go with it. A few months ago, I wrote For the Love of Foods , with the message you can still achieve your health goals, but also live it up with food when the time is right.

This ideal has worked well over the last few years, but I have to come clean about one new problem that keeps cropping up after I have one of these dessert-wine-heavy meal evenings.

One I keep silencing every time I think about it, because I don’t want it to be true.

On these nights, I have insomnia.

And it’s awful. I go to sleep easily, and then wake at 2 am, like clockwork, and am not able to go back to sleep. I have searched the web, and it’s well-documented that alcohol can cause insomnia. But after a few months of testing, just wine, wine + dessert, only dessert, etc,  I have noted the problem isn’t really the wine by itself, as much as it’s the sugar in the dessert–or the combination of both.

This appears to be my new reality, and I’m faced with this tradeoff every few weeks:

Live to eat whatever I want for one fun evening?

Or not sleep, and suffer the next day by being tired and irritable.

But I love wine…I love dessert…I deserve it, really….help!

But I can’t tell you how awful I feel at 2 am watching the clock for hours and hours waiting for morning.

What to do, what to do…

When I know I want to write about a topic at some point, I create a draft with a title and a few descriptive words, just so I don’t forget about the topic.

Then promptly forget about it.

This idea, Tradeoffs, has been sitting in my drafts folder for a  long, long time, but after reading this post by Caitlin Kelly, at Broadside: I’m not where I expected to be, and subsequent discussion, I thought it was a good time to pull it out once again.

The stakes aren’t monumental if I make the wrong choice once in a while when I go out to dinner, I’ll just be uncomfortable and tired and need to make up for it somehow.

But there are other tradeoffs, either conscious decisions, or ones we haven’t realized we even made, that shape our lives.  And we question ourselves repeatedly over the conscious ones, wondering  if we have made the right choice.

Career/Family

My big life tradeoff, the one I keep questioning over and over in my mind, is my decision to jump out of my successful corporate career and stay home with my son full-time.

When I was working full-time and traveling, and generally frazzled and without sleep all the time, I remember glaring at those lucky stay at home moms, who could actually hire a babysitter so they could go out to lunch with “the girls”. I remember seeing them when I was out to lunch with my co-workers. Must be nice I thought. They have all the time in the world to play during their day.  But what I realized very quickly is that the mom stuff is actually really, really hard. These women do need to do lunch with the girlfriends, as often as they can!

Work problems taxed my mental capacity, sometimes stress was so great I would wake in the middle of the night all-consumed by issues with clients or with co-workers, or just overwhelmed by the projects I had due the next day.

Mom-stuff zaps me of all physical energy and at the end of each day, I’d love to curl up under a rock and fall asleep and just not speak to anyone….

But each day those brain-muscles are a bit underutilized. I kind of wish I had some of those more interesting work-like-puzzles to unfold.

Other trade-offs with this decision? Money is a big one. The ability to fix up the house isn’t really an option anymore. And that’s ok generally, until the washing machine and the dishwasher break at the same time, or when the toilet springs a leak…eventually this stuff has to be fixed. And I remember the days when I had a big paycheck, I used to collect orchids! Really, who does that? I think every orchid was probably $20-$50, and my beautiful collection slowly died out after my son was born and I wasn’t able to keep up with them.

I think about all the money I spent on that now, and on $500 suits, and other little throw-away luxuries I indulged in when I was working, and think, wow, I do wish I saved some of that for now!

The travel tradeoff, I think about this often. When I worked full time, I traveled so much for work, I never wanted to travel for personal reasons. But I could afford it. Now? I’m dying to get out of town. Would love to visit my mom and my brothers and sister-in-laws, and my niece and nephews. And I have plenty of time now. But the budget isn’t there.

Nope….it’s never easy.

But my son knows I’m here for him every day. I have the time to work on his challenges. I know what he’s eating. I know he has a good mix of what’s important in his day; nature, exercise, healthy foods, time together to read a book, build legos, catch frogs. He gets a good nights sleep and as much as he likes activities, with me around, he has more flexibility to be home when he needs to recharge.

He often is bummed when his dad is out of town on a work trip, and doesn’t have as much time for him. But we explain the tradeoffs his Dad is making now, so he and I can spend our days together. We explain to him this isn’t always the norm with kids who may have to go to daycare or after-school activities and not see their parents but for an hour or so a day. We explain Dad enables us to do what we do, keep our family happy and clothed and warm and cozy each night in our cute little house. It may not be the most up-to-date, a la HGTV, but it’s our home, and we are comfortable and safe…

My husband and I do find this family set-up very funny. We never expected we would be a traditional, Dad works; Mom stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids kind of family. But hey, it seems right now. And I suppose we will re-evaluate these decisions and make adjustments as we go.

I think I made the right choice. For my son, and for my family. Time will tell for me personally.

Health

When I think about day-to-day tradeoffs I make, most of them are account of my biggest obsession: health.

In that first year home after I stopped working, I was disorganized and overly-focused on my son, I didn’t bother worrying about myself. I thought just being outside with him meant I was getting enough activity for the day.

I didn’t have a lot of energy.  I couldn’t get a handle on my weight. And my back started to bug me all the time.

My son had the down time he needed, but I did not prioritize myself. Nothing in my day took into account any of my needs.

The tradeoff:

Child has attentive Mom 100% of the time.

But, Mom is sick, unhealthy, unhappy and impatient

This to me?

Not quite acceptable. I did some research, figured out how much to eat. I learned how to like exercise (something I thought I hated initially, read about that here) and then made time for formal activity every day. No more leaving it to chance anymore. I also learned to take time for myself when I need it. If I’m impatient and burnt out? I give myself a time-out.

Making changes isn’t easy, but I’m a lot happier. And I now feel great. Have no back problems. And as long as I have a good cup of coffee in the morning am mostly patient.

And you are asking, what are the Tradeoffs?

Sometimes I don’t feel like exercising. Sometimes I’d rather do something else.

Sometimes if it’s a super-busy day, I have to wake up early to get that workout in and that’s tough. I miss out on some sleep (again!)

Sometimes when he was younger I had to stick my kid in front of a video to make it happen.

Sometimes I’d rather do take out and not cook our meals

Sometimes I’d like to eat a gigantic bowl of tortilla chips and salsa all day every day without a care in the world about how this is going to affect me long term…

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to think so hard about this stuff, because it is hard!

But it’s life…if you want to be healthy long-term, you can’t ignore it and hope what you read in the news about the need for eating well and staying fit do not apply to you.

At 20, you can get away with it.

At 35+? Not an option.

Just like my wine and sugar issues never bothered me before a few months ago, there are new realities that come into play all the time, and we have to figure out the best way to address it.

And there are even more tradeoffs:

My house is oftentimes messier than I’d like. My husband, a few months ago mentioned I should entitle one of my blog posts “A fitness buff’s dirty little secret”, to address the fact he found a zillion dust bunnies under the bed when he happened to look for something under there. Thanks hon.

Part of being healthy of course is foods. I cook a lot, and every night after dinner I am still stunned at my ability to use every dish in the house and am getting tired of dealing with the mess.

One little issue that has come to mind in the last few years is that my health focus has been so all-consuming I haven’t had much time to think about anything else, namely what I want to eventually do for a career.

From what I have been reading, every problem in life these days: lower stress levels, lower anxiety, better focus and attention, overall energy levels, fewer colds and sickness; better diet and improved fitness levels, along with some time outside are exactly what we all need.

And what most people do not get.

Nope, I don’t see too many downsides to this tradeoff.

But I do need to come clean on one other very little tradeoff:

This summer, if I want to write, my son plays Minecraft for way, way, way too long…

Mom, brain-exercised

Son, brain-frazzled…

But now it’s time to take it outside and we’ll both be ok for the rest of the day…

 

What are some of the tradeoffs you have made? Are you happy with them? Still trying to decide?

Big or Little day to day tradeoffs…

Would love to hear your stories and discuss. How are you handling them?

Healthy Living, Uncategorized

It’s a fine line…

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Self-directed. Self-assured. Smart. Strong.

In great shape. Healthy. I have been described over the years as having all of these qualities.

By others.

I’m just wondering why I can’t believe it, or see it, myself? Perfect example, last week…

On a beautiful sunny day last Friday my friend Eve and I hopped into my Subaru mom-car ( I was wishing it was a cool classic convertible a la Thelma & Louise, but hey, it worked…) and we made our way along the curvy Vermont roads to destination: Saratoga Springs, NY.  The mission? To check out a few very targeted women’s clothing stores while our kids were at school. It’s finally warm out, almost-summer-like, and we were both in need of a few new things that weren’t either turtlenecks or made of SmartWool. We didn’t have a lot of time, but since all the clothing stores nearby have closed (we miss you Garnet Hill!), the hour-long each way trek to Saratoga was the closest option but needed to be quick and targeted.

With a much-needed stop for coffee and something really decadent at Mrs. London’s, we had time for three stores. We both tried on a ton of things. Eve gravitated towards dresses, and she tried them all. Me? I tried a mixed a bag of stuff. Living the river-mom lifestyle I do, with a gravel driveway and a Labrador Retriever always shoving wet muddy sticks into my legs, I worry about getting a little too over-dressed on most days so I usually end up with jeans or whatever I can wash easily. At the end of the day though, Eve did much better than I did. Everything she put on looked fantastic! And everything I tried on? Hmmm, well, this embroidered peasant shirt that looks so beautiful on the hanger makes me look dumpy. And this striped dress that Eve looks great in looks ridiculous on me; matronly. That’s the best word to describe it. And this? I look awful in patterns.

What the heck? Why do I look so odd in everything?

Or do I?

Honestly, I really thought I was over this self-confidence thing. You would think after awhile we get used to how we look. We get used to our own personal style. But I’m truly mystified by the fact my eyes do not see even remotely what other people see. I’m the perfect example of that Dove Beauty video that was floating around the web last month. Where the women describe themselves as completely different from how others describe them. At home I try on my clothes all the time, and find the same problem. What looked great in the store just doesn’t look as good at home. Or actually, it looks good sometimes, but then I get a glimpse of myself in another mirror or a reflection, or photo, and think, how the heck could I have thought this looked good in the first place.  It’s like I see myself through these fun-house mirrored glasses.

I don’t think I was always this way. Honestly, I always had a pretty good self-esteem. But it has been worse in the last few years, and I’m thinking this has to be one downside to being so focused and in-tune with my health and fitness level.

Since starting this blog, I have stayed away from any mention of weight itself. And I did this intentionally because I haven’t been worried about losing weight for awhile now, since I did finally shed all that extra baby-poundage about 3 1/2 years ago then refocus my efforts on fitness-related challenges. I actually put my scale away about a year and a half ago because for me, a very numbers-oriented person, trying to always hit the same number on the scale was a toxic experience. If there was any fluctuation at all, and as I’m sure you all know, there always is fluctuation from day-to-day,  I didn’t cope well with it. But today I’ll talk about it because I think there is a myth that needs to be dispelled about being the right size, or the right weight. And how this ties into our self-esteem.

How many times have you said to yourself:

If only I just lose that 5,10,15, 50  pounds…

Or, if only I’m a size 4, 6, 8, 10…whatever your size of choice is

Or, if I can just fit into those old jeans from high school…

I will be so happy! I will look fantastic in all my clothes! I’ll look great in photos! And once I hit that magic number and magic size, the tough part will be over. I’ll be done.

And I will love how I look.

It sounds just like the perfect fairy tale ending, doesn’t it? “And they lived happily ever after...”. Nobody knows what happened to Cinderella and the Prince after they ran off together, I mean really, do you think their life was always perfect? Does the story really stop there?

You don’t “live happily ever after” either once you hit the magic number. Actually it becomes even more of a challenge because now you have to figure out how to stay there! I have learned that yes, health problems do start to go away when you are the right size and focus on being fit. You have a great amount of energy and more endurance.  Your physician will tell you your BMI is normal and you are on the right track. That part is fantastic. Celebrate!

But the self-perception part for me has become confusing. My eyes and mind have taken a little longer to adjust; or maybe the way I see myself is all just relative. Just because I am the right weight doesn’t mean suddenly I’ll like the way I  look  in photos. I still have bad hair days. I still change clothes 5 times before going out because nothing seems to look right. I still have fat days. I still see where I need to improve. When I try clothing on in stores, like last week, I still don’t think I look that great in everything…actually, most things!  I have almost stopped asking my husband’s opinion on an outfit to find out if I look ok or good, or if something makes me look big, because I really want to know sometimes, but he so often just scoffs at me, kind of in disgust, like are you joking that you don’t know this, you always look great?!

Hmm, how the heck am I supposed to know this?

I’m sensing there is a fine line in my fitness quest between being on it, and being on it way, way too much. And maybe I’m leaning a little too far in the wrong direction… I do what it takes to keep up with being fit every day for health and strength reasons, yet somehow the line gets blurred. Maybe because I can’t visually see great health as a direct result of my efforts. I only get those quantitative numbers once a year when I get a physical. So maybe getting more focused, and sometimes overly critical on visual appearance becomes the default.

I heard a TedTalk last month while I was in the car listening to NPR, and have thought about it often since. It was with Cameron Russell, a model, talking about beauty. One part really resonated with me, when she mentions the low self-esteem of all models in particular. Always being forced to look a certain way. Always focused on being thin. And the stress of having to maintain this for their jobs.  No, I’m not even remotely model-like, but you can see why I get where they are coming from. If you are trying to hold this super-high standard for yourself, you will get more critical.

Take away the scale and the measurements, and where do you look to see progress?

It’s all in the details. The more you look. The more you see. The more you feel you can work to improve. I don’t think my inability to see myself with clear vision stems from trying to live up to overly-idealized photos of women in magazines or actresses on TV or in other media. I really don’t read beauty magazines, or watch shows with overly vamped up women. I don’t want to be them. It must come from this inner-perfectionist quality I have developed for myself in the last few years that has warped my ability to truly see who is looking back at me in the mirror. Because I know the person I see can’t really be so bad…

And I just wish I could tip that fine line back a little bit, because maybe right now I’m a little too on it.

How do you feel about yourself?

Are you too critical, too on it sometimes in your quest for health and fitness, sometimes for your own good?

How have you ultimately found the balance? Would love to hear your stories.

Below are two videos: The Cameron Russell TedTalk and the Dove Sketch video. Please watch…worth the time.

Uncategorized

My Food Evolution

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20090509-DSC07443There are many food moments from my past that now make me cringe.

My interest in eating healthy foods wasn’t a decision, it was more of an evolution over time, and stemmed from a few different places.

It’s no wonder my husband and son were reluctant passengers on my evangelical health kick, but eventually they managed to buy in to it.

There was this period in middle school when my school lunch choice included Hostess Apple Pies, and milk. That’s it. It’s hard to believe the school let me do this! My mom was a great cook, but to counter all her yummy homemade meals, like lasagna and chili, and chicken every-which-way, I also remember growing up with Eggo waffles, Steak Umms, Campbell’s Soup, and Chef Boy R Dee Ravioli.

And Fast Food.

Yup, that bucket of KFC graced our kitchen table many times.

In high school, I had sense enough to stop drinking soda, thankfully, although I can’t remember why I stopped, and still haven’t to this day gone back to it.

Even as an adult, when I was enlightened enough to experiment in the kitchen, preparing Indian, Japanese and Thai meals from scratch, and considered myself a foodie of sorts, I had moments of food regret.

There was the “low carb” stage, where I banned all my favorites: pasta, rice and breads. Oh, how I loved to make an Indian Lamb Biryani, but no more after that…

And the “Balance and Luna Bar” stage, I liked them both.  I would go to work with a few of those in my purse, and basically that’s all I would eat during the day.

I thought this was healthy.

I thought this was a good way to keep from over-eating during the work day.

This was about 12 years ago?

One day, during this time I was chatting with Brooke, my step-daughter, about foods. As a vegetarian she has to constantly check labels to make sure whatever she is about to eat didn’t include meat. Our conversation turned to the “Bars”, and how the ingredients are so weird, these chemicals couldn’t possibly be something we want to put into our bodies, could they?

Honestly, it never even occurred to me to look at the ingredients. But, that discussion convinced me to stop buying them.

And start paying attention to the label.

Around the same time, as an avid reader of the New York Times Magazine, I discovered some of Michael Pollan’s articles on Food and the Food industry, and started delving into his books, my favorite: the Omnivore’s Dilemma.

Soon I loosely based my philosophy on what would eventually become his “Food Rules”:

Don’t eat anything you can’t pronounce.

Don’t eat anything with more than a few ingredients.

Eat mostly veggies, sourced locally

Source local meats and buy in bulk.

Buy Organic if possible.

Those were the major ones.

fresh morels foraged from a secret spot in the Vermont woods...

fresh morels foraged from a secret spot in the Vermont woods…

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spring fiddleheads

Also included, forage what you can, as in mushrooms, wild leeks, fiddleheads, berries and other wild edibles, one of the 3-season rituals we are lucky to be able to do because of where we live. On this subject, I was proud to have a heads up on Michael Pollan, because we did this already, and didn’t need to use a guide.

Further complicating my changing views on food, when my son was around 2, while out to eat at one of our favorite Thai restaurants, we innocently ordered Pad Thai and gave some to him for the first time.

Immediately following his taste, he turned red and complained of a burning throat. Thankfully, since we were completely unprepared, he was ok and went back to normal after a few minutes. But that was the first discovery of his severe Peanut Allergy.

After a trip to the allergist, label-reading took on a whole new meaning.

It wasn’t a luxury; it was for Life.

It’s not easy to find safe foods for him to eat, foods that are not processed in the same facility as nuts, so after awhile, I gave up looking and started sourcing safe ingredients and making what we need from scratch. This includes foods like cakes, desserts, breads, granolas, and ice cream.

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The fine print…

It’s kind of interesting how this constant label-reading helped with overall health. Because once you start looking for:

Fewer ingredients.

All natural.

No weird chemicals

No nuts or allergens.

Suddenly you start seeing the other numbers on that label, like how many grams of Sugar. Fiber. How much Sodium.

A few years ago, even though it didn’t fit into my food rules, I allowed myself one favorite processed food for lunch, and had them every day: Morningstar Veggie Burgers. I happened to checked the label—holy moly, the Sodium! Sadly, Veggie Burgers were axed from the shopping list.

And that brings me to today…

When I can, I make foods from scratch and keep trying to add to the list.

My latest big change, as of last fall, is yogurt. I had always heard this was easy to make but never tried it until a friend forwarded a recipe for making it in a crockpot. Hey, I have a crockpot I never use; let’s put it to use! I did, and with a little trial and error, I now make my own Greek yogurt twice a week, and haven’t bought a store brand since. Basically, all you have to do is buy whole milk, set a timer a few times, throw in a little yogurt and wait. then strain it to “Greek” it. I didn’t do this for health reasons, but just love not having to clean out all those yogurt containers before sending them to the recycle bin.

It amazes me how easy making some of this stuff is.

Sometimes it’s easier than having to drive to a store and buy it.

My husband has been great through all of this, and doesn’t mind me being the Food Czar and gatekeeper of the house as long as there are some good things for him to eat like potato chips and chocolate when he wants them. And maybe a little heavy cream to make ice cream.

And, we still eat whatever we want. That’s the amazing part. You get to this point where you only crave the foods that are really worth it. Part of the decision-making process is deciding what needs to stay, along with what should go.

What’s worth it to me?

Dark Chocolate.

Red Wine.

Coffee with cream.

Full fat dairy.

Treats like cookies and brownies and cakes are fine, but they aren’t at the house every day to snack on endlessly.

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Just making sure to read the box, they don’t make a Peanut version do they?

My son? He’s not so happy about having to deal with his allergy, but he has no choice. It’s imperative he starts learning to read labels for himself, for his health and for his safety. I was really proud of him a few weeks ago when he came home from school and told me “The TruMoo Chocolate milk at school has 18 grams of sugar and Hood has 26 grams, so I’m going to choose True-Moo” and then later added “I am only going to choose chocolate milk once or twice a week, because I don’t need so much sugar every day.”

See, you can preach, and they really do listen sometimes!

I love that.

And I love that every time he passes a McDonalds he says “Look, a McEwwww!”

And that he has never tried Soda, and has no desire to try it.

And that it was years before he realized you could actually buy ice cream, you didn’t have to make it.

Awareness isn’t always easy:

There are some challenges.

You can’t just go to the grocery store, get what you need and come home. Sometimes it takes a little time to find all this good stuff, and there are many questions to ask.

Being aware of what you eat sometimes does ruin the desire to eat out, unless it’s really worth it.

Your family and friends may think you are preachy, or a killjoy, when you all get together and suddenly you have some issues with the quality of foods served. My brother Greg is constantly teasing me about all the weird seeds and grains that come with us on the airplane when we fly down for a visit.

Also, it can get overwhelming.  Trying to figure out the balance of where to stop, so I don’t drive myself crazy obsessing over every decision, is a challenge. Where I live in Vermont, there are lots of back-to-basic type people making everything from scratch. Sometimes it’s hard not to get swept up by romanticizing the “idea” behind making everything yourself.

For instance:

I bought a how-to book, and a whole mess of supplies to learn cheese-making. I live in Vermont. We have the best cheeses in this state you could ever ask for. Not necessary, considering the time involved. The book and supplies? Untouched.

I considered getting my own chickens for fresh eggs.  Really, many people in my town do have their own. As of now, I’m thinking no thanks, I can purchase local eggs at the Country Store down the road.

What about Salsa? Hummus? Jelly? Pickles? I have tried making all of these at least once, and determined there are great local sources who can make these better than I can.

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The “Bonus Garden”, where we collect more caterpillars than veggies…

Growing my own veggies? Well, we have enough land, I need to make this happen. But I’m not very good at it yet.  I have been trying over the last few years with some luck (green beans, and kale), but mostly without (everything else, even zucchini!). I call our little garden beds the “Bonus Garden”, because if anything grows, it’s all kind of a “nice surprise”.

I’ll still frequent the farm stands and markets for everything else.

Raising Lambs and Goats for meat and milk? Ok, you city folks probably will not believe this, but the discussion has come up over the years. So far, we have opted out, although my husband has been tempted to bring them in to help him mow the unruly lawn.

A few years ago, my sister-in-law, also Brooke, asked me how I shop, and how I approach healthy foods for my family, because she was struggling over where to begin.

I never answered the question because it’s kind of complicated. But I’ll try now…

The way I look at food and health today accumulated from so much trial and error and experience.

And over time.

And still seems to be evolving.

Every time I read the news or watch a documentary about what’s healthy today, and what isn’t, based on new research, there is even more to evaluate.

Should we eat meat, and if so, how often?

Should we eat dairy?

What’s up with Paleo? Vegan?

Intermittent fasting?

How much Sugar? Sodium? Vitamin D?

Protein, Fats, Carbs? How much of each?

High Fructose Corn Syrup vs. Sugar?

Grass Fed Meats vs Not?

Local?

Gluten?

You can go dizzy trying to keep up.

But if you want to start making better choices today, the first step I would take is to start reading labels.

Try cutting out the chemicals and going for the real food.

Pay attention to the added sugar and sodium.

And as you gain success and are more confident in your food choices, don’t be too hard on yourself if you are not able to make 100% of the changes all at once.

Or if you don’t get that buy in from the family from the beginning.

Or if it’s tough to accomplish at every meal.

There is definitely a learning curve, and every small step you take to eat well now, along with your fitness and portion control plan, will take you and your family one step closer to better health.

Fitness and portion control plan? I know, it was bad for me to throw that in at the end. But we all know food is just one part of healthy living, and that’s a whole story in itself.  Perhaps I’ll write about how my thoughts continue to evolve on that topic in a future post…

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Motivation

Master your Mud Season

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Mud Season has come early to Southern Vermont.

Yesterday I didn’t get out much, but was told it snowed in every town surrounding us, but not here in my own.

It’s really strange. Most of the other snowstorms plaguing New England this season have eluded us as well.

What we see?  Just Rain. Cold. Mud. Slush.

To add insult to injury, and adding more to my glum outlook, I managed to injure myself while walking with my lab, Balsam. Heading towards the river by my house, the mud was so squishy and wet, I hurdled unceremoniously down what I thought was a path, but what was actually a mudslide.  I finally came to a stop when my arm got hooked on a peace of rhebar left over from when the forest service came onto our property to do some work last fall.

My coat ripped. My legs covered in mud. My arm vibrating, I thought, note to self:  Bog Boots are not made for wearing in mud. Next time, I’ll remember…

Ego wounded, I slowly made my way back to the house, where my son helped cover my new wounds with a collection of Tow-Mater and Lightning McQueen band-aids.

This time of year?

It’s not the most inspiring.

And I’m guessing it’s like that for you too.

The thought of another few months of this irritates me; so after some thought, I decided it’s time to reposition the role of Mud-Season in my life.

No more sulking.

No more complaining about cabin fever.

And about how fun Vermont is in every other season but this one.

I need to make the most of this down time, and start thinking about setting some personal goals for the rest of the year, so when spring is here, I’m ready.

And for now? At least it’ll give me a positive outlook and something to look forward to.

I only learned about personal goal-setting a few years ago, but I should have started a long time ago, when I first realized I had lost sight of my hobbies and interests.

I moved to Vermont for a new job  when in my 20s and single, and was experiencing my first mud season in early 1996.  I didn’t know too many people yet. One weekend day, bored and with nothing to do, I hopped in my car and drove an hour and a half to Albany, New York.  I thought, well, it’s the closest city, I’m sure there are things to do there. Lots of shops. And lots of people.

But I was wrong.

In Albany, I just walked around for a few minutes. I poked in a few stores. I had lunch. But I really didn’t want to spend much money.

And about a half hour later, realizing my mistake, I made my way on the long, curvy, dull drive back to Vermont.

What I learned? Shopping and going to stores is not a hobby. Eating out is not a hobby. These are just activities to pass the time.

What else could I do, living on my own, when I was bored?

I had no idea.

Before I moved, I primarily spent my time working and commuting. And in my spare time, shopping, going out with friends to eat, or to see a movie or concerts.  But if someone asked me about my hobbies or interests, aside from a little reading and lots of music, I think I would have been stumped to find more to add.

It finally occurred to me “When in Rome, I need to do like the Romans”, right? When in Vermont…?  Skiing and snowshoeing in winter. Mushroom hunting and hiking in spring. More hiking and gardening and bird-watching and river-rock rambling in summer, and leaf-peeping and more hikes in the fall.

Learning about wildflowers and trees and edible plants and all things nature–that’s where I spent my time after that.

Who would have thought someone like me, this product of suburbia, could morph into a nature-girl.

But I made the transition well over time.

Today, the need for personal growth, learning new skills, and finding new hobbies is even more important, because it’s really easy for our sense of self to just slip away. We have way too much responsibility. With the work day no longer 9-5, our attention is constantly diverted away from things that are important to us. Our spouses and kids, of course, are the top priority, and the house upkeep next. And our community and schools need us too.

The list keeps growing and pulling us in every which way, except the one leading to any personal satisfaction, creativity and growth.

To keep progressing over the last few years, I started to set my sights on confronting activities I always thought I would dislike, and vowed to  never, ever, ever do.

And have found when I succeed in turning a “never“, as I call them, into a hobby, it’s amazing for building confidence. And one success turns into another, and another, and another…

My experiment started a few years ago, when my friend Mary dragged me to a Yoga class after I repeatedly told her I wanted nothing to do with group exercise. Well, guess what? I was nervous. I had never done yoga before. But,  I LOVED it. And we continued to go every Saturday throughout the summer until the program ended.

I always said I would never, ever do exercise videos, because I hated those too (although, as with the yoga classes, I had never tried them before). Well, since the day I nervously forced myself to press play on that video a few years ago,  I  continue to challenge myself through some pretty harrowing programs that now, even after the fact, I still can’t believe I ever did.

How’s that for building confidence? I never would have known I was capable of doing a pull-up, and many other scary-looking moves, but hey, now I do!

A non-fitness challenge I tackled a few years ago was learning to fly-fish. My husband is into it. I always said I didn’t want to learn. Why? No reason. I just assumed I wouldn’t like it.  I signed up for a weekend course, with my friend Kiernan for moral support, and loved it, took a second class last summer, and am continuing my education this spring because I still have a ton to learn. I wrote about this experience if you want to check it out later….http://www.orvisnews.com/Women-in-Fly-Fishing/Giving-in-to-fly-fishing.aspx

This year, I forced myself to get back on skis for the first time in about 15 years.  And ice skates too.

But I haven’t been back to an exercise class for 3 or 4 years, so maybe that’s something I need to change this spring.  Since it has been awhile, I went back to being scared of them.

Another goal I have is to step up my vegetable gardening skills. How I’m going to do this, I’m not sure.  But this is a good time to figure it all out.

Think about it.

Do you have abandoned hobbies that you are scared to go back and try?

Is there something else you want to learn?

I’m not talking about things for you to do with your kids, because they like it, what are you personally interested in?

I have been really inspired by some of my friends lately. My friend Susanne started felting as a hobby, and has now made it her business. My friend Lynn took some painting classes last year, and is now a full-time artist. Eve gave snowboarding and strength training a try last year–very brave! And is continually challenging herself with some really cool knitting and textile projects.  Kiernan learned to fly fish with me, and is still working on it, but continues to challenge herself with different workout classes, even after the longest days and at strange times, because they offer her some much-needed time for herself.

I met a very inspiring woman during my second fly fishing class last June. She was in her mid-50s, and a teacher. She told me that during her summer breaks she finds one new activity to learn, and works on it all summer. Most of the other women in that fly fishing class were there because their husbands “sent” them. They were scared to death, and didn’t really want to be there. But this gal, Mary, was there because she thought it would be really cool to learn, and on her own too. And she does something like this for herself every year!

I love that.

And want to be just like that.

So what about you, are you with me?

Take a chance.  Carve out some time.  And start planning…

I can see the clouds-lifting, the mud drying, and the confidence-building already.

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The New Normal

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At my house, we talk repeatedly about what is “expected” and what is “unexpected”.

This helps my 8-year old, who has a knack for always doing the unexpected, know what normal behavior looks like so he doesn’t embarrass us, or get in trouble, or both.

Sometimes this lingo comes back to haunt me, because during some of these learning sessions, my son in return has replied:

“So, you want me to do what everyone else does? You want me to be completely NORMAL, REALLY?”

Sigh.

Hmmm…

What to say next…

I want my kid to be an original, think for himself…. but then I tell him he needs to take cues from what the group is doing and follow suit.

To be average.

To not stand out or draw attention.

To be “Normal”

Hard concept to grasp at a young age.

And actually, a tough concept to grasp at MY age.

I have been thinking about this supposedly great advice I dish out to my son every day, and have been wondering, what if I apply these terms to my world, of living a mindful, healthy life?

Actually, it makes me a little uncomfortable.

What are Normal people doing?

What is Expected?

Well, if you read the news or listen to current documentaries about our culture you’ll hear that Normal people like us:

Eat processed foods and have no idea what is in it.

Eat way too much sugar. Too few vegetables.

Work too much, mostly sitting.

Much of the time we munch and slurp our fast food in cars, on the go.

We hop from iPhone, iPad to TV, to Computer, to Kindle screens all day.

We never get up from our desks or video games to move around.

And never get exercise.

Fresh Air? What’s that?

Birds? Trees? Rivers? Haven’t seen them in ages!

But we still expect to live long, fulfilling lives, don’t we?

Because we are living a normal life, right? It’ll all work out just fine…

When I go out to eat with friends or family, or over the holidays, it’s expected to overindulge or get off routine.

It’s expected when I go out of town and get too busy, that it’s ok to get swept up in everyone else’s agenda and not have time to take a walk, or stretch or workout, or eat too much. It happens to everyone.

My mother tried this with me a few days ago, when after a long plane ride to visit her, she told me she didn’t think I had time for my workout the next day.

Really? She got the cold stare….

One of my favorite quotes, and one I say to myself relatively often for motivation (although I have no idea who first said it…..) is:

“If you want to eat like the average person, you will look like the average person”.

And I think you can probably put exercise in there too.

If we want to keep our health where it is now over time, we need to be mindful every day.

If we are off routine, or just don’t have time to make dinner or exercise, or get outside, when will we have the time?

How can we balance the good with the bad?

Or the fun with the discipline?

It’s not easy, but to be good at it, we need to take charge of our health and raise our expectations

And redefine Normal.
Because really,  think about what “average” looks like in our culture today.

What works for me?

A few years ago, I learned to set health goals, along with other daily activity.

I’m an early riser, and like to wake up and think about the day over coffee, and make some decisions.

What am I going to do for exercise today? Inside or out? How long do I have?

Is it a nice day? When Brett is home from school, what will we do to get outside and add more activity and fresh air to our day?

If I know we are going to be in the car, or out all day, I pack healthy snacks; I don’t stop while I’m out.

I set coffee in a travel mug so I don’t stop to pick up a cappuccino or latte or bakery snacks instead.

I plan splurge meals in advance, so if I have a dinner with my husband planned one night, or a lunch out with a friend, I never worry about what I eat when I’m out, but I do balance out the rest of the day, and think about the next few days and make sure to make healthy choices.

I have worked on the food and exercise portion of this for awhile, so it’s habit now.

But some things are still a challenge, like too much screen time. I’m as addicted as anyone, and my son seems to have that addictive personality too.

It’s also tough to be a cheerleader to go outside and get fresh air when when it’s 10 degrees out and I don’t feel like it either.

But I’m working on it, and will get better at all of this with time because it’s important to me.

Sometimes I don’t know what to say when what I have taught my son conflicts with what the culture at large is doing. I get questions like:

“Mom, why is there even soda around if it’s so bad for us”

or “Why are there so many fast food restaurants” as we are driving through towns, “why can other people have it?”.

“And why won’t you let me play Minecraft all afternoon? I don’t want to go outside, it’s too cold, and I’m tired!”

It’s so much easier not to fight it.

But I don’t want this to be our Normal.

I don’t know the answer now.

But realize this is something I’ll need to keep defining and redefining for myself and my family, as we learn more and as our culture changes over time.